Very heavy stuff

Griff · 05-28-2005, 10:09 AM

I buried my 2.5 year old nephew yesterday. He was a child who required a great deal of attention and he was able to get it through an informal network of friends neighbors and relatives. A community developed around his family that I hope continues to thrive. The strength of his parents was amazing to witness, you never suspect the depth of strength in people until you see something like this. They live up in Vermont so I kind of felt like a tourist going into the burial but I came out a witness to the power of a few good decent people to make the world noticably better with acts small and large. A special mention has to go to a pair of women who work at St Mikes College as day care providers. Finding out that the little brother of two of their kids was in need of care to give his folks respite, they volunteered to help out on a regular basis after working their full day with the other children. He had a Jewish burial with the mourners filling the hole. Its an overused word but closure is what it gives you when you shovel earth on anothers body. I feel that need to be buried touching the earth. A ceremony was held at the Unitarian church afterwords, which was a nice way to include folks of all or no faiths to mourn and celebrate life.

The light moment of the week was provided by the his sister. She is just the cutest little thing petite apple cheeked dark eyes and hair with a sharp wit and a huge smile. She was sitting on the toilet and called out for her Grampa to bring something to read. Grampa brought a Mazzey book saying maybe if you read it out loud Ethan can hear you. She looked at him sharply, "What are you, NUTS!?"

Troubleshooter · 05-28-2005, 12:53 PM

Nice

Twice

wolf · 05-28-2005, 01:55 PM

My condolences to you and your family.

Griff · 05-28-2005, 04:41 PM

Thanks people.

Clodfobble · 05-28-2005, 06:00 PM

I'm so sorry for you and your family, Griff. Was it a known medical condition, or completely unexpected for his parents?

footfootfoot · 05-28-2005, 06:27 PM

Griff, sorry to hear of your loss. That area of VT is my old stomping ground. There are a lot of really great people up there especially at St. Mikes.

It is heartening to think that children today may be able to accept death without the sugarcoating that it so frequently gets.

I remember burying my uncle when I was a teen and after the graveside service everyone just walked away. I turned to my dad and asked WTF? (not in so many words) How come Uncle Frank was still above ground? His reply was that it upsets people too much to see the coffin go in the ground.

Not half as much as it upset me NOT seeing it go in the ground. Closure is really important, despite its co–option by the newage. That was the phenoseal around the final nails in the coffin of my catholicsm.

It lead me to buddhism where the qusetion of life and death looms large.

I'm glad you had a chance to have a meaningful ceremony.

Griff · 05-28-2005, 08:43 PM

His health was very complicated from the begining. His folks knew his would be a short life but maybe not this short.

I'm still with the church but I think a lot of Catholics mistake style for dogma (not that there isn't misplaced dogma). I see folks going in for the big ceremonies, hats, and buildings and forgetting that stuff is superficial. I remember being a lector at the cathedral in Scranton and having our priest ask me what I thought of it. He was suprised at my lack of enthusiasm for the big show. For me that stuff is just a show like the overly professional funeral, very synthetic not very sympathetic. In our society we seem to professionalize a lot of things that should be personal, education etc... let folks who know me plant me proper don't pay some guy to come by later. It might be time to put my wishes on paper...

Clodfobble · 05-28-2005, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

I'm still with the church but I think a lot of Catholics mistake style for dogma (not that there isn't misplaced dogma). I see folks going in for the big ceremonies, hats, and buildings and forgetting that stuff is superficial.

Careful, you might start sounding like a Protestant...

I've only ever been to two funerals, and neither one had a casket at all. Both were more like wakes than funerals, really.

Griff · 05-29-2005, 09:18 AM

Watch yer mouth.

I prefer a Vatican II country/bluegrass or hippie guitar Mass but I love the Mass itself and won't separate myself from it without good reason.

Brett's Honey · 05-29-2005, 10:03 AM

So sorry for your family's loss Griff. Losing a child is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. That's the same age my daughter was when I lost her. I think it's even harder (if that's possible) when you lose a child that required a lot of attention, because you're suddenly left without nearly as much to do on a daily basis. My son started school just a couple of months after my daughter died and I went from having two very active little ones all day to having none most of the day, and that was very hard. I found myself being drunk and seeking that comfortably numb state every day by the time school got out until I pulled my head out, and realized that my son needed me more than ever. Stay in touch with your nephew's parents....most people seem to "go away" soon after the funeral.....

Griff · 05-29-2005, 11:24 AM

Very good advice. I'm sorry for your loss as well.

BigV · 05-29-2005, 04:12 PM

Griff:

I share your sorrow and your family's sorrow. My heart and prayers are with you all.

elSicomoro · 05-29-2005, 04:19 PM

Griff, can we drink at your funeral? I mean...come on...you drink AND you're Irish. How can we NOT?

My condolences to you and your family.

