Stupid Things You've Done

[Trilby]

I married a drug/alcohol counselor.

I believe I win this round.

Originally Posted by Brianna

I married a drug/alcohol counselor.

I believe I win this round.

Only if he was an addict, as well.

Here's a really stupid thing I did today. (I wonder if I'll get arrested? )

Remember how I posted that I figured the ax murderer did away with my kitty, Traveler? OK, you all don't remember, but that's the context for the following:

I had put up "lost cat" fliers around town, but two days ago we had a horrific wind storm which blew all my fliers away. The wind also caused 2 hour power outages in my town, snapped the branches off trees and caused the wood slats on my front deck railing to blow off and land in the neighbor's yard three houses down. But that stuff is not important. My fliers were all gone!

At this point, I don't expect to ever see Traveler again. People have tried to be helpful and I got a number of calls from folks who thought they found him but hadn't. People even come up to me on the street and ask about him. Well, the ax murderer got him.

Still, I decided to post the fliers one last time as a sort of ritual in Traveler's memory. He was a very cool kitty and I miss him alot.

I went around with my staple gun and my fliers and I posted a flyer in front of the post office and then went in to check my mail. Well, as fate would have it, the ax murder's PO Box is in the row right above mine. When I walked in this afternoon, the postal workers had gone home for the day and no one else was in the post office. I had my handy staple gun in my hip pocket, and I whipped it out and pretended to be Annie Oakley and shot at the ax murderer's box.

Well, damned if I didn't score a direct bull's eye! The staple went right into the key hole of his box. Now, I am not a good shot and the odds of this happening must have been a zillion to one.

I stood there for a moment dazzled by my excellent shooting skills until I realized its probably a Federal crime to tamper with someone's post office box. So I went over and tried to pry the staple out. It was in there good! I tugged at it and it finally snapped off with part of the staple still in the key hole.

The ax murderer is not going to be able to open his box on Monday, and I will be the prime suspect. This wouldn't bother me but for the fact that the post office might have one of those closed circuit cameras like ATM's do and what if my Calamity Jane stunt got caught on video?

So I'm wondering. Should I go turn myself in on Monday and hope that my co-operation will put the postal service in a forgiving frame of mind or should I say nothing and wait to see if anyone comes after me?

What a dumb stunt!

[Elspode]

I'm guessing the guy asked for your phone number *before* you hurled and passed out?

[footfootfoot]

It depends on how small a town you live in and if you have any allies at the P.O.

I find small towns tend to keep things local.

[Amnesiac42]

stupidest things i've ever done. i'm 23 now, but i've done some stupid things...

when i was 7 i used to sit on this glass table on our back porch all the time. being the naturally inquisitive and curious person that i was and still am, i wondered if i could stand on it to get to my roof (what i would do from the roof was unknown and unimportant, i just wanted on the roof dammit). so i stood on the table to see if it would hold my wieght (i currently weigh about 120 lbs, i'm skinny, at the time you can estimate). at first no problems, i remember thinking "wow" and at that instant i went straight through the glass, cutting open my ankle and big vein. i have a cool scar and dumb story to show for it.

also when i was little, our dining room was really small. it had the table, 3 walls and a wine cabinet. i used to run around the table in circles for no reason and one of these times i met the corner of the wine cabinet with my ear, splitting it apart about a mm at the top. i have this funny two-bump scar thing, that you can't even tell is there unless you feel it for yourself or look at it really closely (which none of you will ever do, i hope). now the stupid part is that i have the same scaring on my other ear perfectly symetrical with the other one. yes, that's right: i ran the other direction around the table and did the same thing.

let's see...what else...

in high school i was out at like three in the morning with a friend riding shopping carts around a parking lot when i rolled one down a hill and into a police car which came looking for us (and failed to find us). we found a roll of carpeting outside of someone's house and carpeted an entire coldesac. we put people's mailbox's facing inwards, we put other people's houses up for sale...you know i don't think i have the guts or mental problems to do these sorts of things anymore...

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

It depends on how small a town you live in and if you have any allies at the P.O.

I find small towns tend to keep things local.

I don't know if I have allies at the post office or not. I'm friendly with them, but its just in a chit chat sort of way. I don't know any of them off duty or anything.

They might have to even put a whole new lock on the box for all I know. I don't see how they'll be able to get that bit out without taking it apart. I'm tempted to go over with something to try to work the staple out, but that could REALLY backfire on me!

