The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Creative Expression

Creative Expression Post your own works and chat about them

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-18-2017, 04:39 PM   #1
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
A Poem for Cherry (very rough draft)

OK...I've been mulling this one for a little while. It's a very rough draft. It is very much subject to change. But - I also kind of like that about it for posting in here. Less polished, but maybe more honest.


For Cherry


A cloud breaks on the Chevin,
Tumbles its cargo down
To the town below, where
A beaded bench stands silent vigil
The birds know why
Passersby wonder at
their sudden stillness.

Far away and somewhen else
Through the stark beauty
Of a snowdecked Glasgow
Three ladies of a certain age
Slip sliding down frozen streets
One in biker boots,
another in sturdy shoes
the third in dayglo platform trainers
To better suit her mood.

They are laughing, easy
It is clear that they are friends.
One slips,
the others reach out their hands.
They share a taxi, a meal
And inconsequential tales
of cats in suitcases,
and rings of bells.

They smile for the camera,
Wave hello to their friends
raise a toast to the flash
0f the chef’s spinning blades.
The moment is caught
The stillness of the image,
A pregnant pause
In a silent film.
Repurposed to a Christmas card.

I smile back, at the faces in my hand,
We don’t move,
Our light is caught, full twinkle.
But I think I hear an echo
A faint burst of raucous laughter.
Inside, in a bold font,
she had christened us

The Three Christmasteers

Used a photograph from the previous year,
and now
It leaps out at me
Shuffled
from the little pile of kept things,
A reminder,
Of where we were
At the top of the hill,
Before the bench and the birds
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-18-2017, 05:58 PM   #2
Undertoad
Radical Centrist
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
aw shit d, i'm crying.

it has destroyed me. well done

this is what it's all about. you goddamn genius. goddammit
Undertoad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-19-2017, 02:09 PM   #3
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
Um...no.

No way am I ready for this yet.

Ain't even gonna try.
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-19-2017, 02:10 PM   #4
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
I tried.

Couldn't get past the first fucking line.
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-19-2017, 04:27 PM   #5
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Thanks, Toad. I'm glad you like it. I like to think Cherry would get a kick out of having a poem written for her.

She always had a better understanding of poetry than I did. My own I understand, but that's a pretty limited field :P
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2017, 09:16 AM   #6
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Okay, I've been playing with it - no major changes, but have altered the layout and punctuation, to try and make the rhythm clearer.



For Cherry


A cloud breaks on the Chevin,
tumbles its cargo down,
to the town below, where,
a beaded bench stands silent vigil.
The birds know why.
Passers-by wonder at,
their sudden stillness.

Far away and somewhen else,
through the stark beauty,
of a snow-decked Glasgow,
three ladies of a certain age,
slip sliding down frozen streets.
One in biker boots,
another in sturdy shoes,
the third in day-glo platform trainers,
to better suit her mood.

They are laughing, easy,
it is clear that they are friends.
One slips,
the others reach out their hands.
They share a taxi, a meal,
and inconsequential tales,
of cats in suitcases,
and rings of bells.

They smile for the camera,
wave hello to their friends,
raise a toast to the flash,
of the chef’s spinning blades.
The moment is caught.
The stillness of the image,
a pregnant pause,
in a silent film,
repurposed to a Christmas card.

I smile back, at the faces in my hand.
We don’t move.
Our light is caught, full twinkle.
But I think I hear an echo,
a faint burst of raucous laughter.
Inside, in a bold font,
she had christened us:
‘The Three Christmasteers’
Used a photograph from the previous year.

And now,
it leaps out at me.
Shuffled,
from the little pile of kept things.
A reminder,
of where we were,
at the top of the hill,
before the bench and the birds.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2017, 12:24 PM   #7
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
:'(
__________________
"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt
classicman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2017, 01:52 PM   #8
Pico and ME
Are you knock-kneed?
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Middle Hoosierland
Posts: 3,549
I love it Dana.
__________________
Jesse LaGreca in 2012

“Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Science without humanity, Knowledge without character, Politics without principle, Commerce without morality, Worship without sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Pico and ME is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2017, 01:54 PM   #9
fargon
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 8,924
What Pico said.
__________________
Annoy the ones that ignore you!!!
I live a blessed life
I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!!
Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.
fargon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2017, 03:24 PM   #10
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
Finally got through it.

Dana, that is wonderful, just wonderful.

"Far away and somewhen else..."

"I smile back, at the faces in my hand."

Awesome. Really.
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2017, 04:48 PM   #11
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
I'm so glad you like it. I am very pleased with it. I got what I was reaching for.



The Glasgow trips with Sundae and Limes are among my happiest memories.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2017, 03:09 AM   #12
limey
Encroaching on your decrees
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland
Posts: 7,016
They were great weren't they?! And you've caught them perfectly. Thanks Dana. X

Sent by thought transference
__________________
Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of
limey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2017, 10:56 AM   #13
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
Been avoiding this thread since I saw it go up. Made it through the first draft, just. Still way too raw.

Here is a photo for Dana of the box Classicman asked me to make for Cherry. It's the only photo I could find, I may have lost the others when my phone died.

The top is made from Cherry with a Walnut finial.

There was also a little spinning top inside which I didn't photograph.
Attached Images
 
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2017, 12:17 PM   #14
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
I I was waiting for your OK to post. Here is the other one I have.
Dana - please take a pic and post.
Attached Images
 
__________________
"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt
classicman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2017, 01:17 PM   #15
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
I'm having issues with the camera on my phone - hoping to avoid the dreaded factory reset. Certainly not doing it until I've finished Best Fiends - I've been playing the game since early September, I'm up to level 306 and no way do I trust that my progress will be saved if I have to reinstall :p




eta: it truly is a beautiful piece of work. The little spinning top is very sweet.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:04 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.