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Old 01-26-2018, 09:43 PM   #1
xoxoxoBruce
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Jan 27th, 2018 : Heifer Gone Wild

Did you ever slam your bedroom door and vow to run away and join the circus, or a motorcycle gang, or a hippie commune?
But you didn't did you, ya pussy.
A young heifer in Poland with more guts than you, done did it.



Quote:
A domesticated cow has surprised Polish naturalists by spending the winter living with a herd of wild bison in the primeval Bialowieza Forest.
The cow "chose freedom" by running away from a farm late last autumn, and has been seen lingering on the fringes of a herd of some 50 bison in the forest on the Belarusian border.


Quote:
Ornithologist Adam Zbyryt was the first to spot the cow. He dropped his initial idea that this was a mutation when he trained his binoculars on the creature, and saw that it was Limousin cow - a French breed popular in Poland. The young animal appeared healthy, and unthreatened by the larger animals.
Naturalists assumed it would wander back to its pasture once winter set in.
Then biologist Rafal Kowalczyk spotted the cow again this week, still apparently healthy, and keeping pace with the herd.


Quote:
The unusual friendship could lead to mating, which would contaminate the vulnerable population of about 600 Bialowieza bison with hybrids. "Another danger is that hybrid calves are large, and the cow could die giving birth," the biologist told TVN24.
The interloper is still too young to breed, but it looks like her winter adventure must end in recapture before spring comes.
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Old 01-27-2018, 03:51 AM   #2
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Polish bison...Who'd a-thunk it?
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Old 01-27-2018, 03:52 AM   #3
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Not that that there's anything wrong with that...
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Old 01-27-2018, 10:09 AM   #4
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Wiki says...
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The European bison is the heaviest surviving wild land animal in Europe; a typical European bison is about 2.1 to 3.5 m (6.9 to 11.5 ft) long, not counting a tail of 30 to 80 cm (12 to 31 in) long, and 1.6 to 1.95 m (5.2 to 6.4 ft) tall. At birth, calves are quite small, weighing between 15 and 35 kg (33 and 77 lb). In the free-ranging population of the Białowieża Forest of Belarus and Poland, body masses among adults (aged 6 and over) are 634 kg (1,398 lb) on average in the cases of males, with a range of 400 to 920 kg (880 to 2,030 lb), and of 424 kg (935 lb) among females, with a range of 300 to 540 kg (660 to 1,190 lb).[7][8] An occasional big bull European bison can weigh up to 1,000 kg (2,200 lb) or more.[9][10][11]

On average, it is slightly lighter in body mass and yet taller at the shoulder than the American bison (Bison bison). Compared to the American species, the wisent has shorter hair on the neck, head, and forequarters, but longer tail and horns.
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Old 01-27-2018, 10:13 AM   #5
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What did the mother buffalo say when her son left for college?
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Old 01-27-2018, 01:41 PM   #6
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"Bye-son!"

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Old 01-27-2018, 01:45 PM   #7
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Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
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Old 01-27-2018, 06:41 PM   #8
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Long ago at Idaho State Univ. ( Yay Bengals), we were in the museum basement and was show a fossil Bison skull (Bison Bison old Bison). The horns were 6 feet tip to tip. A trifle larger than our current buff in Yellowstone.
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Old 01-27-2018, 06:57 PM   #9
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Guy On A Buffalo - Episode 1

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Old 01-27-2018, 10:46 PM   #10
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We have several Bison farms in Lancaster County, raising them for the meat market, so I’ve seen them driving by quite often. Ho hum, shaggy cows. It wasn’t until I got up close and personal I realized how big they get.

Driving through Wind Cave National Park in South Dakota the was a three way intersection I came to where a herd was just starting to cross. For myself and a couple others nothing to do but shut it off and wait. As the herd crossed it got wider and wider until all the stopped vehicles were engulfed too. I’m in a van a couple steps up from the ground and the big bulls are looking me in the eye.

There was a big post maybe six feet high at that intersection and a Bison would stop and scratch their neck. They would keep scratching until another one would bump them in the ass then take their place scratching. This happened a half dozen times and I noticed the bumper was always bigger than the bumpee. The last one was a yuge bull, the biggest critter I’ve ever seen in the wild.
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Old 01-28-2018, 03:07 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glinda View Post
I thought that was Morgan Two Persons, for minute.
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Old 01-28-2018, 08:25 PM   #12
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I thought that was Morgan Two Persons, for minute.
I sort of knew Russell when I was a kid (this was the The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes era).

