Generation swap

limey · 09-18-2009, 10:20 AM

It seems there are a few of us Dwellars finding that they have become the "responsible adult" in the relationship with their parent(s). Rather than hijack wolf's thread I thought I'd start a new one and we can all pile in here.
I'm having trouble keeping up with my mother's deterioration. From being able to cope at home on her own with support in early July with occasional bouts of oddness, she has now progressed to being totally confused and delusional virtually all of the time.
She moved in early July to rent a house nearer to me but is now incarcerated in a hospital environment which seems designed to erase all sense of self, all awareness of date/time and much else besides. Not a good place for those with incipient dementia.
I knew the move might cause a deterioration, but am taken aback by a) how fast it's going and b) the appalling slowness of bureacracy in getting my mother to a nursing home where she might improve a little, or at least be more comfortable.
And, there's the practical stuff to deal with ... cancelling the house-rental, dispersing her stuff, deciding what things she will have with her in the home ...

glatt · 09-18-2009, 10:53 AM

It's beginning to happen for me all of a sudden.

Last month my mom found out that she has chronic kidney disease from all the prescription pain medication she's been taking for her joint pain. So her doctor is adjusting her meds. Hopefully that will work and she will be able to bear the pain without destroying her kidneys any further.

My dad, last week and this week, has had intermittent episodes of numbness and tingling over his whole body. Doctors put him on blood thinners while he waits for an appointment with a neurologist. They don't know yet what is wrong, but suspect TIAs, which are a kind of temporary mini stroke. Hopefully the blood thinners will prevent a real stroke from happening.

They are in their late 60s and have been extremely vibrant and active their whole lives. I hope this doesn't slow them down too much.

limey · 09-21-2009, 02:19 PM

Serves me right for saying "there's nothing good that could happen at today's visit [to my mother in hospital-limbo]". At least she smiled a couple of times last week.
This week she swung between being frightened of her delusions (about firebombings and mortar attacks that have taken place or will take place), being frightened of the fact that she cannot determine what is delusion and what is reality, being frightened of staying in hospital because of the impending firebomb attacks, being frightened of staying in hospital because it's boring as hell, and irritation at me for not understanding. With a few pleas for us to go out, get out, go to the cinema and go for a good meal in between.
Meanwhile, the doctors in their infinite wisdom seem to have prescribed a calmer down (haloperidol) which is Bad For People with Parkinsons (did I mention the Parkinsons disease?). My mother has had a series of falls (did I mention the two broken arms, in two separate falls, since hospital admission in late July?), so what she doesn't need is an increase in Parkinsonian shuffle and Parkinsonian poor balance from a casually prescribed drug.

Flint · 09-21-2009, 02:31 PM

I don't figure I can bring this thread down any further, but what this makes me think of is the fact that I'm one of theose people who got ƒucked up because the parent they lived with was NEVER a responsible adult, thus was forced to be the emotional "parent" figure, thus never had a normal childhood, thus became an ineffective adult because of never learning how to relate to other people normally. Have a nice day!

limey · 09-21-2009, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

I don't figure I can bring this thread down any further, but what this makes me think of is the fact that I'm one of theose people who got ƒucked up because the parent they lived with was NEVER a responsible adult, thus was forced to be the emotional "parent" figure, thus never had a normal childhood, thus became an ineffective adult because of never learning how to relate to other people normally. Have a nice day!

Hugs, Flint ...

monster · 09-21-2009, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

I don't figure I can bring this thread down any further, but what this makes me think of is the fact that I'm one of theose people who got ƒucked up because the parent they lived with was NEVER a responsible adult, thus was forced to be the emotional "parent" figure, thus never had a normal childhood, thus became an ineffective adult because of never learning how to relate to other people normally. Have a nice day!

Oh been there, done that, having my childhood RFN kthxbai!

...although I think I can be a reasonably effective adult when I need to be, I'm just so bored of that role....

jinx · 09-21-2009, 03:55 PM

Hang in there limey, sounds like you're doing your best.

Both my parents married younger spouses after they divorced. I hope that works out for me in the end.

limey · 09-21-2009, 05:08 PM

My dad did that and the stepmother died first (fuck cancer!). So far, Dad is demented but running on his own little rails at home ...

Griff · 09-21-2009, 07:38 PM

We're in the parent the parent mode here as well... fun not much.

Perry Winkle · 09-22-2009, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

...although I think I can be a reasonably effective adult when I need to be, I'm just so bored of that role....

Yeah. Apparently this boredom continues until death. This terrifies me... I can't wait for the dementia to settle into my brain, so I don't know I'm bored anymore.

limey · 09-22-2009, 06:31 AM

If only it were that simple, Perry!

monster · 09-22-2009, 07:54 AM

I can't tell if perry was attempting sarcasm or is depressed....

limey · 09-22-2009, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

I can't tell if perry was attempting sarcasm or is depressed....

