What do you do...

Aliantha · 10-10-2006, 11:08 PM

...when someone else's kid hurts your kid?

Yesterday my boys were playing footy out the footpath with the local kids like they do most afternoons after school. Unfortunately one of the bigger boys must have had too much red cordial and upended my youngest boy which resulted in a mild concussion and a lump on the head. After that, he shoved my older boy into the street which resulted in some pretty nasty gravel rash and bruising.

Today I went to see the offending boys parents who were very understanding and appologetic on behalf of their son and we've decided that footpath footy is now banned in our street.

This incident had a fairly good outcome really and there's no lasting damage at this point, so we should all be able to move forward as a neighbourhood without any carrying on between parents and kids. There have been other incidents which didn't end so favourably in the past for us and I'm curious to know how other parents cope with this sort of thing.

Ibby · 10-11-2006, 05:37 AM

I'd say banning the sport is the wrong thing there, I would've said ban the kid.

But I'm not a parent, so I have no say.

Griff · 10-11-2006, 06:05 AM

I'd say you did the right thing. Its always best to start with words. Do the boys have access to a pitch or a yard?

breakingnews · 10-11-2006, 07:59 AM

I don't have kids (yet) so I don't have the slightest clue.

But I'd say the most you can do is clear the air with the other kid's parents. No use trying to meddle with the boys themselves - kids will be kids, and all this stuff is just part of growing up. Coddling isn't the way to go - it's kind of humiliating.

Maybe give your kids the "why you shouldn't act like that asshole bully" talk? Or - very delicately - suggest ways they can get him back with escalating the situation with more violence. I'd go with the latter.

Hoof Hearted · 10-11-2006, 11:04 AM

My sis dealt with a problem this past summer...
Sis' son Blain is in 3rd grade, going into 4th. The boy in question is a grandson of the neighbor's up the country driveway. Jon's mother is my friend since grade school, her boys were visiting Grandma for the summer. Jon is about 13? 14?

Anyhow, my nephew adores older boys, wants to be a big-boy himself and attaches himself to my friend's older sons and their cousins when they come visit. Jon and one of his older cousins took advantage of the lax 'security' at my Sis' home and took four expensive GameBoy(?) games. Just the discs, leaving the cases behind.

Sis spoke with my friend and she and her hubby spoke with the other boy, who ratted on their son. Then they spoke with their son, giving him the chance to come clean on his own...he did partially (not knowing his cousin had ratted him) and then he caught what-for because he didn't come completely clean.

He returned or replaced the games he took and he went to Sis' house and did yardwork two whole days of a weekend. He did a good job, too.

The problem I saw, was in speaking with my Sis, she wanted Jon's parents to punish him MORE! She wanted them to do this, deny him that, make him do this, that and the other...
I had a hard time trying to explain to her that is wasn't up to her to punish someone else's child...

Luckily, it hasn't hurt my friendship...but I don't think her boys are allowed to come over to play with Blain anymore when they visit Grandma.
hh

Shawnee123 · 10-11-2006, 11:29 AM

Kids being truly abusive to others...i.e. bullying, is a sign of an emotional disburbance in the bully. In some cases it's best to keep other kids away.

However, there is much to be said for kids learning to handle their own battles (not by fighting, of course.) It must be hard for parents to know when to do which!

Flint · 10-11-2006, 11:54 AM

Paint him pink.

Griff · 10-11-2006, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

It must be hard for parents to know when to do which!

Usually, it is difficult but "mild concussion" is well over the line.

Aliantha · 10-11-2006, 07:00 PM

Well, I know why this kid is a bully. His mother is in a wheelchair. She has MS I believe although I've never pried so don't know for sure. Obviously this boy has some pretty heavy emotional burdens as do most other bullies. I honestly feel more sorry for this boy than I do angry now and I'm glad I decided to give myself time to think about it before charging off with a full head of steam to confront him and his parents.

I've now spoken to all the parents of all the children who've been playing this game in the afternoons and we've all agreed that they can play other games together, but not one where 'tackling' is involved, particularly on the street. All the kids seem to be ok with this and it's given the smaller ones a way out of having to face up to the rough play without losing face or appearing wimpy and the bigger boys don't feel they've got to step in and 'take on' this other boy.

Hoof...I can understand your sis feeling the way she did about the punishment. It's hard sometimes to keep quiet when you feel you've been wronged but usually for the best. Personally I think it's wrong to get involved in the punishment process other parents have for their children and usually will only cause more anger and negate the punishment applied in the first place.

10-30-2006, 02:27 AM

Aliantha , I think kids should beat the shit out of each other and just be left alone .

Your job is just to read a bit of poetry to them from time to time , and say things like THE GIRLS WITH THE GIRLS AND THE BOYS WITH THE BOYS when the girls start having little boobs ( the boys are miles behind , as usual)

After that , everything just sort of fits in .

Just give them a really violent slap when they least expect it .

Really nice kids you'll have after that .

DucksNuts · 10-30-2006, 05:01 AM

..umm...crack smoking much buddog?...I mean dug

10-30-2006, 05:09 AM

naah , just a childhood tainted by Aussies .

DucksNuts · 10-30-2006, 05:24 AM

ohhhh - I get ya. Still recovering from being the unpopular kid at school.

I cant see why, you have such a sunny disposition and friendly way about you.

