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Old 05-31-2005, 03:11 PM   #1
kerosene
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The Sex Thread

Okay, here it is. The place where we can talk about our experiences and such regarding sex. I would advise that people just refrain from attacking others on this thread, just because it is suppose to be about "lovin"...not "hatin"

So, someone start...

Don't be shy!
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Old 05-31-2005, 04:15 PM   #2
Brett's Honey
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Well....okay case...here goes...
I've been with my husband since the day we met, 3 years ago, moved in with him 7 months later, married him one year after I moved in. When we met, I was 44 and he was 42. In the beginning, for about the first year, we didn't even get out of bed until well after noon on the week-ends, and we weren't sleeping! Now...I'm 47, he's 45, and some months we may only have sex 2 or 3 times. Is it menopause... age...just the new wearing off?? He says he's fine with the frequency, so unless men go through some sort of their own menopause, it shouldn't be that. There are still times when we get wild and crazy, usually after some partying, but not on a regular basis anymore. We're happy and comfortable with each other and it doesn't really bother me, but obviously I do think about it. It's such a change from 3 years ago. Normal??
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:24 PM   #3
elSicomoro
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Case, you fucking suck...eat a bag of shit!
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:52 PM   #4
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sycamore.. am i noticing a trend here?
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:54 PM   #5
elSicomoro
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You saw the smiley, right? Besides, I like Case.
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Old 05-31-2005, 06:01 PM   #6
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syc just thinks he has a shot at that hottie because he lives closer now.
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Old 05-31-2005, 06:46 PM   #7
staceyv
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A sex thread- what an awesome idea!

My sex life isn't much to talk about. One of the reasons I knew my husband was "the one" is because he isn't a very horny guy. I cannot stand men who always want to have sex- every single day, even more than once a day. It's fine when you first meet, but after a week of that, it gets kind of old. I can't be with a high-testosterone horny guy.

My husband wants it every 7-10 days. And what I love the most about his style is that he takes it when he wants it. He'll chase me around, rip my clothes off, grab me, and pretty much give me no choice but to give in and let him have it- I love that! If he just asked me for it, 99% of the time I would say "I'm tired, I'm busy, I just did my hair"- I'm full of excuses.
He doesn't hear excuses- he gets it- and once we're in the act, I start thinking "God, I'm so glad he started this because now I'm loving it"
He is SO perfect for me as far as sexual compatibility goes. He is the only guy that could get me to have sex everyday, if he wanted to.- oh, and even though he doesn't require a lot of sex, if I ever asked him to hook me up he'd be ready in an instant.

My last long term relationship was a mess because of my low libido. He felt rejected, he sat around and pouted because he listened to my stupid excuses and he never got any. He wasn't man enough to take what he wanted. He complained endlessly about the lack of sex we had. The more he complained, the less I wanted it. It ultimately destroyed us.

My ex-husband didn't complain- he cheated on me.

I'm so happy that I'm in a sexually compatible relationship- it really is very, very important.
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Old 06-01-2005, 12:09 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staceyv
My last long term relationship was a mess because of my low libido. He felt rejected, he sat around and pouted because he listened to my stupid excuses and he never got any. He wasn't man enough to take what he wanted. He complained endlessly about the lack of sex we had. The more he complained, the less I wanted it. It ultimately destroyed us.
I have been on the other side of that kind of relationship, except the part where being aggressive and taking what I wanted resulted in a net positive result. Things were very spicy at first, but once the relationship became pretty secure, her libido rapidly declined until she had pretty much no sex drive. At all. Ever. She still wanted the kissing and the cuddling, but not sex. I tried being aggresive at first, but her protestations just got louder until she would finally give in, and she'd lay still and look bored the whole time, which isn't particularly enjoyable for either.

I tried buying us sex books to read together and try things from, I bought vibrating toys and aromatic oils, I made heroic efforts with romance and foreplay, I gave her full-body massages (which just put her to sleep)... nothing worked. I tried asking her what she wanted, and she offered no suggestions. She explored possible medical explanations through her doctor, with no success. Every time I brought the subject up for serious discussion, she would get very pissed off and defensive, even though I made a conscious effort to be unaccusing and open-minded.

