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Old 11-29-2011, 07:37 AM   #1
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Dear Family

I love that you all agree with me that marriage/domestic partnership should be a choice between two consenting individuals, no matter how well/poorly society perceives them to go together. And I do appreciate your help with the laundry. However, if one sock is small and navy (that's a shade of blue), and the other is long and black, they are not a pair. They do not go together. And however much we may want to help them be together, they are not both going to fit on the feet of the same person.
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:45 AM   #2
Clodfobble
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Location: Austin, TX
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Dear Mom,

I want you to meet my new significant other, Sven. He's a colorblind amputee, and it hurts him deeply that you don't consider him a "person."
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:49 AM   #3
Trilby
Slattern of the Swail
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
Dear Family,

I hate you.


Never leave me.

Love,
your Border Collie
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:57 AM   #4
Clodfobble
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Dear Border Collie,


Sit.

Stay.


Signed, The Management.
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Old 11-29-2011, 08:07 AM   #5
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Dear Mum

I know you think you are offering me a big treat by suggesting that you go through my room while I am in Glasgow and shred out of date papers and clean my bedroom. But didn't my reaction last year give you a clue that this was really not my ideal Christmas present?

I admire that despite your desire for order, you hold off until you know I am away for a night, but I genuinely feel violated at the idea.

I will go through my paperwork and shred what is necessary before 19 December.
But your suggestion that you're worried I might forget something otherwise (ie a bill or a debt) is nonsensical. If I have "forgotten" one in the past, destroying the evidence would have helped, not hindered the process.

I love you and I know you love me.
And Merry Christmas and all that jazz.
I won't thank you when I come back, because I don't want you poking about in there. But I won't sulk about it either.

x
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Old 11-29-2011, 08:11 AM   #6
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
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Location: Perpetual Chaos
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Dear progeny,

I'm delighted to welcome Sven to the family. I do apologise for not forseeing the event of you meeting a one-armed colorblind amputee who also had the misfortune to have one foot shrunk by a witch doctor as he sought solace for his loss in the jungles of darkest Peru. Or did he used to buy his socks in threes? In which case I would check what he's doing with the small one before you say "I do".
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Old 11-29-2011, 08:25 AM   #7
infinite monkey
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Dear Mom,

I'm not sure what you want from me. You told me no socks before marriage. Now you're saying socks is OK as long as it's a matched set? Seems a bit racist, and you've always been so open-minded.

And guess what else, Mom? My dress socks are teh ghey! They keep yelling "We're HERE, we're SHEER, get used to it!"
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Old 11-29-2011, 08:30 AM   #8
grynch
the big Cheese
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 390
Dear Family Back There,

Repeat after me, .... Switzerland... SWitzerland.
not Sweden and most definitely not Swaziland.
Go on.. say it now.

Love,
the ex.pat

p.s.. Eastern time plus six hours, NOT minus six hours. ( i.e. don't phone us again at 3:00 a.m. )
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:00 AM   #9
Trilby
Slattern of the Swail
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
Dear ex.pat,

Quit trying to control us!

We'll call you when we damned well please!

After all, YOU'RE the one who ran away to Swaziland!!

Yours,
F.B.T.
__________________
In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:10 AM   #10
infinite monkey
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Swaziland? Isn't that where they grow snozzberries?
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:26 AM   #11
Lamplighter
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Some people live way out in the Switzer-sticks
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:46 AM   #12
infinite monkey
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Twisted Switzer
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:00 AM   #13
grynch
the big Cheese
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 390
now class... pay attention...
.
.
http://www.distancefromto.net/distan...d/to/Swaziland

http://www.distancefromto.net/distan...to/Switzerland

http://www.distance-calculator.co.uk...-to-geneva.htm
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Old 11-30-2011, 05:07 AM   #14
ZenGum
Doctor Wtf
 
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Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
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Dear children,

No, we are not there yet. We will never be "there". We will always be here. That is a necessary truth.

Love,

WhyIamnotaparent.
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Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.
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Old 11-30-2011, 07:21 AM   #15
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Deer Family?...
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
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