Discipline of the Boobie Variety

[Pooka]

Ok Cellar mamas and papas… those of you who are or have breastfed your little munchkins… hopefully you can help. And I need help soon or it will be the professional variety I’ll be seeking.

I need our 14 month old to do the following:
Sleep through the night in his own bed in the kid’s room (Morgi our 2 year old and Flintsy share a room at present)
Eat people food and drink people drinks… ween from the boob ASAP
Be ok shopping and staying seated in the cart regardless who is pushing
Be happy to be held by others even if I’m in the room
Quit being such a damn winy butt head. (He literally butts his head against me wining to get his way)


Flintsy, our son, is a boobie baby through and through. His love affair with the boobie began early on… he would never take a bottle even with breast milk. This as you can imagine, made it impossible for me to leave him with people. Fortunately, he is beginning to take a few sips here and there from sippy cups, but not really drinking much. He won’t accept a sippy cup if he is really thirsty… only boobie. If he is hurt or upset… only boobie fixes it. I’m a damn human pacifier. I realize that is in so many ways my fault and I’m not looking for finger pointing, just solutions going forward.

Flintsy has never really eaten food despite many daily attempts from the time he was about 6 months old. He never would eat baby food… not homemade or store bought. Around 10 months he began to accept some finger foods if you allowed him to self feed, but even to this day at 14 months he only snacks... he won't eat enough to "fill up". It is as though he is “saving room” for boobie. He literally chases me around demanding milk.

He screams as if he is being murdered if I'm around and someone else is holding him and he can see me or if we are shopping and he is in the cart instead of my arms... and he practically leaps out of their lap or the cart twisting out of the lap belt and tries to scratch my shirt off to get at the boob.

At night he wakes every 1-2 hours and screams so loud he can be heard from the front yard. He won't settle back to sleep without being nursed. No matter what I've tried. And I’ve tried:
Rocking him,
just putting him back in the bed over and over with no attention,
giving him a sippy cup,
a lovie,
giving him teething tablets and Tylenol... benadryl actually hypes him up,
on weekends my husband (FLINT) has tried responding to him but the anger just escalates,
we’ve tried driving around (which clearly I'm not going to do every hour)

Keep in mind... he sleeps in the same room as Morgi, so I really can't (and wouldn't even if he wasn't sharing with sister) be able to let him cry it out... even with me trying to sooth him without nursing he just screams endlessly until I give him the boob. One night our joint effort to get him back to bed without nursing literally went on 6 hours. Papa Flint has to be up at 5 am and drives an hour with non stop driving at about 80 miles an hour to be at his work by 7:30 am and as a result needs to sleep and needs our son to be quieted by me... there is nowhere to go in the house where the screaming can't be heard. I can't ask Flint to sleep somewhere else and I can't ask for his help at night. So the catch is… I need to be able to resolve this myself without help from others. The only thing that keeps him some what satisfied would be to let him sleep with us and nurse when he wants, but even then he screams in his sleep sometimes and pushes us out of bed because he is hot.

I am at my wits end… and need suggestions (NOT JUDGEMENT… I am perfectly capable of beating myself up over all this and believe me I do constantly) on what I could try to get him to sleep through the night in his own bed and ween him. I’ve considered building a rabbit hutch in the back yard, but apparently the authorities frown on that… I’m kidding, but seriously you can no doubt feel my level of aggrivation. HE is literally driving me insane. As sweet as the night time snuggling is I'm developing a love hate relationship and that just makes my heart hurt. I find myself snapping and yelling at everyone more and more because I’m so frustrated, sleep deprived and sore. Surely running away or taking a bottle of sleeping pills isn’t the only solution (again… I’m kidding, but…). He is a super cute, funny little guy and has been my favorite person in the world these 14 months, but for his sake and my sake and well... the whole family's sake ... his dietary requirements, night time rituals and discipline needs to be handled more effectively than I’ve handled him to date apparently.