Right now, I'm thinking the best thing to do is to go in first thing Monday and fess up to my foolishness and abjectly apologize. I wouldn't, though, if I knew that they didn't have any videocams in the place.

Maybe I'll just staple myself inside my house and prepare for a seige with the SWAT Team.

[Tonchi]

Confess, but tell them you were trying to juggle the staple gun while using both hands to get stuff out of your mailbox and it "went off accidentally." They don't have any reason to think you are acquainted with the tenant for the box above yours. Say something like "Wow, that sure was lucky that I didn't shoot myself, hee hee, that would be hard to explain at the ER", etc. Anybody in public service jobs hears so many idiotic stories they probably won't think yours was anything suspicious

[zippyt]

we found a roll of carpeting outside of someone's house and carpeted an entire coldesac

EGGSALANT !!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Tonchi

Confess, but tell them you were trying to juggle the staple gun while using both hands to get stuff out of your mailbox and it "went off accidentally." They don't have any reason to think you are acquainted with the tenant for the box above yours. Say something like "Wow, that sure was lucky that I didn't shoot myself, hee hee, that would be hard to explain at the ER", etc. Anybody in public service jobs hears so many idiotic stories they probably won't think yours was anything suspicious

The trouble is that this town is small enough that the folks at the post office know of my relationship, now non relationship to the ax murderer. I don't think they'll buy that the gun went off accidently and just so happened to hit his box.

I think I'm going to have to come clean with them and admit that I was aiming at his box and also honestly admit that I had no idea that I would actually manage to lodge a staple in it. I really thought the damn thing would just bounce off and no harm done. I have trouble making the staples stick into wood telephone poles! I never dreamed one might be so deadly to a metal post office box.

[xoxoxoBruce]

The Post Office will probably forgive you.......and turn you over to the phone company.

[itsjulie]

Originally Posted by Elspode

I'm guessing the guy asked for your phone number *before* you hurled and passed out?

I assume so! Night is a little fuzzy!!!!

[itsjulie]

Originally Posted by melidasaur

I have done that many times and have ended up with a white, black or green hand. I guess I'm just curious.

My stupid things are usually just ditzy things... and considering that I'm really not all that ditzy to begin with it makes them even more funny.

A few weeks ago, I squirted toothpaste on my hand, believing that it was facial lotion but I was about to brush my teeth so it just didn't make sense. I scraped it off with my toothbrush and carried on with my tooth cleaning.

I tend to trip and fall when just walking down the street - and by fall I mean that I am flat out laying on my face!

I've run several stop lights thinking that they were stop signs.

I've stopped at green lights - again - see above.

I often forget that I'm clipped into the pedals on my bike and fall over.

If I think of anymore - I will list them, but for now - I'm depressed by my stupidity.

LMAOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We would get along great!!! Love the bike fall over one!!!!

[plthijinx]

lessee here. i did do something similar to amnesiac42 only i was about 4 or so. with a brick. on top of a glass table. good thing dad was a surgeon. i've still got the scar on my left cheek/lip. if you research on some of my pics you can see there. now, when and if you do find those pics you'll ask your self "well what about the other scars?" easy. a jeep cj5 on county fire roads late at night and add in a high rate of speed. misnegotiated a left turn and got clothes lined by a mesquite tree then rolled up in the barbed wire fence we just drove through. yeah, it it it hurt. another stupid thing was racing supercross in my youth. i can tell you 3 days ahead of time when a cold front is coming and how strong the SOB is gonna be. only, i don't regret racing. i just wish i knew then what i know now......

[plthijinx]

oh yeah, and let's not forget my latest and greatest of speeding with an open container last friday and having to do the "drunk test dance" in front of the man.

[kelliekd]

Originally Posted by Amnesiac42

stupidest things i've ever done. i'm 23 now, but i've done some stupid things...

in high school i was out at like three in the morning with a friend riding shopping carts around a parking lot when i rolled one down a hill and into a police car which came looking for us (and failed to find us). we found a roll of carpeting outside of someone's house and carpeted an entire coldesac. we put people's mailbox's facing inwards, we put other people's houses up for sale...you know i don't think i have the guts or mental problems to do these sorts of things anymore...

I wish I had gotten out more before I reached an age of accountability (18). I especially like the idea of putting houses up for sale, that could go unnoticed for a while. teehee