My Friend

Aliantha · 05-01-2007, 06:58 AM

Over the last few weeks some of you may have noticed I haven't been around so much. (some of you may have been thankful for that) I wanted to share with you something that's going on in my life at the moment which has kept me away from you all.

About a month ago, my best friend was committed to a private mental health facility under the government health act because he husband refused to believe she was ill. Her parents and everyone around could see she was having a relapse but her husband wouldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't take her to her shrink and even now he says she's just 'a bit depressed'.

My friend has schizophrenia combined with a bi-polar disorder. She's been well for about 9yrs or so now. Pretty much the same amount of time she's been married for. She's tried to top herself off a few times in the past and undoubtedly she will do so again sooner or later. Her doctor has her on Lithium now which seems to be helping although I'm concerned about the side effects. They're also considering ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) although that's a last resort strategy.

I have been spending as much time as I can with her, but I feel so helpless. I can't do anything besides talk to her and support her and her folks.

It's just so hard seeing someone you love in such pain and torment. Tormented is what she seems to be to me. I can see it in her eyes and the way she moves. It's breaking my heart.

Any advice?

elSicomoro · 05-01-2007, 08:44 AM

Sounds like you're doing the right thing...and the only thing you really can do. Just keep being the best friend you can be.

LabRat · 05-01-2007, 09:13 AM

I'm assuming 'top herself off' means attempted suicide?

My advice: read, read, read, all you can get your hands on about both disorders. Preferably books written by authors who suffer from the diseases. I've read a few good ones, but their titles are escaping me right now. As soon as I have a chance, I'll do a search and edit this post.

Being there for her is the best non-chemical medicine there is. Good luck, and vent here as needed

.

DanaC · 05-01-2007, 05:42 PM

Hard thing to deal with Ali, I really feel for you. My only advice is keep doing what you are doing. A friend who is ready to just be there either to vent at or just to sit quietly with is about as valuable a commodity as exists in this world. You can't make her better, all you can do is be there.

Aliantha · 05-01-2007, 11:34 PM

Thanks guys. We've been friends for a long time now so this isn't the first time we've been through this. It just seems worse this time. I've been doing plenty of research on her medication and treatment options although it's really not up to anyone but her doctor now because he's the only one with authority over her at the moment.

It's helpful to know what to expect though, and I do really appreciate your support.

Aliantha · 05-20-2007, 06:36 PM

I thought I'd give you guys an update on my friend.

She's on lithium now and it seems to be helping her. She's also just had her last round of ECT. Her memory is fucked up atm although they say most of it will come back.

They're letting her go home tomorrow.

Now it's time for the really hard work. I hope she can find the strength to put her life back together again.

skysidhe · 05-20-2007, 07:36 PM

I can't even imagine so it's really hard to say anything of significance that could help.

Only that I hope the road is smooth for everyone and not too many ups and downs.

Aliantha · 05-20-2007, 07:47 PM

There's not a lot anyone can say, so don't worry sky. It's more me just putting something down. Recording my thoughts or something. Just putting it out there so I...I don't know. I feel really lost most days myself. I wonder what I can do to help but realize there's not a lot I can do or say anyway.

It just really sucks.

Yepa · 06-16-2007, 03:27 PM

I think the best thing you can do is what you have been doing. Just spending time with her helps. It is hard, and you will feel helpless, but trust me, it's doing wonders for her, having you around!

Aliantha · 09-10-2008, 03:37 AM

My friend is back in the hospital again. Up till now she's been going through 10 year cycles, but on Sunday she agreed to be admitted again for her health and safety.

Last time she was in, they ended up giving her a course of Electric Shock Therapy which seemed to have really great results and she was out within a couple of weeks of the begining of the treatment.

Soon after she got out of the mental hospital she developed pneumonia and then plurasy which was very debilatating of course and she ended up back in hospital again, off and on for a couple of months and this finally ended up causing a blood clot on her lung. Now she's on a drug called wafren at least till the end of this year or possibly more.

So now she's back in the mental hospital...in my opinion the depression of being ill for so long is what's caused it, but what would I know. She's been calling me though, and for that I'm grateful. I'll be going to see her on Friday, so hopefully I can bring some sunshine into her life.

Sundae · 09-10-2008, 05:35 AM

I missed this first time round - I guess it was when I was going through my own depression.

I was very surprised to read a couple of years ago that ECT was still being used - we were brought up reading Sylvia Plath and believing it was a brutal and archaic form of punishment. But the differences between then and now are vast and it does seem to work.

