The decline of my father in law - Page 2

glatt · 11-01-2013, 08:59 AM

Yeah, and she's "only" a part time substitute teacher, so she's able to take time off if she needs to. It's only her feelings of dedication to the job and not letting them down when she's agreed to cover for specific teachers that made her want to work those days. She was supposed to work today, but got out of it. So she actually has a lot of flexibility. She has a regular schedule in one school, so they really give her a lot of responsibility and depend on her.

Nirvana · 11-01-2013, 11:13 AM

It's something you hear and probably don't believe when you are younger, If you have your health you have everything' sorry to hear about your FIL Glatt the pain he and your family feel must be unbearable

Lamplighter · 11-01-2013, 11:40 AM

Quote:

He hasn't asked to die. But he's got a DNR. Hmm.
Maybe I should check on that. He had a DNR at the assisted living facility.
I don't know if the hospital knows about the DNR.

His DNR - and Living Will and durable Power of Attorney, if he has them -
should have gone in the ambulance and/or already been on file at the hospital.

But if your wife did not already know of them, it shows the reason
prior discussions with (all) the family are so important.

BigV · 11-01-2013, 02:09 PM

glatt, mrs glatt... I find your situation upsetting, but tha's my problem.

I'm very sorry to hear of your fil's suffering, it seems so hopeless and confusing and scary and painful. Well, more of my own projecting. I'm done with that now.

I wish your fil a speedy recovery, relief from his pain, and comfort and love from everyone around him. I wish for strength for you and mrs glatt and all your fil's family. I wish for clarity and persistence and compassion for his doctors and caregivers.

hugs to you and your family glatt.

chrisinhouston · 11-01-2013, 02:29 PM

Sorry to hear about it Glatt, I've been there and done the tour. Maybe there was a good reason that humans used to not live as long in past ages.

glatt · 11-01-2013, 03:13 PM

I left work early today to come be with my wife at the hospital to help with decisions. They were able to sedate him enough to do the MRI. The surgeon looked at the MRI and called us and emphasized that the surgery was extremely risky. He's supposed to talk to us face to face, but we've been waiting for a few hours. He must be in another surgery. He's clearly trying to steer us away from surgery and toward a brace. So we're just waiting, and they won't let us see FIL.

That's the name of the game. Waiting.

I'm getting a kick out of watching the janitor use this cool machine that mops and dries the floor all at once. He's putting out these caution signs, but the floors don't even get wet.

orthodoc · 11-01-2013, 09:43 PM

If the surgeon is steering your fil away from surgery, I would give his opinion a lot of weight. Sometimes a good outcome is just too unlikely; other times the concern is focused on existing medical conditions that make surgery a very risky proposition. It's possible to assess a person and predict fairly accurately that he/she won't tolerate anesthesia and will be unable to come off the ventilator. In your fil's case, the surgeon appears to be basing his advice on what the MRI shows.

If a brace plus pain meds will make life bearable (if not completely comfortable), it's worth careful consideration. Surgery is painful, rehab is prolonged, and results (with spines) are not guaranteed. That said, it's horrible to watch someone you love in pain. My sympathy and best wishes to all involved.

glatt · 11-02-2013, 05:25 AM

We had a face to face with the surgeon, looking at the MRI. It was a good 15 minute conversation. Lots of pros and cons either way. Both paths are risky.

But we're going with the brace. It's a custom job and will take a week or so to be made. Meanwhile he has to stay flat on his back, even though that's more painful, to immobilize one fracture so it won't get worse.

I'm glad there's a plan in place now, so there's some goal to focus on.

orthodoc · 11-02-2013, 08:32 AM

I'm glad you and mrs glatt had the chance to discuss pros and cons with the surgeon. With a plan you can look toward short- and long-term goals, as you say. Best wishes to you and your family.

DanaC · 11-03-2013, 12:08 PM

Just catching up with this thread:

My sympathies to your FiL and of course you and Mrs griff. Awful to watch a loved one in pain. Amazing how something like that can basically take over the whole family for a while.

