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Arts & Entertainment Give meaning to your life or distract you from it for a while

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Old 07-24-2007, 08:18 PM   #196
Uisge Beatha
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Pooof! The magic hits you and whisks that pain away. You turn to your partner with a smile on your face, but quickly lose the smile as you find yourself in bed with....me! (Not such a bloody goody goody anymore, eh?)

I wish I had a good accountant who knew his way around tax laws.
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Old 07-24-2007, 08:46 PM   #197
DucksNuts
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psssst....did you bring the zuke????
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Old 07-24-2007, 08:51 PM   #198
Uisge Beatha
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The zuke? Of course! I may be cruel, but I'm not stupid.
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Old 07-24-2007, 08:53 PM   #199
bluecuracao
in a mood, not cupcake
 
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UB's accountant sure did, so to speak. And now you two are both broke-ass mofos.

I wish the work would do itself.
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Old 07-24-2007, 09:09 PM   #200
BigV
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Your wish is granted.

The work, literally, does itself! Mary Poppins herself would pop a vessel straining with incredulity as the messes spontaneously cleaned themselves, as the broken things mended themselves as if in a film run backwards, mistakes are corrected and sins of commission and omission are forgiven and fulfilled. Eventually, there *is* no more work to be done. Your joy at this windfall of leisure time transforms to boredom with daytime tv, then 24 hour tv. Boredom decays into ennui with nothing to do, since everything is already as good as it can be. Ennui morphs into hunger since you're not getting paid for your good looks (shame, really). Hunger into malnourishment, malnourishment into starvation, starvation into death, as we all must die. But at least you had plenteous free time to enjoy the ride.

I wish I was better at setting reasonable boundaries.
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Old 07-25-2007, 06:09 AM   #201
Griff
still says videotape
 
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You are now a professional surveyor. Nicely done! Your personal life, however, remains a shambles.

I wish Aife the dog was not so dull witted.
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:49 AM   #202
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
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Aife is now the smartest dog on earth. He begins to talk,and is soon cast in movies and grosses 15 million per. However, he starts hanging out with Lindsay and Paris and spends much of his time in prison.

I wish I had money.
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:59 AM   #203
glatt
 
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You're filthy rich. Bill Gates is a pauper compared to you. You are so rich, that everyone you know and love is kidnapped one by one as ransoms are demanded from you. Even though you pay the ransoms, your loved ones are slaughtered. Can't have any witnesses, can we?


I wish I could play guitar and sing well.
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Old 07-25-2007, 12:00 PM   #204
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
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Old 07-25-2007, 12:16 PM   #205
Uisge Beatha
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Amazing! glatt is suddenly hailed the world over as the finest guitarist and vocalist ever. Unfortunately, a secret society of jealous musicians has all of his fingers broken and has his vocal cords surgically adjusted to produce only a squeeking noise.

I wish I didn't have to work right now.
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Old 07-25-2007, 12:42 PM   #206
Bullitt
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You don't!! Because of a freak run accident on an ostrich farm, you are now reduced to a head in a jar a la Futurama




I wish wasn't so ADHD
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Old 07-25-2007, 12:53 PM   #207
Elspode
I Know I Suck...You Know I Suck...Still Love The Cellar
 
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Phizer invents a new miracle drug which renders you no longer ADHD...but instead, a hopelessly obsessive, anal-retentive detail monger, unable to stop fretting over even the tiniest thing in your...hey, look! A bird!

I wish I could stop complicating my life.
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Old 07-25-2007, 03:02 PM   #208
Uisge Beatha
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Aaaaahh, life is good. It is happy and definitley simple; there are no complications of any sort. Yes, effortless is the rule. In fact, it is very easy now, so much so that life is getting boring. The truth of the matter is, the sheer mind-numbing dullness makes it difficult to go on. That begins to complicate things, but the anti-complication effect kicks in again. The cycle goes on and on with eternal tedium.

I wish I could speak a foreign language.
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Old 07-25-2007, 03:51 PM   #209
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
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[Not part of the main thrust of this thread] That's so frikking freaky Bullit! I read Uisge's post earlier and was gonna post something like 'you don't have to work ever again because you've been preserved as a head in a jar futurama-style' but had to buzz off cause mom called and said she was outside in the car waiting for me. Well freaky. [/Not part of the main thrust of this thread]


Uisge you are now completely fluent in Latin. I'd say the twist there is fairly obvious.



I wish I was ten years younger.
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Old 07-25-2007, 03:52 PM   #210
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
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Poof. You can speak a foreign language but it's Icelandic and the only person you can have a conversation with is Bjork.

(See how I did this without killing off anyone's family and friends?)

I wish those days could come back for more.
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