Apartment costs

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Personally I'd advise you to shell out as little as possible and prepare for her to come back. Then when she does, set very specific ground rules, more chores, find a better job and all that. And set a deadline. Then help with a slightly better place.

This is definitely our general philosophy. The difficulties are:

1.) Our house is a well-oiled machine, so any chores set aside for her are a deliberate wrench (spanner) thrown in our works. She was doing the dishes every night in the beginning, but now her job is an evening/night shift, and it is not feasible for me to leave them for her to do in the morning because I need them already clean by 5:45 when I get up. She can't do them on her own at midnight because her spacial relations skills are so bad that she gets half as many dishes in as I do. She can get dishes for one person done, but not six. She does do her own laundry, and keeps her room tidy-ish. But the truth is we pay someone to come clean the rest of the house, because it's just too much for me, and I can't cancel that just for the sake of her education.

2.) Any threat of deadlines works against us because there is no realistic "kick her out" option--her (emotionally abusive) mother will always take her back, telling her how she knew she'd be a failure from the beginning and she should just remain in her mother's control/care for the rest of her life.

Applying mental health issues is appropriate in her situation, and I am grateful for your perspective. Hers may not be the same, but they are definitely there. I am fully prepared for this year to not be successful (prepared isn't the right word, but half-expecting at least,) but what we've concluded is that for her to live alone actually entails more chores than living with us can realistically offer. It also forces upon her the chore of finding social engagements, since with all the other kids in the house she feels no need to seek out friends. We have shown her how to use meetup.com to find other anime fans with similar mental health issues (hahaha but no seriously they're all fucked up.) Honestly, putting her in her own apartment is kicking her out, given the way our lives work. If she lives with us, we're still paying for it, just in a different way.

[infinite monkey]

That all makes sense. I really hope she finds her way. I think you're doing good things for her, but it must be hard. I think of what my parents did for me. Without them, i would be nowhere. It isn't always easy. Thank FSM for good parents. You are one of those.

[Clodfobble]

She's actually doing well, relatively speaking. I have to keep reminding myself that she's made a ton of progress from where she was six months ago. I'm just burnt out. Teaching her to drive meant sitting in the car with her for 1-2 hours every single day for almost 3 months. (And she's still a completely shit driver, but at least she hasn't had a wreck yet.) Completely-alone time is critical for my own mental health, and with her leaving for work just as the other kids get home from school I've been going slowly insane. Until her social skills improve she is, at her core, an annoying person. But when I have to tell her things like, "You can't use nothing but sound effects to answer the apartment manager's questions," she does take note. So, you know. Baby steps are still steps.

[infinite monkey]

Absolutely.

[monster]

Does she have any hobbies other than anime? If do, when she comes back, the chores could involve finding ways to turn her hobbies into a money-maker then a business. Some people who just cannot get to grips with a regular work setting can sometimes flourish this way.....

[BigV]

I really like this thread.

But I'm on the ferry, participating via phone... Can't contribute much atm.
Keep the faith, the effort is worth it.

[Griff]

Yeah Clod, keep grinding you've done a lot of good.