Homer Jackson

[homerjackson]

No problem Lumberjim, I kinda feel that way.

I'm not putting on the brave face here. I have actually let go. Which is why I keep coming back. I know that if somebody is tired of hearing it, they'll stop reading this thread.

I have put up a brave front for friends and family because, I'm afraid that they will get sick of me and I'll lose them too.

I've let go, and now I'm thinking about tomorrow. And I'm going to live today.

I'll do my best to keep this thread alive. Don't worry.

HJ

[wolf]

While you're here anyway ... work on some of the other threads. Start some about your own interests and experiences ... It'll help remind you you have other things going on in your life too.

[DanaC]

Too much time alone thinking about it all can put you into a tailspin of depression and regret. But telling your friends or relatives carries repercussions, too. You feel like you should put on a brave face. You don;t want to make them feel obligated to feel sorry for you. It's an awkward thing.

Thats so true. I wish I had known about this place when I was going through the turmoil of a breakup. There really is something very very reassuring about the general sense of humanity in this cellar.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally posted by wolf
While you're here anyway ... work on some of the other threads. Start some about your own interests and experiences ... It'll help remind you you have other things going on in your life too.

Excellent suggestion. A breakup grabs your immediate attention. You feel like your life is crumbling where in truth only one part of your life is changing.
You might be surprised to find, very shortly, that your life is actually improving. I can remember saying, "I still love her, I miss her, but I'm so much better off without her." It didn't take that long.

[homerjackson]

Bruce, Wolf, Dana

Ok, spill the beans. You've heard my story and then some. Let's hear yours, if it's not too painful.

[homerjackson]

work on some of the other threads. Start some about your own interests and experiences ... It'll help remind you you have other things going on in your life too.

The funny thing about that is, I didn't have anything else in my life. I worked and went to school. I did all the shopping, housework and cooking. She didn't like doing that stuff, so I did it. I didn't have time for anything else.

I like cars and Movies. And in October of 2003, I sold my car of 14 years. It was my first car. My dad and I restored it when I was in high school. It was a 1966 Mustang. Candy Apple red, black interior and a sound that would blow up skirts as I drove by. I wasn't a mustang fan at all, but him and I go had so much history, I couldn't get rid of him (and yes, it's a boy).

I had been thinking about it for a couple of years that he would not be a good family car and since we were getting ready to start the family, I decided to let him go. I sold him for what I wanted out of him and he went to New Zealand. I can't even see him, which is good. Just like the wife, I don't want to see someone else riding him.

So I guess I'll start a car thread when I have something to talk about. Wolf, it's a good idea, thanks.

[xoxoxoBruce]

You've heard my story and then some. Let's hear yours, if it's not too painful.

Which one? Oh, it was a Corvette and GTO and a '55 Chevy.

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by homerjackson
This last week was hard. She called and told me told me that she is going to start a relationship with this other guy. They guy that I figured was the cause of this. So to answer your question, no I didn't have that many up days.

So last night, I wrote her a big long letter explaining my feeling and letting go. I'm devistated by the fact that she betrayed me, the last person in the world I thought would. So now, I must let go and concentrate on me. I've changed my diet, I've started to workout six days a weeks and I'm going to get back into shape. Then when I have confidence in myself, I'm going to find my Queen. I'm not going to get in a hurry though. I'm going to live life to the fullest. I'm going to find me.

*jumping up and down cheering!!!*

I know what that's like (to "find" myself), and some parts of it may not be easy, because what I've found is that when you do that, you have to take a hard look at yourself to see what things *you* may have done to contribute to where you are...do you know what I mean? No one likes to admit that they've done something to contribute to being in a bad place in life, but sometimes, it could be just little things that need to be changed, and you seem to be well on your way.

Good luck!!!!

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by homerjackson
I love her (even though I would never take her back, I can) and I want her to be taken care of, but at the same time, I hope that she persues this relationship with him because I know that sooner or later she will get in too deep and realize the mistakes that she made and regret it. Is that bad of me to say?

Hell naw! I'll admit that I wish all kinds of bad to people who have done me a great wrong in life...in any event, karma might take of her anyway. *evil grin*

Queen: meaning that I want her to feel like I'm taking care of her and that she is the only one in my life. That she feels special. That she knows that I love her and she is happy. No, I'm not going to buy her everything in site, that's where I went wrong with my wife....she wants and wants and wants but it never makes her happy. I use the word Queen because I want her to feel like she is a Queen of my world and that I'm the King in hers. I don't know how else to describe it without sounding superficial. I guess I'm still a hopeless romantic.

Oh, you'll find her yet. Don't waiver from this belief.

Either way, She (my wife) keeps turningt that knife in my back a little harder each time we speak and I hurt from it, but I'm amazed that I can bounce back like I have because before I would have probably killed myself.

Try like hell to stop feeling that way. She may be gaining pleasure by hurting you, and to be able to show her that you are not, that'll piss her off even more.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, and living well is the BEST revenge. Sorry, feeling fiesty today, but in a revengeful,good way.

[DanaC]

Sorry, feeling fiesty today, but in a revengeful,good way

*attempts an American accent* You go girlfriend!

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by DanaC


*attempts an American accent* You go girlfriend!

*faking a British accent* By jove, I think you've got it!

[xoxoxoBruce]

See Homer, I told you women are cold.

