My Movie...

[Sundae]

Nope, not a plug, I don't have a movie.
Although surely they'll make a film of my life one day...?

Just a guide to the way films should be made. By me.
Not technically wish fulfillment - JB is not auditioning for it with his top off for example.

Something like this:

Is no more than 90 minutes. And no trick endings. People need to be able to get out and get to the loo after drinking jumbo sized Diet Cokes.

Has very loud opening credits, so all the tweens and teens chatting realise the film has started and stop talking.

Features an actor (male or female) considered to be past-it but in fact they're amazing and it's only the youth-obsessed film industry that has passed them over.

Is definitely set in the British Isles. Without being "gritty". Therefore contains some really self-indulgent and sly references to British TV and/ or culture.

Probably features magic. Or at least something unexplained. Or something ambivilant enough to spark discussion on the way home.

Has at least one song penned by Tim/ Neil Finn in it. Preferably from their Split Enz days.

Makes people cry 2/3 of the way through, so they can recover before the end.

Works in at least one reference to Gaiman's The Sandman. As an homage. Or the extreme of geekiness.

Doesn't necessarily end happily.
But not completely sadly. At least not in the way that it wounds people for days (unlike Manon des Sources or Muriel's Wedding!)

Will NOT imply that love at first sight is real love. Will NOT promote the idea that pretty young women can change ugly old men and WILL take into account the age of the actors rather than pairing different genders up with the equivilant of their parents or grandparents.

On the other hand, will show love weathering the storms of everyday life. Even if it turns out to be a horror or a fantasy flick. Only long term relationships will be deemed significant ballast against said storms. Said relationships can be straight or gay, and no differences will be made for the gender of characters.

Here endeth the lesson.

[Sundae]

Yes. Great advice. Well done me.

I need to add - do not have any characters that look like eachother. Or could conceiveably look like eachother. Or look nothing alike but some people might mistake them. And no characters with strong accents or who mumble without subtitles. And no important scenes either in the dark especially if characters whisper.

Bumping this because it's blockbuster season for films.
Only this year, maybe someone else might like to post their rules too?