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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

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Old 07-07-2018, 03:40 PM   #1
Mountain Mule
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Yeah, I'm actually as stupid as this question might imply

So...

I'm going along, leading mi vida loca and taking an extended break from the bad boys who always make my vida even more loca than ever. I was just fine leading a semi-normal existence. "This is what my life SHOULD be," thinks I.

Then out of the blue a flash from my misbegotten past decides to get in touch after 10 years. Very long story short, this silver tongued devil talks me into reconnecting with him since he's ever so sorry, has learned his lesson, STILL loves me, blah, blah. Of course, I fall for this just like I always do.

This guy currently lives 400 miles away from me, and in the 3 months since that first call, we've managed to meet face to face only once, but we've been discussing moving back together in his town which also happens to be my old home town.

At first he called all the time, but then his calls became fewer and of course he had iron clad reasons as to why this should be so. Now I cannot reach him by phone at all. He keeps his cell turned off - always. No matter what time I call, his phone goes directly to voicemail. He doesn't have a personal message on the thing - just some robotic voice repeating "The number you are calling cannot be reached. Please leave a message..."

He never replies to my messages just as he never picks up the phone when I call. Should I miss a call from him by a minute or less and I try to call him back like immediately, he's already turned his phone off again and is once more unreachable.

Well, DUH! Dude so obviously has a GF back there in HomeTown and is afraid she might overhear a call from me or even intercept my call and speak with me up close and personal. I'm just a card up his sleeve in case the new gal grows weary of his games. Right? Right?

You guys in the role of strangers on the Internet are his last chance. You have been chosen because most of you seem too clever by half and you're mostly funnier than hell (note to self: start dropping in on the Cellar more often). Plus, you don't know either one of us, so you can be completely impartial.

Talk me into NOT just blocking his number and unfriending him on stupid FB, and never again calling the robot who answers his cell. Explain to me that actually I should give him his 50th chance because obviously, his Mama never loved him, he has a demanding job that requires he put in 18 hour shifts with no breaks, plus he is going deaf and can no longer hear the ringtone on his phone, etc.

Well?

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Old 07-07-2018, 04:09 PM   #2
monster
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Stop calling/stalking him. It's over, you've been dumped. Move on. It's nothing to do with another girlfriend or any other excuse.
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Old 07-07-2018, 04:15 PM   #3
sexobon
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I prefer to think:

He had a sugar mamma supporting him;

but,

she bailed on him;

so,

he reconnected with you

and

he has a pay-per-use phone;

but,

could no longer afford your calls;

until,

he found another sugar mama;

however,

it's too early to count his chickens;

so,

he's keeping a hen in the coop.

OR

He's very busy, working his fingers to the bone, pinching pennies until he's in a position to make you a proposal you can't refuse.

(I'm a hopeless romantic.)
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Old 07-07-2018, 04:35 PM   #4
Undertoad
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when relationships have been in that fresh new stage, if there was a chance she would call, i would make myself available. i would find a way.
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Old 07-07-2018, 08:34 PM   #5
xoxoxoBruce
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Run, don't walk, don't look back, fugetaboutit.
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Old 07-08-2018, 01:47 AM   #6
Flint
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You already know the answer.
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Old 07-08-2018, 09:44 AM   #7
Clodfobble
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You're being ghosted. He's done, stop stalking him.
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Old 07-08-2018, 12:09 PM   #8
sexobon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountain Mule View Post
… Now I cannot reach him by phone at all. He keeps his cell turned off - always. No matter what time I call, his phone goes directly to voicemail. ...
I hope you realize that he doesn't have to be turning off the phone. Cell phones can be set to block calling numbers so the phone doesn't ring and the call goes directly to voicemail. You can see if that's the case by calling him from different numbers. He can block those too without answering them; but, there's generally a limit as to how many numbers can be blocked (maybe like 250). Just go door to door asking people if you can make a call from their phone until you max out his blocking capacity. After that he can turn the phone off; but, in the meanwhile you'll have a new hobby and make new friends!
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Old 07-08-2018, 06:34 PM   #9
Mountain Mule
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monster View Post
Stop calling/stalking him. It's over, you've been dumped. Move on. It's nothing to do with another girlfriend or any other excuse.
Say it, girl! Say it!

I've fallen to an all time low - too vain to believe that I could be dumped - just like that and for no special reason other than it was a day which ended in "y." Me dumped? Nah, he ran off after a little slut even more gorgeous than I, and the kicker was that she has simply scads of money. Otherwise, he'd be here right now singing erotic love ballads underneath my second story window.

And I've been STALKING him? How cool is that? I never envisioned myself as a stalker, but I love all the possibilities it could offer to harass old flames and maybe even ending up spending a month in county when I break all my restraining orders. Thanks for the images!

