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Parenting Bringing up the shorties so they aren't completely messed up

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Old 12-07-2008, 01:38 PM   #16
Clodfobble
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundae Girl
It's almost like a troll, but with no malicious intent - it is all about patterns.
You're absolutely right, it's about patterns, but he's not actually demanding that I sing, the way a kid would normally say, "Do this for me!" He doesn't even let me finish the songs the majority of the time. It's just a chant he starts and then gets stuck on. He doesn't get more intense, or more frustrated if I don't respond--he just keeps going. He'll chant to himself if I'm not in the room. I complete his phrases for my own sanity, because so far it's the only way for him to move on from the thing he's stuck on. (He does, however, get extremely frustrated if I give the wrong response.) He's grouped his books into seemingly random units that must be "completed" too--for example, if we read the Curious George firetruck book, we have to read the Tonka dump truck book too. (And it's not because they're both about vehicles, he has dozens of that type. I personally suspect it's because they're both mostly yellow.) Those books cannot be read individually, no matter how many other books we do or don't read.
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Old 12-07-2008, 02:36 PM   #17
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Wanted to add that I didn't take your suggestions indignantly--I wholeheartedly agree that a lot of kids' problems are directly traceable to pushover parents. We are, if anything, more authoritative with him than we have been with the other kids, because I know he responds well to very defined and immobile boundaries. Give him an inch, he'll want to take a mile. After enough consistency, he's usually pretty good about accepting that this is "just the way things are." Of course, God help us if we then need to change the pattern ourselves, because it isn't happening.
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Old 12-07-2008, 06:28 PM   #18
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I wholeheartedly agree that a lot of kids' problems are directly traceable to pushover parents.
85% of all problems are directly traceable to parents - or something like that.
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Old 12-07-2008, 07:07 PM   #19
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85% of all problems are directly traceable to parents - or something like that.
I think it's, 85% of all parents forget they're top management.
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Old 12-07-2008, 07:49 PM   #20
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A lot of this sounds like classic autism behaviour, especially getting stuck in loops and insisting on certain routines.
If it is, it will be a challenge but it's not a disaster. Accurate diagnosis and appropriate management will make all the difference. Best of luck with the little fella.
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Old 12-07-2008, 10:34 PM   #21
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Thumbs up

I see Clod. Wow man, this has all got to be wearing you down.

Get the little guy checked out Clod, definitely.
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Old 12-08-2008, 08:45 AM   #22
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I've got nothing terribly insightful to add, just that from the description, this sounds like more than just your standard 2 year old nutty behavior and you should discuss it with your pediatrician at the next opportunity.
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Old 12-08-2008, 11:19 AM   #23
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Maybe I'm missing something in here but I don't really see a problem in here. Kids are kids.

Quote:
He rejects the concept of brushing his teeth, and we have to physically restrain him every single night to get it done. At no point has he shown any acceptance that this is going to happen, despite complete consistency on our part.
Lil Lookout until he was five. Otherwise bizarrely aware of hygene, just didn't like the toothbrush. He grew out of it.

Quote:
He compulsively chants snippets of songs and catchphrases at me all day long, and will say his half again and again nonstop until I repeat what he has said to me, or whatever complementary phrase I'm supposed to say. One typical progression goes (exactly) like this:
I remember Lil Lookout doing this. His were television jingles and kidzbop stuff though. I think he was three. He still loops on lyrics but doesn't require any outside intervention unless I'm especially tired of hearing a particular lyric. He is always singing or humming. always.
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If at any point in these scripts I don't respond, he just keeps chanting his last line over and over and over until I do. I have gone so far as to lock him out of the bedroom to try to break the cycle. 20 minutes later I emerged, and he immediately picked up right where he'd left off.
Again Lil Lookout. If he asks a question at night (usually a stalling technique) that I don't answer he WILL wake up with the question on his lips.
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His newest thing this winter is he won't wear long sleeves. Even if it's 40 degrees outside. I figure when he gets cold enough he'll put on his jacket, right? So far he's still stubbornly holding out, and his elbows and arms are red and chapped by the end of each day.
LL is 7 and hates long pants with a bloody passion. complete freakout. Even visiting in illinois during winter he wears shorts. (but so do I when I can get away with it.) he had to wear jeans for a school function today and it was a 30 minute fight. There is no logical reason other than he just doesn't like them. OK.
Quote:
One of his favorite activities is "drawing with crayons." This consists of taking each of the 100+ crayons out of the box and lining them up on the table in front of him next to the big coloring book. He does not actually ever draw in the book, but it has to come out with the crayons all the same. When they are all lined up, he is done. Usually he tries to color-coordinate them as well, pulling all the blue ones out first, etc.
2.0 behaves like this. he is only 21 months now but a very very active problem solver. he likes to take things apart and organize the pieces. if left on his own he will take Lil Lookout's big box of star wars toys and line the men and weapons up by shape and color order. He calls that playing. (at least the way he says "playing") He does the same with dvd boxes, shampoo bottles, etc. He'll actually go into the cabinets and reorganize the tupperware into well defined order. strange to me, but it's his thing.

