The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-21-2012, 06:44 AM   #1
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Dear Carrot

Dear Carrot,

It is, I think, high time you and I agreed to a set of basic house rules. I realise that, as far as you are concerned, this is already the case, but frankly, not peeing on the carpet and not biting mummy's face is not a sufficiently comprehensive list.

Here then are a few suggestion of what might sit comfortably in our new list:

First, I would very much like it if you would please refrain from stripping the wallpaper. It is not helpful, and it does not improve the general look of the kitchen, or indeed, the bathroom. Admittedly, the bathroom wallpaper is positively vile and probably should be replaced but I'd really rather handle that myself, thankyou very much.

Secondly, whilst I admit that the natural wood look can be very attractrive, it is best acheived by sanding down the wood and then treating it. Simply biting away the paintwork is not the same thing, and the end result, I think you'll agree is not what one would ideally want in a fireplace, or indeed a doorframe.

I therefore propose a rule that forbids any decorating work on your part unless and until such time as you can properly handle and manipulate decorating tools and have learned to hang wallpaper.

Thirdly, books are for reading. I don't think you are getting the full benefit of my extensive collection of history text books by ingesting the pages piecemeal. And whilst I applaud your choice of texts (an ancient copy of Little Women, and E. P. Thompson's The Making of the English Working Class) I do find your method of approaching them to be, at best, inconvenient.

We need to add a rule, then, about not eating mummy's books. Should you really have a burning desire to understand gender identity and nationhood in eighteenth-century Britain, you need only ask and I will happily read you the relevant texts. Eating my copy of Linda Colley's Britons: Forging the Nation is not allowed.

Last, and by no means least, the matter of recall. I really cannot stress enough the importance of not running away. Particularly, it has to be said, when allowed into the garden for a quick wee. I think even you will agree that cavorting in the street and playing tig amongst the parked cars, though I accept might have had its pleasant aspects as far as you were concerned, carries potential dangers as an activity. What you may not have taken on board, however, is the additional and very specific danger you face should you ever do that to me again. I hope we are quite clear about this.

The final rule therefore, is that you will come to me when I call you. You will absolutely not bugger off into the street and play in the road. Until I am absolutely sure that you have taken this rule to heart, we will continue to employ the 15m training line during any garden time.

So, my little carrotcake, please do think about these rules. Consider them, digest them, and take them to heart.

Fondest regards,

Mummy.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2012, 07:03 AM   #2
Griff
still says videotape
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 26,813
Be careful with old books especially, some dogs can not stop!
__________________
If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you.
- Louis D. Brandeis
Griff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2012, 07:19 AM   #3
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
I feel so American. "Tig"

----

Dear mummy,

ok ok yes yes yes aha uh-huh yes, yes ok, what?


__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2012, 10:24 AM   #4
wolf
lobber of scimitars
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
Ah books ... old paper, well cured glue actually made of horse hooves. Teh Yummeh.

They're like potato chips.

(for our non-US Dwellars ... there was an advertising campaign for Lay's Potato Chips in which Jay Leno, before he had anything like a decent career and was a struggling stand up commedian, informed us, "You can't eat just one.")
__________________
wolf eht htiw og

"Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island

High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis
wolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2012, 12:23 PM   #5
Lamplighter
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods
Posts: 6,402
Quote:
Dear Carrot,

It is, I think, high time you and I agreed to a set of basic house rules.
I realise that, as far as you are concerned, this is already the case,
but frankly, not peeing on the carpet and not biting mummy's face
is not a sufficiently comprehensive list.
<snip>
What a well-formed letter !!!
warm-hearted and over-the-top understanding.

Now, just wait till he's old enough to write back
... with the list of things bothering him.
Lamplighter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2012, 01:46 PM   #6
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Dani you crazy fool.
You should have just got a nice quiet cat...

All they do is pace around your bed at 05.00 when you've finally got to sleep after coughing all night, walking across your pillow and pulling your hair. Again and again and again - the bedroom door is open of course.

And vom all over your floor.
And bedclothes.
And then alternate, just as you have them reasonably clean (well, completely clean in the case of the bedclothes). And scare the life out of you because you think they must be dying...

Diz threw up all over Michael Palin's face last night, then tried to make it better by licking him clean again.
All I'd done was go to the bathroom so I could have a good hard cough and be in the right place not to worry if I brought anything up. Cough.

Yes, cats are much easier.
And Michael seemed fine after I cleaned him up.
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

Last edited by Sundae; 04-21-2012 at 02:15 PM. Reason: finially
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2012, 02:07 PM   #7
Griff
still says videotape
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 26,813
... and try to kill you in your sleep.
__________________
If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you.
- Louis D. Brandeis
Griff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2012, 10:40 AM   #8
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
He's cute and, apparently, he can read.

That dog is the shiznit!
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2012, 11:47 AM   #9
infinite monkey
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
I love that letter. What did carrot do when he read it? Storm into his room and slam the door?
infinite monkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2012, 01:29 PM   #10
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Well...he appears to have taken it on board as far as stripping the wallpaper goes, though usually puppehs do the thing they've stopped doing a short while after you notice they've stopped doing it so...who knows? :p

Poor babe's teething again so it's all intensified a little.

Today he discovered two wonderful new taste sensations in my quest to alleviate his discomfort: ice cubes (oh very nice. We liiiike ice. Not only is it cold on the old gums, but it skitters about the floor in a most satisfying manner) and his first paddywack, which went down well, took quite a while to get through and seemed to thoroughly occupy his attention for almost half an hour.

I have ordered from an online supplier an antler chew in attempt to give hime something as satisfying as the sidetable leg (he's almost though it, seriously, I've had to turn it around so if the leg gives the lamp will fall in towards the wall rather than out onto Carrot). And also wrapped his solid rubber teething toy in kitchen roll and stuck it in the freezer for half an hour. That also went down quite well.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2012, 01:50 PM   #11
Pico and ME
Are you knock-kneed?
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Middle Hoosierland
Posts: 3,549
Wrap foil around the the places he likes to chew. If that somehow doesn't deter him, then coat the foil with Tabasco sauce.
__________________
Jesse LaGreca in 2012

“Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Science without humanity, Knowledge without character, Politics without principle, Commerce without morality, Worship without sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Pico and ME is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2012, 12:55 AM   #12
ZenGum
Doctor Wtf
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
Did you get him to read that letter? It would be much more effective to write it out and feed it to him.
__________________
Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008.
Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.
ZenGum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2012, 11:24 AM   #13
wolf
lobber of scimitars
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
That's not ice. Those are "water bones."
__________________
wolf eht htiw og

"Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island

High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis
wolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2012, 03:38 PM   #14
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by wolf View Post
That's not ice. Those are "water bones."
We call pizza crusts 'pizza bones', and Cheerios 'donut seeds', both thanks to the Cellar.
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2012, 07:56 AM   #15
Trilby
Slattern of the Swail
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
I smiled yo myself then thought "dani is in luuuuuuuuuuuurve"

with her puppeh. Which is as it should be.
__________________
In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
Trilby is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:30 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.