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Arts & Entertainment Give meaning to your life or distract you from it for a while

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Old 05-29-2006, 09:06 PM   #181
Undertoad
Miserable contrarian
 
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UT wins $20 on a scratch-off ticket. Unfortunately, as he blows away the little silvery ticket scratch boogers, they fall into his morning coffee... and the heat activates the release of their cancer-causing agents, which take up residence in his pancreas.

I wish xoB would win the lottery!
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Old 05-29-2006, 10:27 PM   #182
smoothmoniker
to live and die in LA
 
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He does. The draft lottery.

I wish I could sell this old printer instead of dumping it in my neighbor's backyard.
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Old 05-29-2006, 11:49 PM   #183
Ibby
. . .
 
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Granted, but the buyer turns out to be a mass murderer, who kills you, then takes the printer 'cause mass murderers need to print stuff sometimes too you know.

I wish I could be a simple kinda' man.
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Old 05-30-2006, 12:04 AM   #184
BigV
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ibram
I wish I could be a simple kinda' man.
Ta-Da!

Too bad you don't get to go to the ball.

I wish UG didn't bug me so much.
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Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. -- Marcus Aurelius, philosopher and writer (121-180)
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Old 05-30-2006, 12:14 AM   #185
Skunks
I thought I changed this.
 
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Location: western nowhere, ny
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Irresistibly compelled to agree with his every statement, you soon find that arguing in support of him on the Cellar is no longer satiation enough. Taking to the streets with alliterative picket signs to the tune of:

Urbane Guerrilla
=
Ultra Groovy

and

Urbane
Guerrilla
++ is ++
UR
God


you soon find yourself ridiculed & generally unable to hold down a job, destined for the lonely, malnourished life of a local Jesus-man; one who, alas, does not even have the comradarie of a recognizable religion.

I someone would do the dishes.
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Old 05-30-2006, 12:18 AM   #186
BigV
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For that laugh, *I* will do your dishes!!!

I pass on the wish, I just wanted to thank Skunks for the grins.
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Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. -- Marcus Aurelius, philosopher and writer (121-180)
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Old 05-30-2006, 05:03 AM   #187
Ibby
. . .
 
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I'll take the wish then:

I wish I could afford the ticket back to Suffragette City.
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Old 05-30-2006, 10:09 AM   #188
smoothmoniker
to live and die in LA
 
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In a bizzare twist of events, fuel prices plummet to $2 a barrell, and oil companies have to practically pay you to take the stuff. The resulting domino effect drops the bottom out on prices for all other commodiites, and the economic earning power of the average worker skyrockets. With the new increase in overall earning power, world economies stabilize, conflicts cease, a new era of religious tolerance, international cooperation and genuine compassion spreads across the earth. War-making resources are poured into universal healthcare, education, research, the arts. Swords are beat into plowshares. In short, the world becomes a utopian bliss. Then, the aliens attack.

I wish they knew what ADHD was when I was in school. Man, that would have made things so much ... hey look a fire truck!
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Old 06-01-2006, 04:27 PM   #189
Elspode
I Know I Suck...You Know I Suck...Still Love The Cellar
 
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Location: Raytown, Missouri
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Sadly, you are unable to concentrate even on the approaching firetruck, and you are squished while bending over to pick up a shiny new dime from the pavement.

I wish that my air conditioning was working in my house right now.

Edit: PS - This needs to be moved to Nothingland.
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Old 06-01-2006, 04:40 PM   #190
glatt
 
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My A/C is out too. I've heard from a good half dozen people with the same problem. What the hell!?

Anyway, your A/C is just fine. Unfortunatley the repairman uses ammonia as the refrigerant, and a leak in a few years realeases a small cloud of poison gas that kills you and your family.

I wish I had a million dollars.
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Old 06-01-2006, 11:34 PM   #191
skysidhe
~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~
 
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Granted

A long lost relative bequeaths you a million dollars. There is one stipulation. You must take care of her animals. No problem ,You can deal with an ole cat or dog. When you reach the residence of where the animals are you learn it is in fact an animal shelter. The shelter is in debt for 1,000,001 dollars.
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Old 07-24-2007, 07:36 PM   #192
BigV
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And on that note....

Too bad skysidhe didn't follow the rules, and make a wish of her own for the next poster to "grant" [/evil grin].

Fine. I will wish.

I wish that this hysterically funny thread is resurrected for another long funny run.
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Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. -- Marcus Aurelius, philosopher and writer (121-180)
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Old 07-24-2007, 07:49 PM   #193
Uisge Beatha
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No problem. 'Corrupted Wish' arises from the ashes as if it were a phoenix ..... but, wait! It wasn't ashes, it was a tremendous layer of dust, which fills the Cellar air. Poor BigV launches into an interminable sneezing attack, missing all the ensuing fun in the renewed thread.

I wish I had a new car.
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Old 07-24-2007, 07:59 PM   #194
bluecuracao
in a mood, not cupcake
 
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You've won...A Brand New Car! as a lucky contestant on the Price is Right. Now you have to pay prize tax.

I wish I was wearing my pajamas right now.
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Old 07-24-2007, 08:05 PM   #195
DucksNuts
Bitchy Little Brat
 
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Wish Granted.....youre wearing pjs

....but they are 4 sizes too small and your place of work is 360 degrees of glass.
You are being gorked at by passersby, who are....well....amazed by your fantastic taste in Peter Alexander jammies, but perturbed by your camel toe

I wish I didnt have a headache.
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