Humor...I Need Humor...

[lumberjim]

Ow. I think I'd rather be gay

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

Ow. I think I'd rather be gay

Either way, the first time will hurt. :-)

[Gravdigr]

See there, that's the shit I missed.

[Gravdigr]

See, they're at the Grey Matter Brain Bistro, see.

The menu reads Einstein, Edison, Tesla, Hawking...And on the Lite Menu? Lohan.

Don't forget Today's Special...

[xoxoxoBruce]

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him.

As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.”

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.”

[orthodoc]

Bruce, I do love you ...

[Nirvana]

Americas Misguided Children
TEACHER ARRESTED--SHOCKING.

A public school teacher was arrested today at Tampa International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

[Lamplighter]

Obama's remark brought a question to my mind...

If we had evolved with only 2 fingers/hand and 2 toes/foot,
would we have invented computers sooner ?

[Clodfobble]

*sigh*

That final paragraph might as well read, "And Obama fainted."

[footfootfoot]

Here's a great crossword clue I just made up:

Misunderstood pin up girl


Betty Garble

[BigV]

*chuckle*

[Nirvana]

.

[Pete Zicato]

The past, present, and future all walk into a bar. It was tense.

[Nirvana]

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He starts the stop by asking the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer, in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.' The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

[footfootfoot]