So after awhile, my interest began to wane... and then she would get angry and hurt when I didn't show interest. She didn't want sex, she just wanted me to want sex. And she was terrified that I'd leave her.

Whenever I brought the subject up, she probably saw it as complaining. Whenever I got frustrated by her lack of responsiveness and didn't want to be around her for awhile, she probably saw it as pouting. I wonder if she ever realized that her long-term sexual indifference reduced me from a happy, confident man into a frustrated and insecure mess.

I like to think that the problem wasn't me... I like to think that my tool was big enough to satisfy her, and that I am attractive enough to be desirable. But maybe I'm wrong. I have had other relationships where the girl NEVER seemed bored in the sack, but maybe they just had low standards. Bah. I'll probably carry some of that insecurity around with me for the rest of my days.

Sorry for the long post. I've been bottling that one up for awhile.
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Old 05-31-2005, 09:29 PM   #9
elSicomoro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lookout123
syc just thinks he has a shot at that hottie because he lives closer now.
Well, I AM single again...

I ain't getting all nitty gritty with you bitches, but...

I've slept with 5 women, and have fucked around with 5 more. I've had good sex, okay sex and bad sex. I've never been one to sleep around, and have been in love (or at least, thought I was in love) with those I slept with. Now that I'm single again, I've thought of having sex with no commitment, but that's just not my style...never has been. Earlier this month, I got an HIV test, which came back negative. I wasn't super concerned that I might have it, but you just never know.

Mrs. Sycamore is out there...some woman is going to be able to put up with my shit...and vice versa. But I'm in no hurry. Until then, there's always jerking off.
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Old 05-31-2005, 10:29 PM   #10
LCanal
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Hey Syc,

I'll offer you the same as I did to Brianna as you seem to be a soul in need.

I have a vacant small studio, Ok one room, above a bar in Bangkok if you need a break. Just spend some money in the bar.
There you can fall in love every day or twice a day or if you just fancy DIY at least you can find someone to do that for you.

Brianna has first refusal. On the studio.
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Old 06-01-2005, 05:38 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sycamore
I've never been one to sleep around,
well, there's a shocker.
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Old 05-31-2005, 08:21 PM   #12
Clodfobble
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My husband and I are usually about every 3-5 days (except of course during my "fertile days" because we've been trying to get me pregnant for awhile now, but that's a whole 'nother thread...) I could easily go less frequently, and he's happy whenever it's more frequent, but where we're at is a pretty good balance for both of us. He knows that 90% of the time it doesn't happen, it's his own damn fault for staying up late--he could have me every evening at 8:00 if he wanted, but when he comes to bed at 1:00 in the morning he gets nothing because I've already been asleep for 3 hours.

Anyone ever had to politely suggest to a boyfriend that he might be gay? I've done that.
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Old 06-01-2005, 01:34 AM   #13
LCanal
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Quote:
--he could have me every evening at 8:00 if he wanted, but when he comes to bed at 1:00 in the morning he gets nothing because I've already been asleep for 3 hours.
Hmm. Got me to thinking about my routine. That seems to be our pattern over the last few weeks.

The thing is the post sex cuddle stuff. Is "Ok but I'm not sleepy, I'm going to watch another hour of Discovery before I go to sleep" acceptable? I'll give it a try and see.
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Old 06-01-2005, 06:59 AM   #14
staceyv
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[quote=
Anyone ever had to politely suggest to a boyfriend that he might be gay? I've done that.[/QUOTE]

I didn't say anything, but I have to wonder about the guy I dated for 2 1/2 years- the one that complained about our sex life all the time and turned me off-
This IS the sex thread, so I won't censor myself- he introduced me to the world of sex toys. He bought a strap on penis for me to use on him. I had to get drunk first- and I just couldn't wear the goddamn thing. I felt SO weird with a friggin penis strapped on and there was no way I was gonna hump him like a man...So I had to use it as a hand tool for him...He LOVED it up the ass...He used to stick things up there even when he was alone masturbating. And speaking of anal fixations, he'd eat mine if I let him, and he was always giving himself enemas. Yeah, maybe he had some homosexual tendencies...

