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Old 01-18-2017, 05:39 PM   #1
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
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A Poem for Cherry (very rough draft)

OK...I've been mulling this one for a little while. It's a very rough draft. It is very much subject to change. But - I also kind of like that about it for posting in here. Less polished, but maybe more honest.


For Cherry


A cloud breaks on the Chevin,
Tumbles its cargo down
To the town below, where
A beaded bench stands silent vigil
The birds know why
Passersby wonder at
their sudden stillness.

Far away and somewhen else
Through the stark beauty
Of a snowdecked Glasgow
Three ladies of a certain age
Slip sliding down frozen streets
One in biker boots,
another in sturdy shoes
the third in dayglo platform trainers
To better suit her mood.

They are laughing, easy
It is clear that they are friends.
One slips,
the others reach out their hands.
They share a taxi, a meal
And inconsequential tales
of cats in suitcases,
and rings of bells.

They smile for the camera,
Wave hello to their friends
raise a toast to the flash
0f the chef’s spinning blades.
The moment is caught
The stillness of the image,
A pregnant pause
In a silent film.
Repurposed to a Christmas card.

I smile back, at the faces in my hand,
We don’t move,
Our light is caught, full twinkle.
But I think I hear an echo
A faint burst of raucous laughter.
Inside, in a bold font,
she had christened us

The Three Christmasteers

Used a photograph from the previous year,
and now
It leaps out at me
Shuffled
from the little pile of kept things,
A reminder,
Of where we were
At the top of the hill,
Before the bench and the birds
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There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
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Old 01-18-2017, 06:58 PM   #2
Undertoad
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aw shit d, i'm crying.

it has destroyed me. well done

this is what it's all about. you goddamn genius. goddammit
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Old 01-19-2017, 03:09 PM   #3
Gravdigr
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Um...no.

No way am I ready for this yet.

Ain't even gonna try.
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Old 01-19-2017, 03:10 PM   #4
Gravdigr
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I tried.

Couldn't get past the first fucking line.
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Old 01-19-2017, 05:27 PM   #5
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
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Thanks, Toad. I'm glad you like it. I like to think Cherry would get a kick out of having a poem written for her.

She always had a better understanding of poetry than I did. My own I understand, but that's a pretty limited field :P
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There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
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Old 01-20-2017, 10:16 AM   #6
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
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Okay, I've been playing with it - no major changes, but have altered the layout and punctuation, to try and make the rhythm clearer.



For Cherry


A cloud breaks on the Chevin,
tumbles its cargo down,
to the town below, where,
a beaded bench stands silent vigil.
The birds know why.
Passers-by wonder at,
their sudden stillness.

Far away and somewhen else,
through the stark beauty,
of a snow-decked Glasgow,
three ladies of a certain age,
slip sliding down frozen streets.
One in biker boots,
another in sturdy shoes,
the third in day-glo platform trainers,
to better suit her mood.

They are laughing, easy,
it is clear that they are friends.
One slips,
the others reach out their hands.
They share a taxi, a meal,
and inconsequential tales,
of cats in suitcases,
and rings of bells.

They smile for the camera,
wave hello to their friends,
raise a toast to the flash,
of the chef’s spinning blades.
The moment is caught.
The stillness of the image,
a pregnant pause,
in a silent film,
repurposed to a Christmas card.

I smile back, at the faces in my hand.
We don’t move.
Our light is caught, full twinkle.
But I think I hear an echo,
a faint burst of raucous laughter.
Inside, in a bold font,
she had christened us:
‘The Three Christmasteers’
Used a photograph from the previous year.

And now,
it leaps out at me.
Shuffled,
from the little pile of kept things.
A reminder,
of where we were,
at the top of the hill,
before the bench and the birds.
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Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
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Old 01-21-2017, 01:24 PM   #7
classicman
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:'(
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Old 01-21-2017, 02:52 PM   #8
Pico and ME
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I love it Dana.
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Old 01-21-2017, 02:54 PM   #9
fargon
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What Pico said.
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Old 01-21-2017, 04:24 PM   #10
Gravdigr
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Finally got through it.

Dana, that is wonderful, just wonderful.

"Far away and somewhen else..."

"I smile back, at the faces in my hand."

Awesome. Really.
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Old 01-21-2017, 05:48 PM   #11
DanaC
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I'm so glad you like it. I am very pleased with it. I got what I was reaching for.



The Glasgow trips with Sundae and Limes are among my happiest memories.
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There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
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Old 01-22-2017, 04:09 AM   #12
limey
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They were great weren't they?! And you've caught them perfectly. Thanks Dana. X

Sent by thought transference
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Old 01-23-2017, 11:56 AM   #13
footfootfoot
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Been avoiding this thread since I saw it go up. Made it through the first draft, just. Still way too raw.

Here is a photo for Dana of the box Classicman asked me to make for Cherry. It's the only photo I could find, I may have lost the others when my phone died.

The top is made from Cherry with a Walnut finial.

There was also a little spinning top inside which I didn't photograph.
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Old 01-23-2017, 01:17 PM   #14
classicman
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I I was waiting for your OK to post. Here is the other one I have.
Dana - please take a pic and post.
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Old 01-23-2017, 02:17 PM   #15
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
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Posts: 25,964
I'm having issues with the camera on my phone - hoping to avoid the dreaded factory reset. Certainly not doing it until I've finished Best Fiends - I've been playing the game since early September, I'm up to level 306 and no way do I trust that my progress will be saved if I have to reinstall :p




eta: it truly is a beautiful piece of work. The little spinning top is very sweet.
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There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
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