Very sorry to hear about the physical problems following her last treatment. My Dad got a blood clot on his lung after knee surgery and had to go on Warfarin. It's very frightening. He also entered a very low period after the operation - not diagnosed as clinical depression, but probably something close. Being ill for a long time, especially with something so serious, is bound to have affect you rmental well-being.

I agree with what people said previously - you're being a great friend and cannot do any more. She is lucky to have you.

BrianR · 09-10-2008, 12:24 PM

Ali: I think you meant 'warfarin', a common anticoagulant also known as Coumadin. My father took it too.

I sympathize with you. I just found out that an internet friend in MO ended her life while I was enjoying the Philly scene. Now I feel a twinge of guilt although I know there was nothing I could do to help her as she didn't try to contact me during this time and I didn't contact her.

For those who need more details...I use "her" loosely as s/he was transgendered, on hormones and lacking many friends.

RIP Monica

Juniper · 09-10-2008, 02:11 PM

I have a good friend who has suffered severe depression for most of her life. She had ECT a few months ago and though she's got some residual amnesia from it, she says it's done wonders for her, she doesn't feel suicidal anymore, can look at "triggers objectively now, feels happy more often. Well worth considering.

Aliantha · 09-10-2008, 09:35 PM

Brian, you're probably right about the spelling. I've only ever heard the word and never seen it written, so my spelling was a guess. You figured out what I meant though.

Libby has called me every day this week. I'll be going to see her tomorrow with any luck. I guess maybe she'll talk to me a bit about what's going on then...or maybe not. I'll just have to wait and see I guess.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Pico and ME · 09-11-2008, 12:56 PM

I went through a pretty severe depressive episode that was mostly caused by a long period of stress induced anxiety (Like 5 years of it). The only thing that saved me was quitting the job that caused it. But the only reason I quit the job was because I nearly quit myself. Afterward I bought a bunch of books on depression (because there was no way I could afford a psychologist). Two helped a whole lot - The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. Burns, who studied under Dr. Albert Ellis and so deals with cognitive therapy; and The Right To Feel Bad by Lesley Hazleton, who shows how depression is actually a vital part of the human experience.

05-01-2007, 06:58 AM	#1
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	My Friend Over the last few weeks some of you may have noticed I haven't been around so much. (some of you may have been thankful for that) I wanted to share with you something that's going on in my life at the moment which has kept me away from you all. About a month ago, my best friend was committed to a private mental health facility under the government health act because he husband refused to believe she was ill. Her parents and everyone around could see she was having a relapse but her husband wouldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't take her to her shrink and even now he says she's just 'a bit depressed'. My friend has schizophrenia combined with a bi-polar disorder. She's been well for about 9yrs or so now. Pretty much the same amount of time she's been married for. She's tried to top herself off a few times in the past and undoubtedly she will do so again sooner or later. Her doctor has her on Lithium now which seems to be helping although I'm concerned about the side effects. They're also considering ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) although that's a last resort strategy. I have been spending as much time as I can with her, but I feel so helpless. I can't do anything besides talk to her and support her and her folks. It's just so hard seeing someone you love in such pain and torment. Tormented is what she seems to be to me. I can see it in her eyes and the way she moves. It's breaking my heart. Any advice? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-01-2007, 09:13 AM	#3
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	I'm assuming 'top herself off' means attempted suicide? My advice: read, read, read, all you can get your hands on about both disorders. Preferably books written by authors who suffer from the diseases. I've read a few good ones, but their titles are escaping me right now. As soon as I have a chance, I'll do a search and edit this post. Being there for her is the best non-chemical medicine there is. Good luck, and vent here as needed . __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within.

05-01-2007, 11:34 PM	#5
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Thanks guys. We've been friends for a long time now so this isn't the first time we've been through this. It just seems worse this time. I've been doing plenty of research on her medication and treatment options although it's really not up to anyone but her doctor now because he's the only one with authority over her at the moment. It's helpful to know what to expect though, and I do really appreciate your support. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-20-2007, 06:36 PM	#6
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I thought I'd give you guys an update on my friend. She's on lithium now and it seems to be helping her. She's also just had her last round of ECT. Her memory is fucked up atm although they say most of it will come back. They're letting her go home tomorrow. Now it's time for the really hard work. I hope she can find the strength to put her life back together again. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-20-2007, 07:47 PM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	There's not a lot anyone can say, so don't worry sky. It's more me just putting something down. Recording my thoughts or something. Just putting it out there so I...I don't know. I feel really lost most days myself. I wonder what I can do to help but realize there's not a lot I can do or say anyway. It just really sucks. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-01-2007, 08:44 AM	#2
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Sounds like you're doing the right thing...and the only thing you really can do. Just keep being the best friend you can be.