And to answer your question posted down thread... I had the very best friend ever. She and I laughed all the time, loved the same food, drove up crazy mountain roads together - Thelma and Louise only without killing anyone or driving off cliffs. Then my friend "Gabriella" became very sick and died far too soon. I still want to pick up the phone and call her except Gabriella's funeral was almost 6 months ago. Someday I'll make some new IRL girl friends, but I'm just not quite there yet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sexobon View Post
I prefer to think:

He had a sugar mamma supporting him;

Wouldn't surprise me. He was famous for his sugar mamma type girl friends. I was even one - but these days, this mamma is plumb out of sugar.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sexobon View Post
but,

she bailed on him;


as any smart woman would

so,

he reconnected with you

and

he has a pay-per-use phone;

You are pyschic, my dear sexobon. My once and decidedly not future boyfriend is a technophobe living securely in the 19th century. He's got a burner phone that he buys refill cards for at 5X the normal price and he has no idea what to do with its many bewildering features like voicemail and volume control for both calls and ringtones. What's a poor boy to do when he's run out of minutes and can't afford to buy a new card until his next drug deal goes thru? (kidding on the drug deal - I think)

Quote:
Originally Posted by sexobon View Post
but,

could no longer afford your calls;

until,

he found another sugar mama;

however,

it's too early to count his chickens;

so,

he's keeping a hen in the coop.

Quite possible. I live in a rural area and the farmers and ranchers here are starting to sell off their lifestock due to severe drought - too expensive to keep all those cows in hay. No doubt the cost of chicken feed has gone up as well - especially when your little red hen demands a costly tracfone card.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sexobon View Post
OR

He's very busy, working his fingers to the bone, pinching pennies until he's in a position to make you a proposal you can't refuse.

(I'm a hopeless romantic.)
I would hope he has more imagination than that. He already pulled that "I'll do anything; quit your job and I'll take care of you" thing on me 10 years ago. Fool me once...

*sigh*

I almost wonder if he's a lurker on the Cellar (a vanishingly small possibility) because almost the same time as I hit the send key on my OP, my cell phone began to chirp the first bars of "You're no good, you're no good, baby you're no good..." (his very own special ring tone that I awarded him).
It had only been two plus weeks since his last call.

He loves me passionately, he misses me terribly, I have the sweetest voice of any girl he knows, etc., etc. Are we getting ready to break into helpless bouts of laughter yet? He hadn't the money for the phone card just as sexabon predicted. By golly, if it takes his last dime, he's going to go buy a better phone - one that's electronic wiring will do a much better job of ricocheting off 400 miles worth of microwave towers mostly located in rugged and remote terrain.

And then he said he loves me again plus a whole bunch of other stupid stuff.

I think that I'm enabling this non-love affair to continue because I'm really lonely for Gabriella and that Cheshire Tom cat is safely 400 miles away, so that I can have a love affair that I make up myself as I go along and which is very useful - my emotional bank account is overdrawn at the moment and I can't be kiting any bad checks or even taking the chance that I might. I've discovered that the payback is always a bitch.

Hey! Thanks for all your replies to a member who hasn't been showing up much. You guys even made me laugh with your various scenarios! And that beats feeling ever so sorry for myself.
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Old 07-08-2018, 06:50 PM   #10
fargon
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That's what we're here for.
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Old 07-08-2018, 07:50 PM   #11
xoxoxoBruce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountain Mule View Post
I can have a love affair that I make up myself as I go along and which is very useful - my emotional bank account is overdrawn at the moment and I can't be kiting any bad checks or even taking the chance that I might. I've discovered that the payback is always a bitch.
If you continue the game then slam the door he'll just say, oh well and work on one of his other prospects. But even though you're playing a role you're going to be hurt. yes you will, even if it's just over losing the chance to play the game.

Hurts you once, shame on him, hurts you twice, shame on you.
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Old 07-08-2018, 08:19 PM   #12
Mountain Mule
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
If you continue the game then slam the door he'll just say, oh well and work on one of his other prospects. But even though you're playing a role you're going to be hurt. yes you will, even if it's just over losing the chance to play the game.

Hurts you once, shame on him, hurts you twice, shame on you.
Ah, yes. Sounds like the voice of maturity and experience. Dammit!

But you hit the nail on the head. That subtext is what's eating my lunch. I know that I can (and to be honest) have hurt him in my turn. This makes me feel like I'm no better than him and maybe we deserve one another. I hope not. Otherwise me and my cold. cold heart might as well be done with it and go join ICE. I could make a career of ripping 3 year-olds from their Mothers' arms and give the men around here a break.
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Old 07-08-2018, 08:25 PM   #13
xoxoxoBruce
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Yeah, you sound like a very desirable woman with enough smarts to be fair and nice but enough spirit to be fun.
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Old 07-08-2018, 09:59 PM   #14
BigV
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No. No. No. No. No

Stop.


Do not engage. (or get engaged ffs).

*I* like being wanted and desired and sought. Probably you do too.

If you do, this guy is *NOT* for you. Please consider this a very good opportunity to avoid a fuck ton of bullshit and heartache.

Channel your inner Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
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Old 07-09-2018, 08:21 AM   #15
Griff
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stalking is bad. mmmm...kay
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