I'm certainly not dismissing your concerns and would certainly support the suggestion to have him tested, but I wanted to point out that nothing you've described is really that out there. Kids are kids and they all have their own quirks and stages. I will say this, though. Everytime (so far) Lil Lookout has picked up a quirk that was really bugging me to the point of being a REAL problem it would fade away on it's own.

chin up, mom - you've got a boy.
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Old 12-08-2008, 12:44 PM   #24
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chin up, mom - you've got a boy.
Thats exactly what I was thinking! Seemed too simplistic a response though.
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Old 12-08-2008, 12:47 PM   #25
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Could be. I've been accused of being simple more than once in my life.
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Old 12-08-2008, 03:00 PM   #26
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Having a kid with a disorder like autism or asperger's does not mean the only way to deal is with drugs and other special means. Unless the problem is severe - and I doubt it, even if there is some of this happening with mini-clod - it usually IS treated with behavioral modification.

Diet modification too. Sometimes odd behaviors in children (and probably adults as well) are caused by allergies or sensitivities to food, such as gluten, wheat products, artificial dyes, etc.

That said, if his quirks don't interfere with happiness, safety and daily success, there's nothing wrong with being a bit of a nutter.

That's what I keep telling people who don't understand me!
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Old 12-08-2008, 07:04 PM   #27
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He does the same with dvd boxes, shampoo bottles, etc. He'll actually go into the cabinets and reorganize the tupperware into well defined order.
That's not a boy, that's a House Elf.
Send him around, will you, the place is a mess.
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Old 12-08-2008, 08:06 PM   #28
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chin up, mom - you've got a boy.
Well at least I know he'll be good at soccer.

Seriously, I'm eagerly waiting for him to hit three, when all the little kid sports become available to him. We are always looking for ways to burn off the energy. He can choose any sport he wants, as long as it isn't (American) football.
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Old 12-08-2008, 09:36 PM   #29
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Well at least I know he'll be good at soccer.

Seriously, I'm eagerly waiting for him to hit three, when all the little kid sports become available to him. We are always looking for ways to burn off the energy. He can choose any sport he wants, as long as it isn't (American) football.
My God, you are SO right. My daughter, from about 2 on, pushed every last one of my buttons and drove me NUTS - though for different reasons than your mini-clod. As soon as I got her started in gymnastics, with its intense conditioning (and a few other sports she tried, time to time) she was oh, so much easier to deal with and happier, too.

I noticed something similar with my son. He was having school troubles - even more so than now - and when he started wrestling everything changed.

Not saying that in either case it was an instant cure, but the sports help in so many ways.

I really wonder how different my life would have been if I had been able to play sports.
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Old 12-08-2008, 09:47 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Clodfobble View Post
Well at least I know he'll be good at soccer.

Seriously, I'm eagerly waiting for him to hit three, when all the little kid sports become available to him. We are always looking for ways to burn off the energy. He can choose any sport he wants, as long as it isn't (American) football.
Have you tried stuff that's "too old' for him? Real lego (not duplo) for example? It's possible that he's just super smart and bored out of his skull, so opts for the comfort of interacting with you and knows what pushes your buttons.... are there any activities he gets 'lost' in, even for little bit?
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