Glad you guys got to do some Halloween hanging out. And good luck with the brace plan. Hopefully your FiL will get some decent and relatively pain-free quality of life back.

glatt · 11-18-2013, 10:53 AM

So the update here is that my FiL was promised a discharge from the hospital last Monday, but his blood work wasn't where they wanted it to be. So every day they kept poking him with needles and every other day or so they would do an excruciating CAT scan to see if the diuretics were getting rid of the fluid on his lungs, and things kept improving slowly, but we were not there yet. His spirits kept getting worse by the day when they would say "maybe tomorrow" and then no dice. So finally on Thursday, my wife told the doctor that the discharge had to happen that day because we were close enough and staying in the hospital was torture. And the doctor went along with it. It was a 2.7 week hospital stay.

He's been in a rehab place since Thursday night, with a large back brace he has to wear whenever he gets out of bed. They make him exercise 5 days a week, and I think he stays in bed with the brace off on those other two days. The rehab place is good enough, and he has a private room with a window view of some shrubs and trees that are changing color. Nobody is sticking him with needles or prodding him or making him have CAT scans. It's much more comfortable and quieter. The staff appear to treat the patients well.

When we time our visits to coincide with the pain drugs wearing off, he is 100% there mentally. But if we show up when the pills have kicked in, he's all mumbles and full of negativity. So now we try to time the visits well.

Hopefully he will get strong enough to go back to his assisted living facility. We've got some cautious optimism now, and at least he's out of the hospital. They took care of him there, but every day was an ordeal.

Griff · 11-18-2013, 04:22 PM

Sounds like a good change for him anyway. Good luck man.

orthodoc · 11-18-2013, 05:23 PM

Glad to hear that your fil is in rehab now, glatt. It should be a more positive environment, and he should get more sleep. Nobody can sleep properly in a hospital. I hope he'll regain enough strength and mobility to be able to return to his assisted living residence. Best wishes going forward.

glatt · 11-28-2013, 11:46 AM

So thankful today. Just visited him and he's doing extremely well.

He mentioned that he hasn't needed any pain meds, not even a Tylenol, in a few days. And the last two visits, he's been sitting in a wheelchair when we got there, instead of in bed. And today, he had a little riding up going on down there, so he simply STOOD UP and adjusted his package in front of us. A little awkward to watch, but he stood up without asking for help and did it fairly easily. He's got to wear a big brace, but other than that seems perfectly normal now. It's simply unbelievable how much he has improved.

classicman · 11-29-2013, 11:02 PM

Nice to hear some good news . Hoping things continue to improve .

11-01-2013, 11:13 AM	#17
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	It's something you hear and probably don't believe when you are younger, If you have your health you have everything' sorry to hear about your FIL Glatt the pain he and your family feel must be unbearable __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

11-01-2013, 02:09 PM	#19
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	glatt, mrs glatt... I find your situation upsetting, but tha's my problem. I'm very sorry to hear of your fil's suffering, it seems so hopeless and confusing and scary and painful. Well, more of my own projecting. I'm done with that now. I wish your fil a speedy recovery, relief from his pain, and comfort and love from everyone around him. I wish for strength for you and mrs glatt and all your fil's family. I wish for clarity and persistence and compassion for his doctors and caregivers. hugs to you and your family glatt. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

11-01-2013, 09:43 PM	#22
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	If the surgeon is steering your fil away from surgery, I would give his opinion a lot of weight. Sometimes a good outcome is just too unlikely; other times the concern is focused on existing medical conditions that make surgery a very risky proposition. It's possible to assess a person and predict fairly accurately that he/she won't tolerate anesthesia and will be unable to come off the ventilator. In your fil's case, the surgeon appears to be basing his advice on what the MRI shows. If a brace plus pain meds will make life bearable (if not completely comfortable), it's worth careful consideration. Surgery is painful, rehab is prolonged, and results (with spines) are not guaranteed. That said, it's horrible to watch someone you love in pain. My sympathy and best wishes to all involved. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

11-02-2013, 08:32 AM	#24
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	I'm glad you and mrs glatt had the chance to discuss pros and cons with the surgeon. With a plan you can look toward short- and long-term goals, as you say. Best wishes to you and your family. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

11-18-2013, 04:22 PM	#27
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Sounds like a good change for him anyway. Good luck man. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

11-01-2013, 08:59 AM	#16
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Yeah, and she's "only" a part time substitute teacher, so she's able to take time off if she needs to. It's only her feelings of dedication to the job and not letting them down when she's agreed to cover for specific teachers that made her want to work those days. She was supposed to work today, but got out of it. So she actually has a lot of flexibility. She has a regular schedule in one school, so they really give her a lot of responsibility and depend on her.