05-01-2007, 05:42 PM	#4
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Hard thing to deal with Ali, I really feel for you. My only advice is keep doing what you are doing. A friend who is ready to just be there either to vent at or just to sit quietly with is about as valuable a commodity as exists in this world. You can't make her better, all you can do is be there.

05-20-2007, 07:36 PM	#7
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I can't even imagine so it's really hard to say anything of significance that could help. Only that I hope the road is smooth for everyone and not too many ups and downs.

06-16-2007, 03:27 PM	#9
Yepa Listening Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vikingland Posts: 15	I think the best thing you can do is what you have been doing. Just spending time with her helps. It is hard, and you will feel helpless, but trust me, it's doing wonders for her, having you around! __________________ No more! The earth's a burrito! We're done!

09-10-2008, 03:37 AM	#10
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	My friend is back in the hospital again. Up till now she's been going through 10 year cycles, but on Sunday she agreed to be admitted again for her health and safety. Last time she was in, they ended up giving her a course of Electric Shock Therapy which seemed to have really great results and she was out within a couple of weeks of the begining of the treatment. Soon after she got out of the mental hospital she developed pneumonia and then plurasy which was very debilatating of course and she ended up back in hospital again, off and on for a couple of months and this finally ended up causing a blood clot on her lung. Now she's on a drug called wafren at least till the end of this year or possibly more. So now she's back in the mental hospital...in my opinion the depression of being ill for so long is what's caused it, but what would I know. She's been calling me though, and for that I'm grateful. I'll be going to see her on Friday, so hopefully I can bring some sunshine into her life. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

09-10-2008, 05:35 AM	#11
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I missed this first time round - I guess it was when I was going through my own depression. I was very surprised to read a couple of years ago that ECT was still being used - we were brought up reading Sylvia Plath and believing it was a brutal and archaic form of punishment. But the differences between then and now are vast and it does seem to work. Very sorry to hear about the physical problems following her last treatment. My Dad got a blood clot on his lung after knee surgery and had to go on Warfarin. It's very frightening. He also entered a very low period after the operation - not diagnosed as clinical depression, but probably something close. Being ill for a long time, especially with something so serious, is bound to have affect you rmental well-being. I agree with what people said previously - you're being a great friend and cannot do any more. She is lucky to have you.

09-10-2008, 12:24 PM	#12
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	Ali: I think you meant 'warfarin', a common anticoagulant also known as Coumadin. My father took it too. I sympathize with you. I just found out that an internet friend in MO ended her life while I was enjoying the Philly scene. Now I feel a twinge of guilt although I know there was nothing I could do to help her as she didn't try to contact me during this time and I didn't contact her. For those who need more details...I use "her" loosely as s/he was transgendered, on hormones and lacking many friends. RIP Monica __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

09-10-2008, 02:11 PM	#13
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	I have a good friend who has suffered severe depression for most of her life. She had ECT a few months ago and though she's got some residual amnesia from it, she says it's done wonders for her, she doesn't feel suicidal anymore, can look at "triggers objectively now, feels happy more often. Well worth considering.

09-10-2008, 09:35 PM	#14
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Brian, you're probably right about the spelling. I've only ever heard the word and never seen it written, so my spelling was a guess. You figured out what I meant though. Libby has called me every day this week. I'll be going to see her tomorrow with any luck. I guess maybe she'll talk to me a bit about what's going on then...or maybe not. I'll just have to wait and see I guess. Thanks for your thoughts. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

09-11-2008, 12:56 PM	#15
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	I went through a pretty severe depressive episode that was mostly caused by a long period of stress induced anxiety (Like 5 years of it). The only thing that saved me was quitting the job that caused it. But the only reason I quit the job was because I nearly quit myself. Afterward I bought a bunch of books on depression (because there was no way I could afford a psychologist). Two helped a whole lot - The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. Burns, who studied under Dr. Albert Ellis and so deals with cognitive therapy; and The Right To Feel Bad by Lesley Hazleton, who shows how depression is actually a vital part of the human experience.

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