Me neither. Sarcasm is OK - you have to laugh. Some of the time I'm wishing for my mum to be completely engulfed in dementia so that she is unaware of what's going on. Then I feel guilty about that. If Perry's depressed then I'm sorry to hear it ...

Queen of the Ryche · 09-22-2009, 02:31 PM

...and I can't tell if my mom's demented or depressed. She'll call to tell me the same story three times in one day, and when I say "you already told me that" she responds with "well sorry, I can't remember who I have and haven't told."

I think she's just lonely and bored.

Make a check list mom. And get a hobby.

classicman · 09-22-2009, 03:20 PM

get mom on teh cellar

09-18-2009, 10:20 AM	#1
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Generation swap It seems there are a few of us Dwellars finding that they have become the "responsible adult" in the relationship with their parent(s). Rather than hijack wolf's thread I thought I'd start a new one and we can all pile in here. I'm having trouble keeping up with my mother's deterioration. From being able to cope at home on her own with support in early July with occasional bouts of oddness, she has now progressed to being totally confused and delusional virtually all of the time. She moved in early July to rent a house nearer to me but is now incarcerated in a hospital environment which seems designed to erase all sense of self, all awareness of date/time and much else besides. Not a good place for those with incipient dementia. I knew the move might cause a deterioration, but am taken aback by a) how fast it's going and b) the appalling slowness of bureacracy in getting my mother to a nursing home where she might improve a little, or at least be more comfortable. And, there's the practical stuff to deal with ... cancelling the house-rental, dispersing her stuff, deciding what things she will have with her in the home ... __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

09-21-2009, 02:19 PM	#3
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Serves me right for saying "there's nothing good that could happen at today's visit [to my mother in hospital-limbo]". At least she smiled a couple of times last week. This week she swung between being frightened of her delusions (about firebombings and mortar attacks that have taken place or will take place), being frightened of the fact that she cannot determine what is delusion and what is reality, being frightened of staying in hospital because of the impending firebomb attacks, being frightened of staying in hospital because it's boring as hell, and irritation at me for not understanding. With a few pleas for us to go out, get out, go to the cinema and go for a good meal in between. Meanwhile, the doctors in their infinite wisdom seem to have prescribed a calmer down (haloperidol) which is Bad For People with Parkinsons (did I mention the Parkinsons disease?). My mother has had a series of falls (did I mention the two broken arms, in two separate falls, since hospital admission in late July?), so what she doesn't need is an increase in Parkinsonian shuffle and Parkinsonian poor balance from a casually prescribed drug. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

09-21-2009, 02:31 PM	#4
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	I don't figure I can bring this thread down any further, but what this makes me think of is the fact that I'm one of theose people who got ƒucked up because the parent they lived with was NEVER a responsible adult, thus was forced to be the emotional "parent" figure, thus never had a normal childhood, thus became an ineffective adult because of never learning how to relate to other people normally. Have a nice day! __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-21-2009, 03:55 PM	#7
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	Hang in there limey, sounds like you're doing your best. Both my parents married younger spouses after they divorced. I hope that works out for me in the end. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

09-21-2009, 05:08 PM	#8
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	My dad did that and the stepmother died first (fuck cancer!). So far, Dad is demented but running on his own little rails at home ... __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

09-18-2009, 10:53 AM	#2
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	It's beginning to happen for me all of a sudden. Last month my mom found out that she has chronic kidney disease from all the prescription pain medication she's been taking for her joint pain. So her doctor is adjusting her meds. Hopefully that will work and she will be able to bear the pain without destroying her kidneys any further. My dad, last week and this week, has had intermittent episodes of numbness and tingling over his whole body. Doctors put him on blood thinners while he waits for an appointment with a neurologist. They don't know yet what is wrong, but suspect TIAs, which are a kind of temporary mini stroke. Hopefully the blood thinners will prevent a real stroke from happening. They are in their late 60s and have been extremely vibrant and active their whole lives. I hope this doesn't slow them down too much.

09-21-2009, 07:38 PM	#9
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	We're in the parent the parent mode here as well... fun not much. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

09-22-2009, 06:31 AM	#11
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	If only it were that simple, Perry! __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

09-22-2009, 07:54 AM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I can't tell if perry was attempting sarcasm or is depressed.... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

09-22-2009, 02:31 PM	#14
Queen of the Ryche is fleeing the scene Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Beautiful CO Posts: 1,510	...and I can't tell if my mom's demented or depressed. She'll call to tell me the same story three times in one day, and when I say "you already told me that" she responds with "well sorry, I can't remember who I have and haven't told." I think she's just lonely and bored. Make a check list mom. And get a hobby. __________________ Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

09-22-2009, 03:20 PM	#15
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	get mom on teh cellar __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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