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Old 05-20-2011, 10:12 AM   #1
monster
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Rapture poetry

Rapture Fail or The Surprise Christian

Mowing the lawn, minding my own
Damn this indigestion
What on earth did I eat last night?
I feel nauseous. Must be the mower fumes.
Wait, what is the mower doing all the way down there?
Oh crap, Iím rapturing
How in the heck was I not
Bad enough?
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:13 AM   #2
infinite monkey
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I'll repost my haiku here.

God had a rapture
And left me here with heathens.
Oh, hello Cellar!
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:17 AM   #3
monster
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good. didn't want to be lonely. I likes ur haiku.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:20 AM   #4
infinite monkey
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Has the time for rapture come?
Wait a minute, I'm not done.
All I've done is drink the wine
Smoke the smoke
Stole a dime.
There's much more that I need to do
Before my time on earth is through.
I've lied I've cried I've gone ape wild
I grew up as unruly child.
And sure (in case you didn't know)
I have been known to kill hobo.
I was one time a raging whore
But there's something missing, something more.
So take me not, I've things to do.
What? Not me? BUT WAIT.

Boo hoo.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:28 AM   #5
monster
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Farewell, fundy freaks
Will you need some dramamine?
I don't rapture well.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:33 AM   #6
HungLikeJesus
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While waiting for inspiration, I'll re-post something I wrote a few years ago:

The traveler ascends
to find the vines entwined
like mating snakes,
rapped in hardwood trees embrace,
and while the cold clear sun does shine,
casts shadows on fair Mary's face
and lights the intimate landscape
of the risen world.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:38 AM   #7
monster
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There once was a Christian Fundy
Who gave away all of his money
When asked why this was
He said it’s because
I’ll be raptured away come Sunday.
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:05 AM   #8
monster
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Look at you messing with that haiku crap
You need to come with us, do the rapture rap.
I’m funnin’ my words, not shaping turds
Seventeen syllables is way too nazi
You gotta let it flow and have a word party
We’re gonna float away like a fart in a whirlwind
If she’s hot you can bring yo’ girlfriend
No-one’s gonna tell me I can’t go
If my momma tries, I’mm’a slap that ho
End of the world –that’s a fuck yeah party
I got an uzi, c’mon, let’s start it.
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:06 AM   #9
infinite monkey
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Imma let you finish, but Blondie had the best rapture rap EVER.

(Seriously, though, that was awesome.)
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:07 AM   #10
HungLikeJesus
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Up skirts, up, up
I'll stay down here and watch.
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:10 AM   #11
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HungLikeJesus View Post
Up skirts, up, up
I'll stay down here and watch.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
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Old 05-20-2011, 12:02 PM   #12
infinite monkey
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What if
God held a rapture
for all the good people
And no one ascendeth?
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Old 05-20-2011, 12:40 PM   #13
footfootfoot
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The Rapture is finally here
and the proof of god's love, we're told's beer
So, let's hoist a cold glass
but to cover our ass
keep drinking till we get the "All Clear"
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Old 05-20-2011, 12:59 PM   #14
Sundae
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I will not ascend
Without my beloved cat;
Fuck your rapture God.
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Old 05-20-2011, 01:14 PM   #15
infinite monkey
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Sorry 'Bout Ur Rapture
(a Petrarchan sonnet)

Rapture: 'tis a day to hark and then to rise
Harold's angels, you've heard tell
Will lead us out of earthly jail
To bear witness to His heav'nly eyes

Alas! Alack! Some will not go
Forth to the great beyond
They'll awaken to a darkened dawn
Such shall be your fate, you filthy ho.
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