Griff · 05-30-2005, 05:58 AM

Folks'll get a powerful thirst planting me so booze, if you can still hold it following the wake,

is fine by me, but no egg nog.

elSicomoro · 05-30-2005, 08:13 AM

OK...fair enough. No egg nog...I'll buy Boone's instead.

05-28-2005, 10:09 AM	#1
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Very heavy stuff I buried my 2.5 year old nephew yesterday. He was a child who required a great deal of attention and he was able to get it through an informal network of friends neighbors and relatives. A community developed around his family that I hope continues to thrive. The strength of his parents was amazing to witness, you never suspect the depth of strength in people until you see something like this. They live up in Vermont so I kind of felt like a tourist going into the burial but I came out a witness to the power of a few good decent people to make the world noticably better with acts small and large. A special mention has to go to a pair of women who work at St Mikes College as day care providers. Finding out that the little brother of two of their kids was in need of care to give his folks respite, they volunteered to help out on a regular basis after working their full day with the other children. He had a Jewish burial with the mourners filling the hole. Its an overused word but closure is what it gives you when you shovel earth on anothers body. I feel that need to be buried touching the earth. A ceremony was held at the Unitarian church afterwords, which was a nice way to include folks of all or no faiths to mourn and celebrate life. The light moment of the week was provided by the his sister. She is just the cutest little thing petite apple cheeked dark eyes and hair with a sharp wit and a huge smile. She was sitting on the toilet and called out for her Grampa to bring something to read. Grampa brought a Mazzey book saying maybe if you read it out loud Ethan can hear you. She looked at him sharply, "What are you, NUTS!?" __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

05-28-2005, 12:53 PM	#2
Troubleshooter The urban Jane Goodall Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,012	Nice Twice __________________ I have gained this from philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. - Aristotle

05-28-2005, 01:55 PM	#3
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	My condolences to you and your family. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

05-28-2005, 04:41 PM	#4
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Thanks people. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

05-28-2005, 06:00 PM	#5
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I'm so sorry for you and your family, Griff. Was it a known medical condition, or completely unexpected for his parents? __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

05-28-2005, 06:27 PM	#6
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Griff, sorry to hear of your loss. That area of VT is my old stomping ground. There are a lot of really great people up there especially at St. Mikes. It is heartening to think that children today may be able to accept death without the sugarcoating that it so frequently gets. I remember burying my uncle when I was a teen and after the graveside service everyone just walked away. I turned to my dad and asked WTF? (not in so many words) How come Uncle Frank was still above ground? His reply was that it upsets people too much to see the coffin go in the ground. Not half as much as it upset me NOT seeing it go in the ground. Closure is really important, despite its co–option by the newage. That was the phenoseal around the final nails in the coffin of my catholicsm. It lead me to buddhism where the qusetion of life and death looms large. I'm glad you had a chance to have a meaningful ceremony. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-28-2005, 08:43 PM	#7
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	His health was very complicated from the begining. His folks knew his would be a short life but maybe not this short. I'm still with the church but I think a lot of Catholics mistake style for dogma (not that there isn't misplaced dogma). I see folks going in for the big ceremonies, hats, and buildings and forgetting that stuff is superficial. I remember being a lector at the cathedral in Scranton and having our priest ask me what I thought of it. He was suprised at my lack of enthusiasm for the big show. For me that stuff is just a show like the overly professional funeral, very synthetic not very sympathetic. In our society we seem to professionalize a lot of things that should be personal, education etc... let folks who know me plant me proper don't pay some guy to come by later. It might be time to put my wishes on paper... __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

05-29-2005, 09:18 AM	#9
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Watch yer mouth. I prefer a Vatican II country/bluegrass or hippie guitar Mass but I love the Mass itself and won't separate myself from it without good reason. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

05-29-2005, 10:03 AM	#10
Brett's Honey whatever Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 308	So sorry for your family's loss Griff. Losing a child is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. That's the same age my daughter was when I lost her. I think it's even harder (if that's possible) when you lose a child that required a lot of attention, because you're suddenly left without nearly as much to do on a daily basis. My son started school just a couple of months after my daughter died and I went from having two very active little ones all day to having none most of the day, and that was very hard. I found myself being drunk and seeking that comfortably numb state every day by the time school got out until I pulled my head out, and realized that my son needed me more than ever. Stay in touch with your nephew's parents....most people seem to "go away" soon after the funeral.....

05-29-2005, 11:24 AM	#11
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Very good advice. I'm sorry for your loss as well. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

05-29-2005, 04:12 PM	#12
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Griff: I share your sorrow and your family's sorrow. My heart and prayers are with you all. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

05-29-2005, 04:19 PM	#13
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Griff, can we drink at your funeral? I mean...come on...you drink AND you're Irish. How can we NOT? My condolences to you and your family.

05-30-2005, 05:58 AM	#14
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Folks'll get a powerful thirst planting me so booze, if you can still hold it following the wake, is fine by me, but no egg nog. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

05-30-2005, 08:13 AM	#15
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	OK...fair enough. No egg nog...I'll buy Boone's instead.

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