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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

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Old 02-16-2012, 07:39 PM   #16
classicman
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Whats that saying?
"In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson."
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Old 02-17-2012, 01:46 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
It may seem really obvious to some of you, but this is new territory for me to just tell someone that I don't really care to hear what they have to say, w/o getting angry or emotional or feeling like I need to fight back or give as I get.

It seemed to work.

So, w00t 4 m3 and my l337 relationship skilz
I've been under increased pressure at work to be in a leadership role, requiring a lot of dealing with people very diplomatically, but also with very set expectations of what the allowed "rules of engagement" are. I've been applying my Asperger's towards mastering the mechanics of this arena. It has spilled over somewhat into my homelife--how I interact with my children and my wife. I see it as a huge positive--I'm having ideas like drafting a "standards of behavior" for the household, and other corporate-type structures. I think the kids will benefit a lot from having consistent, defined expectations, etc.

But I have to say, just because you're trying to make improvements to behavior and conduct...not everybody immediately appreciates that. I've found that what is 100% acceptable in the workplace, and in fact straight by-the-book, can somehow be "frustrating" to spouses. The thing is, I'm not trying to "trick" anybody--I'm perfectly genuine in my effort. I'm just doing what I think has been proven to be best practices.

I hope it works out for you.
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Old 02-17-2012, 03:14 PM   #18
Stormieweather
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Yay F3!! It really is rather freeing to realize it's perfectly fine not to care what someone else thinks of you.

As I tell abuse victims frequently...you are under no obligation whatsoever to explain, defend, justify, apologize or otherwise discuss your feelings, opinions, or wishes.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:02 PM   #19
Clodfobble
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flint
It has spilled over somewhat into my homelife--how I interact with my children and my wife. I see it as a huge positive--I'm having ideas like drafting a "standards of behavior" for the household, and other corporate-type structures. I think the kids will benefit a lot from having consistent, defined expectations, etc.

But I have to say, just because you're trying to make improvements to behavior and conduct...not everybody immediately appreciates that. I've found that what is 100% acceptable in the workplace, and in fact straight by-the-book, can somehow be "frustrating" to spouses. The thing is, I'm not trying to "trick" anybody--I'm perfectly genuine in my effort. I'm just doing what I think has been proven to be best practices.
The important thing to remember is, the goals for the workplace and the goals for homelife are different, so their best practices are going to be different. At work, optimum efficiency is completely desirable in pretty much every scenario. At home, however, children will not necessarily benefit from an optimally efficient bedtime process, for example. Sometimes an extra hug is needed, for a variety of reasons, and at-home best practices have to account for that difference in priorities. Just one example, there are of course many other daily scenarios to consider and no two will require exactly the same balance of structure versus compassion. I can tell you, though, that as a child I often felt like an employee, and I hated it.
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Old 02-18-2012, 03:48 AM   #20
ZenGum
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Just don't schedule a "performance review" during post-coital snuggling.
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Old 02-18-2012, 04:52 AM   #21
Sundae
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That you think it would not be positive is shurely a reflection on your performance!
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Old 02-18-2012, 05:37 AM   #22
ZenGum
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The paperwork would spoil the mood.



Really, I was just raising the point (ahem) that the office and the family have many differences.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:19 AM   #23
monster
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hope this helps...


.
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Old 02-18-2012, 10:46 AM   #24
skysidhe
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Good on you foot.

Zen, your post was totally unexpected. I chuckled.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:29 AM   #25
it
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
I don't really care, at all, what you think about me."
well, i am just going to make a wild guess: your lying out of your ass.

possibly as someone coming out of a marriage broken by lack of mutual reaffirmation being the broken brick in the tower... i am somewhat biased to see that as a main problem, but... it seems to me that the only reason you stop caring what she thinks of you would be a defense against not liking what she thinks of you.

if instead of blaming you she'd change her tone to a detailed ongoing thesis about how awesome you are and how much she admires you, your newly built wall will crumble.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:57 AM   #26
footfootfoot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by traceur View Post
well, i am just going to make a wild guess: your lying out of your ass.

possibly as someone coming out of a marriage broken by lack of mutual reaffirmation being the broken brick in the tower... i am somewhat biased to see that as a main problem, but... it seems to me that the only reason you stop caring what she thinks of you would be a defense against not liking what she thinks of you.

if instead of blaming you she'd change her tone to a detailed ongoing thesis about how awesome you are and how much she admires you, your newly built wall will crumble.
Not probably. I am highly suspicious of flattery, and know that actions speak louder than words.
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:40 AM   #27
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Except of the Cellar.
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Old 09-21-2012, 10:53 AM   #28
footfootfoot
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So she has put her foot down and is actively investigating finding a marriage counselor or mediator. We have begun a civilized discussion of going our separate ways and how that might be accomplished with minimum upset to the kids.

I suspect this will take a while.
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Old 09-21-2012, 01:48 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
So she has put her foot down
Well, you've got her beat there.

Then you put your footfootfoot down, and she fainted.




Seriously, I hope this works out well for you and yours.
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Old 09-21-2012, 04:30 PM   #30
monster
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I'm waiting for the beaver ephipany -not sure if your or hers......
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