The Russell family lived in the same SoCal town I did when I was a kid. Mom was the head nurse for a local bigwig plastic surgeon at the time, and Kurt's dad, Bing, was a client of this surgeon. At some point along the way, mom invited Bing to join the bowling league my folks belonged to, and Bing accepted.

On league nights, I went along to babysit the league members' kids. Every now and then Kurt would show up, and he and I would hang out together while the old folks bowled.

That SOB failed to fall head over heels in love with me, and for that I will never forgive him.






Fuckin' Goldie.
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Old 01-29-2018, 04:35 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
Driving through Wind Cave National Park in South Dakota the was a three way intersection I came to where a herd was just starting to cross.
Have you seen my holiday snaps?

Name:  Wind Cave 1.jpg
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Size:  149.6 KB

Name:  Wind Cave 2.jpg
Views: 106
Size:  163.9 KB

Taken from the car with a telephoto lens, I hasten to add.

That trip was back in 2003 but seems like yesterday.
I don't know where the time goes but it makes me realise how short life is.
In a somewhat reflective mood this morning.
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Old 01-29-2018, 07:33 AM   #14
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Quote:
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On league nights, I went along to babysit the league members' kids. Every now and then Kurt would show up, and he and I would hang out together while the old folks bowled.
That's pretty cool. How was he then as a famous child actor? Normal? Did you act normal around him?
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Old 01-29-2018, 02:42 PM   #15
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My favorite Kurt Russell story (NSFW):

Quote:
"We heard that our friend, Tim Saccardo, had the world's greatest Kurt Russell diarrhea story (there are a lot of diarrhea songs and stories out there). We asked him to share it with our Comedy.com readers in excruciating and explosive detail. After a few prune juice cocktails and a promise of fame and fortune, Tim agreed. We now present you with the world's greatest Kurt Russell diarrhea story:"

My first celebrity sighting in Los Angeles was not at a premiere or a party or The Grove. It was in a rundown movie theater bathroom, and he was coming straight at me out of a stall. I wasn't sure if anybody was in there. When I reached down to check if it was locked, the door suddenly flew open and there he was – Kurt Russell. Not “Tango & Cash” Kurt Russell, not “Big Trouble in Little China” Kurt Russell, not even “Captain Ron” Kurt Russell, but a Kurt Russell I can only describe as at-a-major-low-point-in-his-life Kurt Russell.

This particular Kurt Russell had long greasy hair that clumped together just above his shoulders. His face was overgrown by a week or two of jagged stubble and his blotchy skin glistened with a thick film of oil and flop sweat. His squinty eyes seemed confused by the harsh fluorescent bathroom lights, and it was difficult to tell whether Mr. Russell was at the peak of a weeklong bender or struggling to survive some mutant overseas virus. Throughout it all, however, he was still conscious enough of his fame to make a cursory attempt to shield his movie star face from gawking onlookers like me. In an instant, he was gone, just as quickly as he had appeared.

In a momentary daze, I tried to make sense of what just happened. Then I saw it. In the bathroom stall just vacated by Hollywood legend Kurt Russell moments ago, sat a toilet covered in diarrhea.

And allow me to make myself clear. I don't mean that Kurt Russell forgot to flush, or Kurt Russell left a floater, or Kurt Russell neglected to cover up a bowl-side skidmark with a piece of toilet paper. I mean that Kurt Russell left the toilet covered in murky brown liquid shit. Shit filling the bowl, shit running down the sides, shit splattered on the checkered tile floor, shit that produced a stench thick enough to simultaneously choke me and punch me in the face. In movie-speak, Kurt Russell had left a “Backdraft” and then “Escaped from L.A.” all in a Santa Monica men's room.

So, what did I learn from this? That Kurt Russell is a disgusting pig with no regard for his fellow movie theater bathroom patrons? Possibly. But beyond that, I learned that diarrhea is the great equalizer. We've all had it, both the famous and the non-famous. Just because you starred in “Tequila Sunrise” does not mean you don't make the occasional brown sunset. Just because you bombed in “3000 Miles to Graceland” does not mean that you don't drop a crap bomb after eating a bad chimichanga. Just because you made a major career comeback in Quentin Tarantino's “Death Proof” does not mean that you are turd proof. Just because you played the classic role of Snake Plissken in “Escape from New York” does not mean the occasional butt snake does not escape from you.

So you see, celebrities are just like us. Except for when they have diarrhea... then people read about it on the Internet. -- Posted by Tim Saccardo, who will never go into a public restroom again.
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