7 Chinese poems, critique welcome

[noodles]

Hello,

Following are my translations of 7 classical chinese poems (i noodled on

them). But i'm not a native speaker of english, and have never created any

creditable english poems. I'd appreciate it if u could share your opinions

with me. All criticisms are welcome. Thank u.



Poem One
Visiting Monk Guang Xuan at the Red Tower but Not Finding Him
By Li Yi

Persimmon leaves flapping,
red with frost and autumn.

Against a liquid blue sky
silhouette of the red tower.

Bamboos framed in the window,
lovely and alone.

Why not send to ask the neighbor
for the key!

Poem Two
A Song of the Southern River
By Li Yi

Since I was married
to a merchant of Qutang,

He has each day stayed out
longer than my expectation.

Had I known sooner
the tides are regular

I might have married
a wave rider.


Poem Three
Staying at the Luos’ Pavillion and Thinking of Friends
By Li Shangyin

Bamboo groove and waterside railings
dustless and clean.

My longings wander afar
over towns and towns.

Autumn gloom will not lift,
and frost flies into the night,

Leaving the withered lotus listening
to the sound of rain.


Poem Four
The Wandering Oriole
By Li Shangyin

The oriole wanders,
your wings flapping and flapping,

To whatever fields and streams
you happen to find.

How is it possible that you warble
not what you means

A fine day may not be
the right time.

From windy dawn to dewy dusk,
whether it rains or shines,

And when a thousand doors open and close,
you sing!

I once could not bear to listen,
lamenting the passing of spring.

Where is there in the City of Phoenix
a flowered perch?


Poem Five
Seeing Shen Zifu off to the East of Changjiang River
By Wang Wei

In the ferry of willows,
travelers are scarce.

The fisherman plies his oars
toward the winding shore.

Only the thoughts of you,
like the colors of spring,

Shall follow you, north and south of the river,
all the way home.


Poem Six
Song of a Painting—Presented to General Cao Ba
By Du Fu

You, General Cao, descendant of Emperor Wu of Wei,
Now live a commoner’s life, plain and humble.
Rival warlords once carved up the country.
The cultural brilliance and style still survive.

You learned calligraphy first from Lady Wei,
Regretting that you are second only to Wang Xizhi.
“Brushwork leaves me unaware that old age is coming;
To me wealth and fame are but floating clouds.”

In the reign of Kaiyuan you were often presented at court,
And many a time granted audience in Southern Scent Hall.
Faces of the heroes were fading in the Gallery of Fame.
And your touches brought back their freshness.

All the wise ministers are now crowned with Jin Xian coronets,
And fierce generals have plumed arrows strapped to the waists.
The Duke of Bao and the Duke of Er, their hair bristles,
Valiant and courageous, as if in the heat of battle.

The late Emperor’s imperial horse, Jade-Flower,
None of the mountain of painters captured his true essence.
One day he was led to the palace gate, below the scarlet steps,
His head held high, inspiring awe and wonder.

At the Emperor’s command you stretched the white silk.
In no time, out of your artful mind and painful attention,
The true dragon was born, from the nine-fold heavens,
Erasing, at one stroke, all earthly horses of ages.

One Jade-Flower hung above the throne, and one by the steps,
They two stood proudly gazing into each other’s eye.
The Emperor, smiling, pressed to offer a reward of gold.
The stablemen and grooms were all sadly amazed.

Your pupil Han Gan has long since learned your art.
He too can paint horses in all their diverse guises.
But Gan pictures only the flesh, not the bone,
And even deprives the legendary Hualiu of its spirit.

You, the General, a fine painter with divine strokes,
Never failed to portray each worthy man.
Now the troubled times have left you wandering,
And sketching from time to time the common passersby.

Frustrated and helpless, you are scorned by commonners.
And none in the world has been so poor as you.
But just look at men of great fame, in all ages,
Distress and misery have haunted them all their life.


Poem Seven
Moon over River Tower
By Li Bai

Jialing River winds her way
into the Winding River Lake.

The moon is the same, and
we are separated from each other.

A night of scenes
slip into the thoughts of you.

The two places, far apart, may rain or shine,
but we never know.

Who could tell when you are at riverbank
thinking of me tonight,

I am at the same time by lakeside
looking right at you.

We talk today together,
only to regret simultaneously

Our past ignorance of passionate friendship.
and we should have exchanged poems earlier.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I think you have to have been there.

[wolf]

I think there are aspects of Classical Chinese Poetry that we Westerners are unable to appreciate.

Actually in quite a few of them the imagery is very strong, and beautiful. But the last couplet just doesn't fit, especially in the first poem. Liked it up to the last line.

In the poem about the Oriole ... should that be The City (or better, the place ) of The Phoenix, meaning the place where the mythical phoenix lives, rather than a city in the Southwestern United States?

In poem two, the regret of the merchant's wife is very clear.

Number seven is also quite sad, talking about the missed opportunities.

Nice work.

[noodles]

thank u wolf and bruce for yr kind attention and comments.