[footfootfoot]

Well, one thing I would say might help you come up with a specific-to-your-needs solution is to get into his way of seeing the world a little bit more. I found Penelope Leach's books immensely helpful in getting me to see the world from an infant's perspective. Once you understand where they are coming from it makes it a lot easier for you to develop relevant strategies.

What worked for us won't necessarily work for you. We co-slept so the Dowas were always there, my wife nursed on demand with both kids and we noticed that if they even get a hint of un-availability of the Dowas it can send them into panic, real panic, that there might be a "run on the bank" so to speak. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." and "Familiarity breeds contempt."

Not likely that he'd hold them in contempt, but I bet he'll relax if he feels they are always there whenever he wants them for as long as he wants them and he is smart enough to know when you are trying to fob off some substitute.

We did have some success when the Inch was begining weaning at about 3 I think with a cup of warm milk to which I added some vanilla, a dash of molasses and a spoon of maple syrup. It hit the spot and he was pretty happy.

I think the key to remember is: kids aren't convenient, generally speaking, and it helps your sanity to try to see the world from their perspective as much as possible. (Though I did lull the inch to sleep with the following subliminal suggestions when he was an infant: "Convenient babies are nine times more likely to survive than inconvenient babies. Inconvient babies are nine times more likey to be left in snow drifts than convenient babies." Until my wife made me stop.

I cannot recommend Penelope Leach's books highly enough. And in rereading your post I might consult his pediatrician.

[jinx]

I'm probably gonna come off like a boob nazi, and definitely not tell you what you want to here.... but...
Babies have needs. If their needs aren't met they don't just go away. It seems like forever now, but it really is such a short time... 14 mos is young to wean, especially if he's not into it at all. The more you push him away the more clingy and frightened he's going to become.
Sleep/nurse with him in one bed, let Flint get the sleep he needs in another. Wean the baby when he's more ready.

[footfootfoot]

"Their wants are their needs"

[Pooka]

The problem is he wants to eat every 2 hours at minimum... and I can't take it... he seems to think he needs a boob in his mouth to sleep... that isn't normal or healthy. He needs more food. If he was nursing an appropriate amount for a 14 month old I'd be fine with it... but he isn't and he is unable to fall asleep without me. The pedi didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with him... suggested he be allowed to fall asleep on his own.... which is fine except he doesn't.

[glatt]

With our kids, the baby food like rice cereal is what my wife would use to fill them up before bed time so they could sleep through the night. At that age, anyway.

I know you said he won't eat baby food, but maybe you could try the rice cereal, prepared with a little breast milk?

It's my only idea. Basically, you need to fill that tummy before bed time.

[footfootfoot]

Srsly, go get Penelope Leach's book,
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Baby-Chil.../dp/0375700005

Read it. I guarantee you will love it. If not, I promise I'll never post a picture of my boobs on teh celalr.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by Pooka

that isn't normal or healthy. ... nursing an appropriate amount for a 14 month old ... The pedi didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with him...

Do you think there's something wrong with him?
Honestly I don't think anything sounds wrong with what he's doing. My daughter didn't have anything but breast milk until she was 11 mos... she def wasn't eating much at 14 mos. My sisters twins are the same age and still up nursing all night, the boy more than the girl...
When you nurse at night do you get up/sit up/turn on the lights etc... or do you just roll into place and sleep thru it?

What/how often does he eat during the day?

[Sundae]

I can't offer any advice except to say - don't be too hard on yourself Pooka.
At least Dwellars here can help you put it in perspective, it sounds like other people have been leading you to believe you have done something wrong when you haven't.

Good luck.

[Pooka]

The Pedi said he is basically using me as a pacifier... I am his lovie essentially. She said there is nothing I can do to make him eat... he will eat when he is ready , but that at a year breast milk will not be enough... and that he should not be nursing more than every 5- 6 hours. He has associated nursing with sleep and as a result when he wakes as we all do periodically throughout the night he think he needs to nurse to go back to sleep.