[DanaC]

Ok...beanspilling is it? *nods* fair enough. I just split from my partner of 12 years....I say just, it was actually nigh on two years ago....and found myself in the unenviable position of staying in a back room at my mum's little cottage. I tried to find a place to rent but my credit rating is shot to buggery and all the letting agents credit check.....I finally moved to my own place about 3 months ago. This is the first time in my entire life I have lived alone. *smiles*

My ex and I never had what anyone might call a simple relationship *chuckles* We were a couple of messed up teens with our fingers hovering over the self destruct buttonwhen we met. I loved him though. I am quietly convinced I will never love anybody the way I loved him. Still love him. He is the one who was there when I did much of my growing up. We were each other's sounding board whilst we were figuring out, who we were, what we thought....and helping each other learn to cope with what life had dealt us.

There were some very dark times. Recreational drugs taken too far ( though never to addiction and rarely for long) the abandonment of study and ambition....A lot of the time we were both quite depressed and neither of us really equipped to deal with the other's angst....though we tried. Sometimes we were explosive...not violence....but that crackling edge of lightening underneath it all. We were intensely political and were active on the left.

I dont know. Somewhere along the line having no money and living in a dying town that seemed to sap the will from all its inhabitants we just ......slipped into coping.

Its the strangest thing. For all the world its like I went to sleep for a handful of years....I probably did in fact *chuckles* I became a champion sleeper....now theres a surefire way to escape for a while.

We were so explosive when we met. It felt like rock and roll. Sid and Nancy. Bob and Sarah Dylan...I remember making the decision within months that I would fight for this til the day I die.....I would be the unconditional love. I would always always be there. Quite a shock then when I realised it was not what I wanted any more. Quite a shock when I realised I was in fact deeply unhappy....When the idea first struck I chased it away. It was anything and everything but the need to be single...That was not an acceptable solution. I had made my decison and would try to live with it.

What made it so hard was that I never stopped loving him. I just stopped wanting to be in a relationship with him. Even that wasnt as cut and dried as it sounds. I was in a state of such terrible confusion. I never want to feel such confusion again.

He I dont doubt was having his own time of questioning. We'd been one of those couples that had raging rows that led to one or the other turning up at a parent or friends house with a glum look....but that never actually felt like breaking up....not really. Such a thing in reality seemed almost inconceivable.It was as if the fact of our relationship hadbecome immutable even whilst we recognised that we were in crisis....we'd been in crisis so much of our time together.

I realise as i write this it all sounds terribly bleak......and it was....except for when it wasnt if that makes sense ;P there were times of great closeness. There were evenings just chilling and talking every subject under the sun. When the levels of stresss dropped below boiling we were each other's best friend. We started and ran a business together with my brother. We did many things together. We tried to make it work

The break up was less messy than one might expect after 12 years. We had no kids, it had never seemed the right time....we do share custody of a colliedog though *smiles* But even though we both tried desperately not to hurt the othr it isnt possible to come to terms with the fact your partner of many years no longer wants you a partner without some degree of pain.

The last few years together were a maelstrom of stress both from outside the relationship and within... oh the times I have plastered a brave face across that...All I wanted to do was stop breathing. Anything but deal with the conclusion that was starting to make itself felt. I havent felt so alone before or since. Such dualism in my thinking, such confusion I felt. And fear. In such a state I was, that I gave many a mixed signal and made many a preemptive strike....I made it messier than it needed ti be at times.....and at other times I did the right thing. I suspect in roughly equal proportions.

So...here I am....alone....on the wrong side of 30 wondering what happened to the 18 yr old hippy chick with a passion for history and a fiery temper. I used to wonder that when I was still in the relationship and it would make me feel cold....Now I feel sad but content. This is what I have wanted for last few years. I have spent somany hours daydreaming of this solitude...now I have it and I find I do not guard my time so jealously...I dont sleep as much, I read more. And my ex? Is still my best friend. After all I helped him grow into the man he is just as he helped me become the woman I am.

The most disconcerting thing now for me, is that I cannot imagine ever wanting to give up my single life and have no real desire to launch into any relaionships.....almost two years it all still feels like it just happened.....I am still revelling in my independance and space. I have a nagging fear that I will get to the age of 60 and then think.....shit..I should have gone for it. Fear of fear.....great, another circular thought pattern:P

There.....thats how today's me characterises the breakup.....ask me another day it would probably change some. Impssible to really capture a process involving more than one person and several years in such a way.....

Incidentally....I am back to my historical studies and redicovering my self in a way only someone who has been through such a lifechanging experience can do....Whilst my ex is currently involved in a love triangle about which I tease him mercilessly ;P

((I cant believe how long this post turned out to be....sorry..:p

[homerjackson]

DanaC,

All I can say is "Damn."

That close to what I see in my own relationship. Expect, I wanted to make it work. I didn't want to give up. But sometimes, I guess you have to.

We had a saying, "If it's easy, it isn't worth it." Well, this isn't easy for me. Either way, I would have had work to do, so I will triump through this.

It's good that you two were able to stay best friends. She was my best friend and it's killing me to lose her. I don't think we will stay in touch. It still kills me to talk to her and she's never been the type to stay in touch with anybody. I'm sure that it will be the end.

Solitude....I hope I can deal with it for now. But I do want a relationship, just not for a while. I have to heal.

Thanks for your story. I hope that I can be as tough as I imagine you are.

Anybody else??????

[xoxoxoBruce]

I'd love to tell you my story, Homer. Unfortunately I can't, because I sold the rights to Warner Brothers. They're going to do a feature length movie. I will be played by Wylie Coyote.