Liver and Cherry

[Sundae]

Thank you all for your support. It really means a lot to me.

Those of you who have my contact numbers probably won't be able to use tem to get hold of me short-term while I make decisions and try to come to terms with all this. Please don't picture me in any danger if my phone is off or unanswered, or worry unduly.

I'm once again trying to start from scratch by being honest and not papering over the cracks. Who knows, they might even be able to fix me this time
So I'm reaching out to professionals, not making any desperate gestures. I promise if I feel in genuine danger of self harm I will go to A&E.

In the mean time I might or might not talk about everything here.
My mood swings from abject terror and horror at the effort of simply living, to feeling I can deal with things to wanting a little giggle. This is not simply a case of depression - of course not, you know I have to be special. It's at least a dual diagnosis, which is why the initial suggestion is to suggest I should be under supervision for such a long time.

I promise to make you aware if I am able to take this route and how and where my best point of contact is.

[limey]

My dear Sundae, let me add my voice to those saying you are most definitely NOT letting me, or anyone down. I can only imagine how overwhelming this must seem to you, but please be assured you will always have my continued support and friendship. XXX


Sent by thought transference

[Big Sarge]

Just take care of yourself. PLEASE!!! If all goes as planned, I will see you next year at the place I mentioned in the email. We both can get jobs there. It wouldn't be as nice as life on the bank of the old sewage lagoon, but we'd have fun.

[Undertoad]

Echoes to especially the

PLEASE!!!

Take care. You will have pride in it tomorrow.

[Carruthers]

Count me in to all of the above good wishes.

If you haven't already read your PMs, one awaits you.

BTW I posted the John Betjeman DVD this afternoon. With a bit of luck should be with you tomorrow.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Wish I knew how that felt...

Just saw this. *hugs* I don't know the tale, but it sounds a sad one.

[orthodoc]

Sundae, please do what's best and right for you. And be secure in the knowledge that everyone who loves you and cares about you is right with you, not let down or disappointed.

Your parents have always been right there with you, and that means they're on for the voyage. As are we here.

Sending you good wishes and strength. There are many tomorrows to enjoy.

[limey]

I've been asked by Cherry to say " to say my laptop is down. 100% true." So please do not worry about her current silence.

[sexobon]

At least that's better than "The cat ate my posts."

[DanaC]

Cherry came to my place yesterday and spent a few hours with me and Carrot Went to the park with Ma and Nellie too. had a lovely time - and then went for lunch at a nearby inn.

She took loooooaaaads of photos but wasn't able to get her laptop working when she got back - she'll post them when she can.

[Lola Bunny]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Cherry came to my place yesterday and spent a few hours with me and Carrot Went to the park with Ma and Nellie too. had a lovely time - and then went for lunch at a nearby inn.

She took loooooaaaads of photos but wasn't able to get her laptop working when she got back - she'll post them when she can.

[xoxoxoBruce]

AhHa, the dogs! Coming home with dogs smells on her, caused her evil roommate to retaliate against her laptop.

[Sundae]

Just an update to let you know I am still alive and still waiting for admission.
It's two weeks tomorrow since the official paperwork went through and have heard nothing yet. I'm in a holding pattern and hating it.

I'm in touch with Limey and DanaC and I do drop by here to read.
Sorry to other people I am genuinely close to, I just can't face saying the same thing over and over, and I don't always have the opportunity to express here how I am feeling.

I can only do so when I'm out, which means it's a good day. Then I compose posts which are bright and breezy, but don't fully reflect my life.
Or I try to describe my life in its various aspects and that brings the clouds down on a day I'd felt capable of brushing my teeth.
So my attempts are usually deleted.

My jaundice is on and off, but there's no point in going back to hospital; I know why and once the hospital did they patched me up and released me into the wild last time.

So it's better to stay at home and watch the post and hope my admission date comes through.
And wait for various appointments with benefits agencies to come through for me to take buses I can't afford.
And listen to Diz's wheezy breathing and know he'd be better off with someone other than me, even though in a cat way he loves the very bones of me. And has done for eight years. We've been the only given in eachother's lives that long...

Raining here today. Well it is Otley. Wish I could share the photos I have with you.
Do whatever you deem likely to bring me luck, whatever that means, to get me into treatment soon. I'm at peace right now, but if you ask the girls on the quiet they know that The Horrors don't lie far under the surface. And a word about them. Two very different people, two very different approaches. Two very caring and beautiful people.

Better go now. Have pigeon poo on me, and a fat cat at home waiting for dinner.
Hmmmm, may stick it out another half hour before filling his catgut.

[glatt]

Thank you for posting Sundae. I was wondering how you were doing.

I hope things start happening for you soon.

[Carruthers]

Thanks for posting, Sundae.

Best wishes,

N.