Do guys really care about a girls sexual history?

[sully58]

Thanks for the thoughts, I had trouble with this in one relationship and couldn't figure out what to do exactly. Luckily, I didn't HAVE to find out because the relationship ended on other terms that had nothing to do with STD's or anything of the sort.

So what I'm hearing people say is that if it's something extreme like AIDS or HIV, that would alter the relationship, but for the most part, if it's an STD, and the relationship is honest and good, you'd stick around? I'd hope so if the feelings are there. That was one thing that he was worried about, worried about not being able to find anyone because of this virus. I've read several articles and statistics before...and you'd be AMAZED about the percentage of people, even college aged students, that have these diseases. About 2/3 of all college students have this. Amazing isn't it?

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by dar512

Now there's a great way to start a relationship.

My feeling is this: You're obsessed with the number of men/women I've slept with? Go fuck yourself.

Just my feeling on the matter.

[dar512]

Then tell the guy to go fuck himself. At least you're being honest. Don't lie to him.

My comment was about the lying not about whether the number of partners is important. Lying is a surefire way to torpedo a relationship.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Brianna

My feeling is this: You're obsessed with the number of men/women I've slept with? Go fuck yourself.

Just my feeling on the matter.

Could I just hear about the women?

[Kagen4o4]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Could I just hear about the women?

and see the pictures?

[P-Man]

Funny, I've actually had quite a problem with this for the past two months. I was dating this wonderful girl for about two years. Initially, she told me she had slept with 13 guys previous (we're both 23 for the record). My feelings were, sheesh that's a lot of people, but I didn't say anything to her. I didn't want to make her feel bad or act like a judgemental prick. I was actually impressed that she was able to be honest with me about it.

Unfortunately, I found out about two months ago that she's actually been with 23 different people. YIKES! I discovered the lie when I found out that she had slept with one of my roommates good friends a few years back. It brought out the worst in me and I started quizing her on the subject and watched in horror as her number went from 13 to 15, 16, 18, 20 and finally 23.

My opinion on sexual history is this. It is history, but it if you love someone there shouldn't be lies. I wouldn't have liked hearing 23 early on, just as I didn't like hearing about 13. However, I initially loved that she was so honest. In the end, I broke up with her not because of her promiscuous past, but because the lie seriously fractured my ability to trust her. The lesson here, if you're not comfortable discussing sexualy history say, "I want to start with a clean slate and I don't think this is relevant to our relationship."
Say anything, but don't lie. My ex lied about it at least 7 times. She didn't understand that the number isn't what mattered, I just wanted to hear the truth.

[zippyt]

the truth is ALL ways best , the lies will fall apart eventualy ( spellin )

[lookout123]

Pman - your best response at finally hearing the magical number 23 would have been, "ok, now we've covered your family... how many non-family members have you been with."
then again, i'm not exactly the relationship guru these days.

[sully58]

pman-wow...I'm really impressed. That reflects on so much of your character. Compliments to whoever raised you and taught you well. Your value of honesty and integrity are high, which is rare to find in this day. I think we need more people like that, especially since this is what society has to deal with now. If more people were open and honest, forgiving and accepting, I think things would be a heck of a lot different. She would have been so lucky to have someone like you in her life, but because of her choices, it costed her. Thanks for the story..it's given hope to those of us who haven't met anyone like that before!

[Aliantha]

I never really kept count of my sexual partners but one day the girls and I were having drinks and it came up as a topic of conversation. We all ended up sitting around counting out the different blokes we'd been with and we were all amazed to realize that we'd all been with far more men than we'd have said if asked the question and the answer had been expected on the spot. I know I for one was reminded of one or two who I'd 'forgotten' about for one reason or another.

I would say that I've had a fairly colourful past as far as sexual partners is concerned, but I don't think it's really anyone's business but my own. If someone asked me how many men I'd been with - and it has been asked before by men I'm no longer with - I'd say, enough to know how to please you, but not enough to know how to please your father.

It's true though that women who have had multiple partners are viewed differently than men with the same figures. But the people that matter don't judge you for it, and that's the important thing. If someone can't accept you for who you are and where you've been, then they're not worth having anyway.

If you get into the conversation, you need to tell the truth... If you don't plan on telling to truth you need to say so. "None of your business" or "I don't want to say/talk about it". If you lie, you get what you deserve when it comes out.

[P-Man]

I'm not a fan of promiscuous behavior for men or women. However, I know there's a double standard and that's not cool. I'll just say this -there are some reasons for that double standard. In general, women have far more opportunities for sex. By nature, men are usually the pursuer when it comes to sex (notice I said usually, there are definitely exceptions to the rule).

With that being said, men (at least those looking for a relationship and not a one night stand) prefer those ladies that show some restraint when it comes to sex. We know that most women could go out every night and find a willing guy to do the nasty with (that's a scientific term). As crass and unfair as it is, most guys I know tend to separate women into two categories: those you take home to see Mom, and those you take home for the night.

When it comes to a long-term relationship, men want to be with those women that have shared their bodies with only a few deserving people. It makes us feel like we're getting something special. Is it stupid? Maybe. Egotistical and unfair? Probably. But that's the way it is. When it comes to serious relationships, men will always prefer women that have been more selective over those women with a more promiscuous past.

[zippyt]

Ahh , but experence RULES !!! on both sides !!!
" No I don't like to do that , BUT I do like to do this !!! "

[Aliantha]

P-Man...I don't think it's fair of you to suggest that 'men will always prefer women that have been more selective over those women with a more promiscuous past'. For one thing, I don't think you can speak for all men. That implies that you think your moral views are superior to others. For another thing, I know for a fact that your statement is not true.

[Undertoad]

Definitely not true.

I wouldn't get too pissed off at a woman who threw me a white lie on her number, early in the relationship. To do so, is admitting there is a double standard, then almost arbitrarily punishing the woman for living according to it.

The point at which the double standard doesn't apply and honesty is the rule, is the point at which I make clear, as a man, that I don't work by this double standard, and don't care if the number is 3 or 30 or 300 because the past is the past. If she still lies at that point, there is a problem in the relationship.