11-01-2013, 02:29 PM	#20
chrisinhouston Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Houston TX Posts: 1,857	Sorry to hear about it Glatt, I've been there and done the tour. Maybe there was a good reason that humans used to not live as long in past ages.

11-01-2013, 03:13 PM	#21
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I left work early today to come be with my wife at the hospital to help with decisions. They were able to sedate him enough to do the MRI. The surgeon looked at the MRI and called us and emphasized that the surgery was extremely risky. He's supposed to talk to us face to face, but we've been waiting for a few hours. He must be in another surgery. He's clearly trying to steer us away from surgery and toward a brace. So we're just waiting, and they won't let us see FIL. That's the name of the game. Waiting. I'm getting a kick out of watching the janitor use this cool machine that mops and dries the floor all at once. He's putting out these caution signs, but the floors don't even get wet.

11-02-2013, 05:25 AM	#23
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	We had a face to face with the surgeon, looking at the MRI. It was a good 15 minute conversation. Lots of pros and cons either way. Both paths are risky. But we're going with the brace. It's a custom job and will take a week or so to be made. Meanwhile he has to stay flat on his back, even though that's more painful, to immobilize one fracture so it won't get worse. I'm glad there's a plan in place now, so there's some goal to focus on.

11-18-2013, 10:53 AM	#26
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	So the update here is that my FiL was promised a discharge from the hospital last Monday, but his blood work wasn't where they wanted it to be. So every day they kept poking him with needles and every other day or so they would do an excruciating CAT scan to see if the diuretics were getting rid of the fluid on his lungs, and things kept improving slowly, but we were not there yet. His spirits kept getting worse by the day when they would say "maybe tomorrow" and then no dice. So finally on Thursday, my wife told the doctor that the discharge had to happen that day because we were close enough and staying in the hospital was torture. And the doctor went along with it. It was a 2.7 week hospital stay. He's been in a rehab place since Thursday night, with a large back brace he has to wear whenever he gets out of bed. They make him exercise 5 days a week, and I think he stays in bed with the brace off on those other two days. The rehab place is good enough, and he has a private room with a window view of some shrubs and trees that are changing color. Nobody is sticking him with needles or prodding him or making him have CAT scans. It's much more comfortable and quieter. The staff appear to treat the patients well. When we time our visits to coincide with the pain drugs wearing off, he is 100% there mentally. But if we show up when the pills have kicked in, he's all mumbles and full of negativity. So now we try to time the visits well. Hopefully he will get strong enough to go back to his assisted living facility. We've got some cautious optimism now, and at least he's out of the hospital. They took care of him there, but every day was an ordeal.

11-18-2013, 05:23 PM	#28
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Glad to hear that your fil is in rehab now, glatt. It should be a more positive environment, and he should get more sleep. Nobody can sleep properly in a hospital. I hope he'll regain enough strength and mobility to be able to return to his assisted living residence. Best wishes going forward. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

11-28-2013, 11:46 AM	#29
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	So thankful today. Just visited him and he's doing extremely well. He mentioned that he hasn't needed any pain meds, not even a Tylenol, in a few days. And the last two visits, he's been sitting in a wheelchair when we got there, instead of in bed. And today, he had a little riding up going on down there, so he simply STOOD UP and adjusted his package in front of us. A little awkward to watch, but he stood up without asking for help and did it fairly easily. He's got to wear a big brace, but other than that seems perfectly normal now. It's simply unbelievable how much he has improved.

11-29-2013, 11:02 PM	#30
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Nice to hear some good news . Hoping things continue to improve . __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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