Dave tried to kill me.

[elSicomoro]

What really happened will be in another post. I'm going to...ummm..."Ham" this up a bit.

So, Dave tried to kill me this weekend. That's right...that no-good sonofabitch tried to do el sicómoro in...and hopefully he has failed.

So, it started with the "I'll go to the Rev show in DC with you if you come down" comment. You see! Right off the bat he tempts me with the good Reverend!

So, I decide to go to the show in DC since it's the Reverend and it's going to rock your cock off. But a 3 hour drive took almost 5 hours...and I was nearly killed on I-95 near College Park, MD: Some dumb fucking bitch was trying to use her cell phone, and nearly ran into another car who almost ran into me...good thing I was paying attention and hit the brakes in time.

Then, b/c his stupid ass and his friend wanted to wait for me for lunch, they didn't eat until late. So Dave pigfaced on lunch before I got down there, ruining an opportunity to eat pad gai. (He did a similar thing when UT and I were down there last month...the fucker.)

Then, when we decided on Mexican for dinner, we went to Tippy's Taco House in Fairfax. There, he proceeded to spike my food and drink and give me a case of monster diarrhea, which could have easily turned into cholera.

At the show, he paid this group of assholes to not move when I tried to get through. And he also paid the moron that was dancing in front of me.

(Now I know why he was checking his cell phone so often at the show.)

On the way back to his house, he tried to get me a hooker, by having two girls pose seductively at 14th and K Sts. NW, knowing that I like the full-figured gals.

Then, the final straw. He has me sleep in his computer/workroom, where I was attacked by vicious spiders. That cost me 7 hours of work, $15 at the doctors' office, $22.50 in parking costs in Center City, and has left me unable to walk properly. And if I miss work tomorrow, that's another 10 hours, b/c I'm not eligible for sick pay until October 12. But it'll all be worth it when I own that house in a year or so.

So, let this be a warning to all those who befriend Dave...don't trust this no good so-and-so any further than you can throw him. And he's a big guy, so you ain't gonna be throwing him very far.

Oh, and did I mention that he tried to steal my cell phone charger? The nerve of this guy!