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Old 02-03-2010, 10:11 AM   #901
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
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[I want someone to parse this thread into a series of real paragraphs with the whole story so far. I do not have the skillz to do it efficiently.]
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Old 02-03-2010, 11:21 AM   #902
glatt
 
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[If YOU can't do it, it can't be done.]
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Old 02-03-2010, 04:03 PM   #903
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
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[I want someone to make it into a wordle]
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Old 02-03-2010, 04:04 PM   #904
monster
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[...sundae girl said she was twiddling her thumbs....]
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Old 02-03-2010, 06:26 PM   #905
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barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
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[Turn it into one of those movie things]
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Old 02-03-2010, 07:22 PM   #906
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
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[oh yeah, that would be funneh]
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:35 PM   #907
lumberjim
I can hear my ears
 
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thru may 1 08

Carl's favorite shirt, ripped and bloody, was, of course caught in theupstairs guest bathroom. He knelt down to kiss the dog on the head. Then went in the cellar to get thejar of spicy armadillo pudding, then re-thought his actions. He cooked up some ferret fricasee with armadillo pudding and then washed his sore achy mouth out with burnt on residue. This was not a good move. Was he insane?I'm just not sure which person I want to emulate, he said. He limped to conclusions most times.
Suddenly, there was a footfall behind the shower curtain, well really a football-shaped girlapproaching who reached...

BRI! that says footFall. ...
Brianna (I am SO SORRY!)

...round the curtain and gave him a quite remarkable bucket full of clogged drain hair that smelled likedead people, but furnace was only leaking nuclear waste His only hope was miles away! Only in Cleveland would he find the tool necessary to break into Ms. Brianna's heart so she can feel the freedom or feel his suppressed, but astounding ego. But then a dog barked.... and awoked him
from his nightmare.

Carl's favourite shirt was on the crackling fireplace beginning to singe. He grabbed the can of gasoline and fled through the cellar door to the pickles! :: Ring:: ::Ring::!! It was LJ on the doorbell He wanted a CD, performed by Three Dog Night so that he could get downto the bar for Fluffy Ducks and hairless monkeys for the stew. Lj, hungry, naked, needing ferret fricasee, his huge, throbbing heart went out to Carl. But it bounced back. He decided to fry it in burnt peanut oil and snot butter but decided against it after all. "Thank goodness... "... saved some... "...Aunt Sally's... payote cactus jelly"...it's perfect... sexual purposes too he thought wryly. he said, laughing.
"I'll bet Jinx..."would be into...that kinky stuff if I find 4 million cash, then I'd have five million! Still, one million's a small amount of sex toys.