He was one kinky MF...
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Old 06-01-2005, 09:45 AM   #15
kerosene
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Cool! I had no idea this thread would get such response!

I knew syc was just fuckin with me...he knows I have seen the craziness that goes on around here, and we are both long time cellarers. I dig the guy and even wander over to the bosque every now and again. I pretty much like to get along with everyone. Once in a while I will step out of my normal neutral character and start shit with someone if I think they are being an ass, but most of the time, I let people just do their thing without giving them too much grief.

As for syc living closer to me...it would really rock if he ever got over to my side of the river for a few drinks or something. Something tells me he doesn't make it to Copeland all that often. We don't make it to the city much, either...about the biggest city either of us can stand is Wichita. And that only lasts a few hours.

So, I suppose I ought to fess up.

:deep breath:

So, my current man and I are like...well, we have to have it pretty much every day. If we don't, we both start getting grouchy at each other and I tell him "I just need to get laid!" So, we fix that problem pretty easily. But it isn't like "Oh, honey, we should go have sex". We never really talk about it like that. It always comes through more in actions, like he smacks my butt and growls at me or I grab him and give him a great big passionate kiss in the middle of making dinner or something. I really like that about him. I can relate to what stacey said about making excuses and stuff. When I think about sex, often I just think I don't feel like it, but when my man just has to have it, it's so much more fun. I think it is great, though, that he wants it so much. Sometimes I just want it so much, so I kind of do the same thing, by trying to turn him on and doing things I know he will like. I love that he makes me feel so much like a woman...I don't know how else to describe it. I guess in the past, most of the sex I had I was sort of in control. That was just kind of how it had to be with most guys I was with, but with my fiancee, he likes to be "the man" so much, and I love it. I know it sounds kind of silly. We are just so compatible in that way. Alot of women kind of freak out about a guy who has had a lot of sex in the past, but I think it is cool that he has so much experience, because he really knows what he is doing.

We like to do stuff like play little games...I don't know if anyone else does this...we pretend we are different people...not for the sake of each other, but for ourselves. We don't do it all the time, because sometimes, we just want to be close to each other. But sometimes, it heightens things a little bit if we, say, pretend he is my boss and I am his secretary or something. There are lots of other things we pretend, but I don't really want to divulge all of it. We never pretend we are anyone specific, like, say a movie star or anything. That sort of takes the fun out of it. We are always still ourselves, but in different roles in our lives when we play.

What I really like about my guy is the way he treats my body. I am not as little and cute as I use to be, so sometimes I don't feel so good about myself...but he never makes an issue about that. He just treats my body and me like I am the hottest chick he has ever seen. He makes me feel hot, because he doesn't just talk about it, he shows it with his actions and his drive. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, because I actually believe I am with the hottest guy I have ever seen.

About the boyfriend being gay part...yes, I have wondered about certain boyfriends being gay. I started having sex with this guy once and we were "sort of" dating, but I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong with the situation...it was like he was too much like me, or something. He didn't look gay or act gay, but he was so super sensitive, I just couldn't help but think he might be. It wasn't just the sensitive part, either...he had a really hard time when it came to sex. He didn't ask me to do anything particularly kinky, like up the ass or anything, but when we had sex, he just could not come. It was like he was afraid to or something. I couldn't stay with him. I felt bad breaking up with him, and really, I could have been more honest with him, but the sex was just so frustrating, I couldn't go on. What a hell of a thing to tell a guy, too..."I'm sorry, I can't be with you anymore...the sex is just too frustrating!" I probably could be that honest now, if I were in that same situation, but back then, I was too shy.
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