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Old 11-17-2017, 10:53 AM   #601
Gravdigr
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I hope the person who invented glitter is roasting on the same spit, in the same pit in hell as the piece of shit who laid out my subdivision.

WTF was I thinking when I bought this god damned place?

WTF was I thinking when I took that pistol outta my mouth?

WTF was I thinking when I ducked when that motherfucker shot at me that time?

WTF was I thinking when I took that last breath?

I guess I was thinking "Suffer, motherfucker, suffer."
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Old 11-20-2017, 02:49 PM   #602
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Old 12-01-2017, 02:07 PM   #603
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Ya ever seen an Arab midget?
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Old 12-02-2017, 04:46 PM   #604
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Would women be less sexy, as sexy, or sexier, if, instead of two boobs, they had just one big boob? Like a camel hump poking outta their chest.
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Old 12-04-2017, 08:16 PM   #605
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depends if you like to put your dick between them or not?
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Old 12-05-2017, 06:32 PM   #606
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Good point.
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Old 12-07-2017, 05:33 PM   #607
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Human beings are just rotten as shit.
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Old 12-07-2017, 06:01 PM   #608
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10/80/10
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and so it goes
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Old 12-12-2017, 05:05 PM   #609
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Wuzzat, some kinda fertilizer?

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Old 12-12-2017, 05:30 PM   #610
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That bottom one is excellent.
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Old 12-24-2017, 03:02 PM   #611
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If Santa Clause drops lumps of coal on North Korea, will it violate UN sanctions?

Santa global positioning status: https://www.noradsanta.org/
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Old 12-24-2017, 05:51 PM   #612
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Yesterday I went to WallyWorld for some last minute stuff. As I'm getting out of GrandCherokee1, a guy and his wife (?) are getting out of their car 2 empty parking spaces away.

The guy takes a couple steps in my direction and says:

"Excuse me, sir?" (btw, do ya get used to that 'sir' shit as ya get older? It still fucks with me.)

I said "Can I help ya?", expecting him to ask for money, or some Xmassy, scammy-type thing.

He says "Boy, I sure hope so. I'll give you a $100 right now if you'll whup my ass so I don't have to go in here (pointing to WallyWorld).

I looked at him for a minute and said "Deal. But, you'll have to wait for me to come back out, I'm sure I'll be ready to fight by the time I get outta there." And then I looked the guy up and down right quick, he's 6 feet tall, 250 lbs if he weighs an ounce, and then I said "I might have to section off a piece of ya to whup on, you a pretty good sized old boy."

He laughed. I laughed. He's funny, I'm funny, we're all pretty fuckin' funny.

Dude's wife came off with the line of the year as far as I'm concerned. She said, without even glancing at the guy:

"If you wanted your ass whupped, you shoulda said something before we left the house."

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Old 12-24-2017, 09:32 PM   #613
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
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Old 12-24-2017, 10:43 PM   #614
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That is fucking priceless.
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Old 12-25-2017, 05:05 PM   #615
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gravdigr View Post

"Excuse me, sir?" (btw, do ya get used to that 'sir' shit as ya get older? It still fucks with me.)
I know exactly what you mean.
A few weeks ago I nipped out for some milk and as I crossed the road to the shop a member of the Ministry of Defence Provost Guard Service was just getting out of his vehicle. (There's a nearby MoD establishment).
So, I nod and wish him good morning and receive a 'good morning, sir' in response.
That took me by surprise as nobody ever calls me 'sir' unless they are attempting to extract money from me.
Proof, I suppose, if proof were needed that decrepitude really has set in.
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