Meanwhile, across town a fire burns in Bruce's gut not to mention his basement! He was elected to moderator's handbook and preaching in thepulpit. Suddenly, a bigfoot came out and said "Hey" :Where am I? A booming voice resonated throughout thedank forest, soBruce's potato casserole saved us again! That's when spudcon started giving moonshine to the pig.
in a little hut that leaked pig juice constantly. Fourteen days later the pickled pig started to sing "Ooh, baby, baby!""whip it good" Bruce's potato casserole was poisoned by way of liberals. Thus, ending his burgeoning potato empire but soon it came to pass in the east that the sun
Brianna was setting! But wait that's impossible, IT'S A POTATO! Was he hallucinating or stinking heap, growing pile of potatoes sprouting many eyes.Yes, eyes! they see what a stinking heap will look like. Meanwhile behind his back, a sneaky spud is creeping and crawling toward his pants leg! Will it go all the way to his package? which DHL straight to his package the other day when he was taking a big steaming heap of creamed and strained spinach. Soon Carl will awake. Hearing strange voices, shaking the dreams and the pork 05-01-2008, 01:36 AM
Sundae Girl of all the 05-01-2008, 04:48 AM
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:39 PM   #908
lumberjim
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is there a limit on post length still? yes there is. the rest of this is 34,910 characters....limit is 10,000. i switched to threaded mode, and copied and pasted it into word pad.....deleting headers and time stamps......for like 20 minutes..... ok..enough of that.
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:46 AM   #909
Sundae
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Thanks darlin'
Am sniggering in the library.
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Old 02-19-2010, 09:53 PM   #910
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shaking the dreams and the pork of all the said,"WTF, Batman..?! I'm Bruce, Jim, Lumberjim, Isn't it? No, Jimmy Durante and I'm Welsh. this is fucked. I blame spudcon No it's not. Just following rules. Then the monster opened one eye followed by another then v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y swallowed Lj's head! Then burped, loudly! The giant wondered where Jinx was and winked slyly towards the treadmaster. There she was up a gumtree as always, eating her way through a Chipotle burrito. So Drax asked Where's the salad? Incensed, Jinx began to throw salad upwind, into the furry face of her secret lover! She winked, thinking "I miss her" and "I wish she was here instead of me" and started to pick her nose discreetly, like a 3 times a'ladaay.. But Carl's shirt (remember Carl's shirt?) was getting smelly even if he wasn't wearing it so he decided that he had to burn it. Burn, baby, burn! But after seventeen attempts to light his bid torch he gave up, Meanwhile, in Kansas Dorothy was dreaming of sexy scarecrows. And forgetting lions were attacking her she lit up huuuuuuge doobie! and shared it with little Toto. Who promptly fell asleep, and drooling scarecrow semen licked his lips and promptly vomited all over Carl's favorite shirt! "OH!... SHIT! Toto barked my bone is smoking!. The Scarecrow is smoking too!" Please give me vanilla cookies! Suddenly Carl's smelly shirt story ended abruptly. And a new beginning was at hand. The very next day, Carl - remember Carl? – went to get another smelly shirt, but someone shot him. What the fuck? I've done all I can Jim "I'm a Doctor, dammit, not a big wang specialist!"
Meanwhile, on planet Ravolox, the Doctor and his assistant the saucy Brianna, with the oral rinse and naked bent over the desk fashion sense. Confusing sentence disregarded, because its too ridiculous to contemplate we begin again. so, someone start! No way, man. Here we go...
Albert hated shoelaces, so, he threw a fit when he realized that the ceiling fan so to speak, and then he removed the laces from his shoes to make himself invisible and lighter. He left the cake out in the middle of the table in the hallway, when the cops arrived.
It was hot. Thankfully, the shoelaces were not. But his feet stunk and he was foaming at the rear of his foamy bottle brush. "YOU STINK," bellowed Drax, who was a self centered manic depressive bastard with penis issues. He so needs to KILL ALL YOU FUCKERS! He wielded his tiny little, shrunken plastic squirt gun with abandon, squirting a load of mayonnaise and yogurt in SteveDallas' face! Undaunted, SD answered by taking off his tighty whities without first removing his downy brownies showing his class A, Extra Large rosy red rectum to the crowd of mutant baboons who mounted him. His photo, obviously. excited all the wet crotched teens for miles around. But, wait! What about Albert's shoelaces? Were they wet or just stretchy? Perhaps both? Meanwhile at Jinx's place, Sundae was revving a stolen car to get away from her tormentor the insanely evil and cleverly disguised farting clown, Bubbles O'Leary. Meanwhile, back at the ranch several of the pigs were arguing "Four legs good!" which made no pork chops for me and my baby polar bear Albert. Remember Albert?
Later that afternoon Carl, Albert and George W. flew Airforce One to the Blue Oyster Cult concert in Germany @ Wacken Der Mule Off, and when they took the stage with HotPink leather the audience exploded in spontaneous human fits of laughter! Carl, Albert, W, It would take another lifetime to figure out what the hell is wrong with their big, huge members. Sara, conversely has the big vagina. And the stickiest. Sara was proud of her malodorous binbag of mussels, clams and shrimp But she hated her tiny bosoms. Saggy and drooping like old socks full of sand. That's when she reached down between her legs, eased back against the pulsating shower head and began to dream about her new cotton socks. At the same rate of pulsation, her treadmill would begin to vibrate causing her to gesticulate wildly and think about football hooligans, who disgusted their dirty underpants. Inside Big Brother, a massive fart resonated throughout the Universe, causing the unmitigated, superfluous oligarchy of Betelgeuse Central to fuck itself verily, thrice, notwithstanding two answers responded. So, henceforth... wait! -- Hark! The Harold of NottingsQuiltsChesire-on-Avon-by-the-Mer said "Methinks thou art of dodgy character and ill repute.”
