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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

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Old 04-13-2012, 01:43 AM   #1
Ibby
erika
 
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Conveying the full extent of one's meaning in the best way possible: Communication]

I’ve long since realized that part of what turns people off so much to how I communicate is that I can only do the implied, the subtextual, the synecdoche, when I do abstract, emotional, expressionistic things. I can only communicate the real and factual and immediate through complex, multi-clausal, lawyeristic, layered phraseology that insists on accuracy above humanity. I always feel the need to express an entire (parenthetically or clausally interrupted for clarification [possibly multiple times]) train of thought for fear of feeling somehow stupid or crazy or weird for worst of all misconstrued. It’s the perfect way to write an academic paper or draft legislation or defend a client but it’s a shitty way to maintain interpersonal relationships.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:00 AM   #2
Aliantha
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yep
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:20 AM   #3
ZenGum
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Word.



Well, paragraph.

fear deliberately misconstrued / trust to interpret fairly / trust other person in good faith?

word thinking mind, emotion feeling mind, different parts of brain.
word thinking can distract and take over.
way of protecting/hiding feeling mind.

need words for communication. clear emotional vocabulary.
to feel and to think about the feeling at once, and still feel.
practise, I guess.
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:17 AM   #4
limey
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However many you use to narrow things down, words only have an approximate meaning and you can never be sure that someone else will under a word (or a phrase, or a paragraph, or a tome!) the same way you do. Trust me on this one - words are my business!
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:54 AM   #5
Griff
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That's true limey. In the end, we just have to trust our friends to pick the lock of our meaning. I'm reading a book by Robert Hart about his version of Forest Gardening. If I wasn't persistent, his language, which is flowered with all the new agey Gaia speak, could have prevented me from learning some interesting things. Friends will do that, sit through our parenthetical phrases and unique vocabulary waiting for our meaning to appear. That doesn't mean we shouldn't attempt to refine our speech. Maybe its time to reread your Strunk and White and aim for clear and concise.
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Old 04-13-2012, 07:09 AM   #6
DanaC
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I can relate to that need for accuracy in communicating. And sometimes it seems that whilst I am very comfortable with language I am less comfortable with communication:p

I think it's a matter of learning to code switch a little more fluidly. Something which comes with practice and experience. As you rack up different experiences in different contexts and with different kinds of people, and as you get older and slightly less concerned with what you're projecting, as opposed to what you're communicating, it gets easier.
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Old 04-13-2012, 07:09 AM   #7
Undertoad
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Writing is made more clear by editing for brevity.

Einstein said "Things should be as simple as possible, but no simpler." He was talking about science education, but it applies here.
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Old 04-13-2012, 10:14 AM   #8
Trilby
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Brevity is the soul of wit.

The Bard is right again.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:36 AM   #9
BigV
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I dedicate this song to Ibram:



Quote:
Originally Posted by The Animals
Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I feel real bad.

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that, all I have to do is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know,
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems, and I get my share,
And that's one thing I never mean to do

Cause I love you,
Oh,

Oh, oh, oh, baby - don't you know I'm human
I have thoughts like any other one
Sometimes I find myself, Lord, regretting
Some foolish thing, some little simple thing I've done

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Yes, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Yes, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Yes, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
there's a time and place for brevity, not every time; not every place. Ibram, I am familiar with your need to express completely a given thought. I am often burdened with the same need.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:24 PM   #10
Flint
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Hemmingway and his drinking buddies would edit each others work, always looking for what was not essential and ELIMINATING it. Brutally. That's one way to do it. Write a full page essay, then work it down until you've got 1-2 paragraphs that convey the important points more clearly.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:38 PM   #11
Lamplighter
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FRESH EGGS FOR SALE.

Of course they are fresh:
EGGS FOR SALE.

Of course you're not giving them away:
EGGS.

Of course, they are not chickens
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Old 04-13-2012, 04:08 PM   #12
Pico and ME
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In not sure if you are using your posts here as an example, but I have always enjoyed reading whatever you write. Your posts are like little journeys and I have never worried about getting lost while reading them.
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:14 PM   #13
ZenGum
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On Flint's "trim it down" strategy, one useful exercise is to make a PhD student write their entire thesis as a haiku. Seventeen syllables, baby - what is the real core of what you're saying?

Sherlock Holmes liked telegrams for a similar reason. No-one waffles when they are paying by the word.
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Old 04-13-2012, 07:27 PM   #14
infinite monkey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenGum View Post
On Flint's "trim it down" strategy, one useful exercise is to make a PhD student write their entire thesis as a haiku. Seventeen syllables, baby - what is the real core of what you're saying?

Sherlock Holmes liked telegrams for a similar reason. No-one waffles when they are paying by the word.
I thought they paid by space. Otherwise, why wouldn't you use giant words on a telegram? Also, you'd pay extra for that extraneous dash.
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Old 04-13-2012, 08:17 PM   #15
ZenGum
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Definitely by word, although they tried by letter and even by syllable in the early days.

Aussies and some Brits will know of "Bodyline", a cricket strategy used by bastard pommies against the brilliant Bradman and his team, whereby the ball was bowled short and on the line of the body so it would bounce up and hit the batsman on the head.
It was originally called "line of the body" bowling until a journalist was thrippence short when sending a telegram. He changed it to bodyline and then had to argue that it wasn't body line. History was made.
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