During the day I feed breakfast with whole milk, a mid morning snack with watered down juice, lunch, a mid afternoon snack, and dinner we all eat when Papa gets home. He picks a little at everything. Honestly though our girl doesn't eat much more, but she does drink alot. She weaned herself at 15 months. I've started just putting a few pieces on his plate because it was suggested that he might be overwhelmed by the amount the Pedi thinks he should eat... but he doesn't even eat the smaller portion. I would take him two days to drink 4 oz of anything. The Pedi said her son was the same way and that if I wait to nurse him until after he has been offered food he is more likely to eat more. Everyone in the family thinks I should just quit nursing him like today... but that seems unreasonable. I am pretty ready to be done with it though... when I just got his mouth off my left boob there were teeth indentions from him holding on and gnawing ... thus the sore boobies.

At night I've usually put him in his bed and when he woke up sat in the dark in the glider and nursed while rocking and repeated this until around 3 am when I just cave and bring him back to bed.

He did sleep with us until Flint blew up about it and I realized that my husband needed me too...

The irritating part of this is that Flintsy was sleeping through the night in his bed better than he ever did in ours as recently as December, but we all got nasty respi viruses and then tummy bugs and coming out of all that we have our present situation. Prior to that he was ok with other folks... he has always hated shopping though.

I don't have much family help at the moment. My mother lives in Houston and the only available party in Flint's family is unavailable after dark... she will absolutely not watch the kids at night.

I will look into that book … thank you for the suggestion... you are welcome to post boob pics if you want though…. I did… tee hehe

[Flint]

To clarify: I didn't want him to develop the habit of sleeping 6 inches away from mama because I thought...well, that this is exactly what would happen. That it would be even more difficult to get him sleeping in his own bed, the longer we waited. Or, conversely, he might never learn to sleep on his own and be one of those kids that sleeps with their parents until they are 10-15 years old.

Our daughter, by comparison, never could sleep well in our bed, or even in the same room, and although there were difficult times when we had to settle her multiple times, she never had this thought that her goal was to wear you down until you just brought her back to bed with you. Our son, he expects that, because that is, in his experience thus far, the way things should be done.

I also feel like I should somehow be able to contribute more in this endeavor, but I literally fall asleep at the wheel multiple times every morning (during my hour-long drive down rural highways) and snap back to attention when I hit the bumps on the side of the road. Luckily for me, there is a center median, or I would probably have drifted headfirst into an 18-wheeler by now. And that really doesn't help the family.

[Pooka]

Honey... I know that... and I'm not at all saying you should be doing more... you DO need to sleep... and the family loosing you to a car accident would be far far far worse than the challange we are faced with now.

Unless of course you can have multiple days off in a row... or work from home or go in late....

[Flint]

I'm explaining to the people that don't live with us.

[glatt]

we're not judging either of you.

[Juniper]

Ditto the advice to just keep on keepin' on. I nursed my son till he was 2 1/2, and there were indeed days he wanted it every 2 hours. One day he and I just had a little talk and I said that this might be a good time to quit. He agreed, and that was that.

He never took a bottle. Never. Did drink from a cup around 15 months or so. Slept with us, or one of us. We had a very casual attitude about sleep. I don't see what the big deal is, personally. Why does it matter where you sleep, as long as you sleep? We'd sleep all over the house. Son in bed with me, hubby in bed with then-4-5 year old daughter, or on the couch, or wherever. My daughter when she was a baby went through a phase when she could only sleep laying on top of one of us on the couch!

Then we transitioned to having mom or dad lay down with them in bed till they fell asleep, then leaving. By the time they were 7 or so, bedtime was a pretty normal sleep-in-own-bed bedtime.

YMMV, but I just didn't think this was a battle worth fighting. Bedtime isn't the only time for giving your spouse some attention.