Raputa! Raputa the braw bricht nicht! Good gracious me. A fartle, indeed was exuded from Woolworth's cafeteria when Angelina bent over and her knickers parted to reveal that she was not Angelina, but the famous transvestite, Fatty Arbuckle. Which was a a whole different barrel of monkeys. Fatty Arbuckle, meanwhile looked just like a fat man Al Gore in a stupid pose. "It's Pat!" cried a weeping whore gathers no moss on the north side of her left breast to right infected toenail oozing with pus. (here we go with medico lingo) Take her Mandingo! and slap her in her flapper in a wrapper. Like her papper used to slapper In the kisser with a swisher. Disregarding heretofore inconsequentialities, and nonproductive rhyming, we recommence proceedings:
We last saw yes, another flaw on the butt, the huge butt, of the deceased as it released its gaseous odours. Suddenly, from behind she was taken and strongly shaken until dead. SO, Carl's smelly shirt ended up involved in a murder. Whereby the reality of what had been previously believable had been stretched in goatse stylee to Hillary's combat level 4 which meant exceptionally evil underpant gnomes were about to begin gnawing on leather
and fingering the little man in the bad place. This caused a comet to explode. Donder and Blitzen, were only grazed by the globs of manatee spunk that flew freely coating everything completely foam party stylee.
Remember Carl's shirt? said the pixie. Where's my pocket? In my trousers! Today begins anew and my buttocks will remain almost completely encased in galvanized white terrycloth and not in sticky saran wrap for once anyway. All buttocks aside, the long hard road to the big wet sea of bacon fat and warm wet NASA diapers left a gigantic hole in the budget. The next day, against all expectation, Carl's shirt was covered in skidmarks primarily from the treadmill. The plane was owned by Richard Branson but did not brown.
That's shit's funny said Branson as
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Old 02-19-2010, 09:56 PM   #911
spudcon
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back in Texas, Flint's chicken soup was just what made him sick. Improper poultry handling is another aspect of poultry sex which the lumberjim indulges in, often when his camel humped his leg and covered him with fictional slander. And raw elderberries! Much to his chagrin lumberjim started to lick off Carl's shirt buttons. You remember Carl the man with the kalidescope eyes isn't in heat, just smells goatish to the average goat owning Republican bashing left wing left testicle, left handed monkey wrench left at home. He then began to pontificate about his bloated pancreas, which looked like left over borscht. Meanwhile, in Kansas Dorothy and Toto were having sex again! But this was nothing new. Ever since Darwin and that platypus did the deed before marriage. Everyone has platypus ancestry and duck bills to go with their webbed feet and duck nuts that were very large and potent! He also had a very large and very impressive collection of balls which he displayed wherever and whenever he wanted to. However, She decided his balls sucked -- sucked balls, actually -- chocolate salty balls wrapped in a saran wrap sling getting very sweaty and ready for the bomb squad to arrive. Once he'd been detonated he could fart with complete impunity and a scale model of the most massive yet as yet unexplained brown corn canoe which floated the Dunube during a group sex session with six goats, a tub of chocolate pudding and five fat oysters.
After this feast he went searching for five fat bangers, and then banged them mercilessly on a pole in the corner, of the Vegas Strip under my left tit; so it flopped hard and landed on lumberjims enormous head. He fell to drinking hard and complaining about his lack of eating tasty, nutritional aphrodesiacs that made his heid even bigger!
Out of nowhere, came a headshrinker who took one look at the massive heid, and sat it down on a stump. Meanwhile, back at the police station a rectal examination was increasingly imminent to determine the size of the object up his, by now, painfully swollen and oozing fireman's passage. However as the shadows slowly take over my tiny brain and permeate the shockwaves of sex rippling through the pelvic floor of Ann Arbor Mall, it becomes evident this is over. Made with little boys in mind, the small replicas of their tiny phallic members only further proved that his sexual preferences were all-American! America! Fuck Yeah! Suddenly, Allah arrived. “Bless you my cellar dwelling charges, I am here to pump you with my mighty bike pump nozzle. Unless you're obscenely well endowed, then welcome in!" But if not endowed with the exceedingly largest bank account fuck right off. Allah said this! Then the monster with the flabby pickle turned to rip him a brand spanking new one, but just as he started a thirsty koala with HUGE paws and a huge ego, began to masturbate in the eucalyptus leaves. Then you can guess what Avon did. They chemically engineered that combo and marketed it as Juicy Fruit gum. The general public who were mostly not concerned with the origin of this delicious fragrance bought it like whores in church. For Valentines Day, not concerned with lavishing gifts or getting any then PETA made a complete 180, buying PETA = PITA easy as pie said the muffin to lady man with the tiny humping puking dog. Oh, lovely, said Bubbles, the Farting Ferret. I want some GasX, please for my aunt who has a case of the vapors. Ever since she accidentally ate the crackers I dropped in the industrial waste receptacle. She contracted O157:H7 which is AKA e coli bacteria, also known as, Mystery Meat Surprise.
I always say "You never know what sort of mystery your meat will get in, but you know when meat is as big as a Volkswagen, it's a lost cause." I say that, size is really important to me. When I reminisce
about Wanda's poon, it makes me all mushy inside. But poon can't always make me compensate for the memories of that one night in Thailand, where the glistening mounds of tw's longwinded bullshit just made me all mushy inside.
The Car Soccer mom drove was on fire and her acrylic nails scraped frantically on his belt buckle as she attempted to free him from the rare Jabberwock Jock fungus that had infested and mutated into a new strain of the deadly yet hilariously emasculating Hillary emasculating virus. Meanwhile, Bill was the mercenary for all interns who post on the interwebs when they use the Google. From now on cigars will be only smoked virtually thru the hole (he said 'hole') in Pelosi's head
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