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Old 10-10-2013, 10:22 PM   #181
orthodoc
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Shit does wash off, but if my cat pooped on my pillow I'd take steps to ensure it didn't happen again. Not by killing the cat, but ... one could theoretically use the Hierarchy of (Industrial Hygiene) Controls:
a) Substitute a less toxic substance - not possible unless you have a robo-cat;
b) Change the process - see (a);
c) Engineering controls - isolate the process (put cat out of bedroom); machine guards (? put rails and a mosquito net around and over your bed so that cat doesn't have access?)
d) Administrative controls - lessen the amount of time you spend in bed;
e) Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) - a face mask to prevent rolling over and mashing cheek into poop on pillow? Other suggestions?
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Old 10-10-2013, 11:24 PM   #182
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f) Prevention - an appropriately placed cork in the cat
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Old 10-11-2013, 03:43 AM   #183
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g) Take poor baby to the vet. I will have to ask for credit card access which will not go down well, but let's put it this way, had to change bedding and wash onesie again last night. As well as duvet, as he managed to sit his poopy fur right on the part where it pokes out at the end of the duvet cover.

I ended up downstairs on the sofa under a spare duvet in the (correct belief) that if he didn't have me to come to for comfort he would go into his drawer and curl up there, thus containing badness until it dried.

Poor baby.
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Old 10-11-2013, 07:59 PM   #184
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Showing my inner intelligence here

THE GHOST POO
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl.

THE CLEAN POO
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper.

THE WET POO
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you dont ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE POO
This poo happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees,and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POO
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN POO
No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG POO
The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER POO
The kind of poo you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POO" POO
The kind where you want to poo, but even after straining your guts out all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

THE WET CHEEKS POO
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE LIQUID POO
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

THE MEXICAN FOOD POO
A class all its own.

THE CROWD PLEASER
This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.


THE MOOD ENHANCER
This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL
This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POO
A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

THE AFTERSHOCK POO
This poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POO
This is any poo created in the presence of another person.

THE GROANER
A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings.

THE RANGER
A poo which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM POO
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO POO
Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL
A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poo (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near pooing facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny poo which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

THE OLYMPIC POO
This poo occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poo.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE POO
This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POO
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T poo.

PREMEDITATED POO
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

POOZOPHERENIA
Fear of pooing - can be fatal!

ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POO
Also known as a "Still Going" poo.

THE NUCLEAR POO
It's a Kind A Poo That Happens when you eat the ghost chili. Combo of The Bombshell and the second wave. this poo will ruin your bathroom and clears the house. WARNING: it will hurt your ASS & Rip ya a new One!

THE POWER DUMP POO
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER POO
This kind of poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poo.)

THE SPINAL TAP POO
The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" POO
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poos. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

THE PORRIDGE POO
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two chooces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POO
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POO
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POO
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.
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Old 10-12-2013, 07:51 PM   #185
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Wasn't there one about a poo only making it half way out?

I had a No More Pumpkin Seed Shells Poo recently. Like the dorito one, but more needle and razor blade like.
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Old 10-12-2013, 08:15 PM   #186
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I can't believe I forgot to mention that I posted that last from the bowl.
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:18 AM   #187
orthodoc
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More water, LJ/JH. More water. That is all.
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:50 AM   #188
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I have a whole Profanisaurus to refer to if you want a more comprehensive list.
But perheps a new thread might be better...?
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Old 01-20-2014, 12:32 AM   #189
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Goodnight Tonchi, wherever you are.
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Old 01-20-2014, 02:26 AM   #190
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@limegreenc http://cellar.org/showpost.php?p=879931&postcount=184
you missed one, (and @sundae it's not in the Profannisaurus)

THE STANDY-UPPER POO
A poo, probably trained in civil engineering, that lays a foundation at the bottom of the pan and then builds vertically until it breaks the surface of the water and forms something like a skyscraper, dry and above the water.

Sometimes called THE ICEBERG POO for obvious reasons, but should not be confused with the HAZARD TO SHIPPING POO which is itself often called the FUCK ME, THAT BASTARD WILL SINK A SHIP JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE, or occasionally THE APB POO or in extreme cases THE ESCALATING TO DEFCON-1 POO.
Even experienced marine biologists gave been known to class it as a GREAT BROWN SHARK though the only bit they got right was to get the hell out of its way.
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Old 01-20-2014, 11:07 PM   #191
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ZenGum?
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Old 01-29-2014, 01:51 PM   #192
Sundae
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Going to bed now.
By the time I settle in and settle down it'll be about 20.00.
By the time I sleep it'll be about 04.59.

I'm getting up at 05.00 for my first solo bakery shift.
My anxiety - which generally runs at a high seven I admit - is definitely at a Spinal Tap eleven. When I was being trained I still worried and fretted and then dreamed about bread all night before I started work.
I expect this to be a 14 hour shift - ten hours worrying and fretting and four hours actually at work.

Can it be that bad, really?
I refer you back to the previous sentence regarding anxiety. It is ridiculous, but it is real.

Goodnight.
I hope you sleep well.
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Old 01-29-2014, 01:53 PM   #193
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Sleep tight.
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Old 01-29-2014, 01:55 PM   #194
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I have confidence in you, Sundae.
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Old 04-21-2014, 08:35 AM   #195
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Goodnight. *hic*

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