Aliantha · 10-30-2006, 05:56 PM

I don't agree with kids beating the shit out of each other. I believe in teaching my kids about self control. There's no need to act like neanderthals.

cjjulie · 10-30-2006, 07:36 PM

Call the kids parents

10-10-2006, 11:08 PM	#1
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	What do you do... ...when someone else's kid hurts your kid? Yesterday my boys were playing footy out the footpath with the local kids like they do most afternoons after school. Unfortunately one of the bigger boys must have had too much red cordial and upended my youngest boy which resulted in a mild concussion and a lump on the head. After that, he shoved my older boy into the street which resulted in some pretty nasty gravel rash and bruising. Today I went to see the offending boys parents who were very understanding and appologetic on behalf of their son and we've decided that footpath footy is now banned in our street. This incident had a fairly good outcome really and there's no lasting damage at this point, so we should all be able to move forward as a neighbourhood without any carrying on between parents and kids. There have been other incidents which didn't end so favourably in the past for us and I'm curious to know how other parents cope with this sort of thing. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-11-2006, 05:37 AM	#2
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	I'd say banning the sport is the wrong thing there, I would've said ban the kid. But I'm not a parent, so I have no say. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

10-11-2006, 06:05 AM	#3
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	I'd say you did the right thing. Its always best to start with words. Do the boys have access to a pitch or a yard? __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

10-11-2006, 07:59 AM	#4
breakingnews Q_Q Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere in between Posts: 995	I don't have kids (yet) so I don't have the slightest clue. But I'd say the most you can do is clear the air with the other kid's parents. No use trying to meddle with the boys themselves - kids will be kids, and all this stuff is just part of growing up. Coddling isn't the way to go - it's kind of humiliating. Maybe give your kids the "why you shouldn't act like that asshole bully" talk? Or - very delicately - suggest ways they can get him back with escalating the situation with more violence. I'd go with the latter. __________________ Gone crazy, be back never.

10-11-2006, 11:04 AM	#5
Hoof Hearted ...you smell something? Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Monroe, GA Posts: 420	My sis dealt with a problem this past summer... Sis' son Blain is in 3rd grade, going into 4th. The boy in question is a grandson of the neighbor's up the country driveway. Jon's mother is my friend since grade school, her boys were visiting Grandma for the summer. Jon is about 13? 14? Anyhow, my nephew adores older boys, wants to be a big-boy himself and attaches himself to my friend's older sons and their cousins when they come visit. Jon and one of his older cousins took advantage of the lax 'security' at my Sis' home and took four expensive GameBoy(?) games. Just the discs, leaving the cases behind. Sis spoke with my friend and she and her hubby spoke with the other boy, who ratted on their son. Then they spoke with their son, giving him the chance to come clean on his own...he did partially (not knowing his cousin had ratted him) and then he caught what-for because he didn't come completely clean. He returned or replaced the games he took and he went to Sis' house and did yardwork two whole days of a weekend. He did a good job, too. The problem I saw, was in speaking with my Sis, she wanted Jon's parents to punish him MORE! She wanted them to do this, deny him that, make him do this, that and the other... I had a hard time trying to explain to her that is wasn't up to her to punish someone else's child... Luckily, it hasn't hurt my friendship...but I don't think her boys are allowed to come over to play with Blain anymore when they visit Grandma. hh __________________ I have the ability of single-minded determination and focu...Hey, look! A horse!

10-11-2006, 11:29 AM	#6
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Kids being truly abusive to others...i.e. bullying, is a sign of an emotional disburbance in the bully. In some cases it's best to keep other kids away. However, there is much to be said for kids learning to handle their own battles (not by fighting, of course.) It must be hard for parents to know when to do which! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

10-11-2006, 11:54 AM	#7
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Paint him pink. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

10-11-2006, 07:00 PM	#9
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Well, I know why this kid is a bully. His mother is in a wheelchair. She has MS I believe although I've never pried so don't know for sure. Obviously this boy has some pretty heavy emotional burdens as do most other bullies. I honestly feel more sorry for this boy than I do angry now and I'm glad I decided to give myself time to think about it before charging off with a full head of steam to confront him and his parents. I've now spoken to all the parents of all the children who've been playing this game in the afternoons and we've all agreed that they can play other games together, but not one where 'tackling' is involved, particularly on the street. All the kids seem to be ok with this and it's given the smaller ones a way out of having to face up to the rough play without losing face or appearing wimpy and the bigger boys don't feel they've got to step in and 'take on' this other boy. Hoof...I can understand your sis feeling the way she did about the punishment. It's hard sometimes to keep quiet when you feel you've been wronged but usually for the best. Personally I think it's wrong to get involved in the punishment process other parents have for their children and usually will only cause more anger and negate the punishment applied in the first place. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-30-2006, 02:27 AM	#10
Buddug Guest Posts: n/a	Aliantha , I think kids should beat the shit out of each other and just be left alone . Your job is just to read a bit of poetry to them from time to time , and say things like THE GIRLS WITH THE GIRLS AND THE BOYS WITH THE BOYS when the girls start having little boobs ( the boys are miles behind , as usual) After that , everything just sort of fits in . Just give them a really violent slap when they least expect it . Really nice kids you'll have after that .

10-30-2006, 05:01 AM	#11
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	..umm...crack smoking much buddog?...I mean dug

10-30-2006, 05:09 AM	#12
Buddug Guest Posts: n/a	naah , just a childhood tainted by Aussies .

10-30-2006, 05:24 AM	#13
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	ohhhh - I get ya. Still recovering from being the unpopular kid at school. I cant see why, you have such a sunny disposition and friendly way about you.

10-30-2006, 05:56 PM	#14
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I don't agree with kids beating the shit out of each other. I believe in teaching my kids about self control. There's no need to act like neanderthals. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-30-2006, 07:36 PM	#15
cjjulie Colonist Extraordinaire Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: CT Posts: 201	Call the kids parents __________________ Fun,Fearless,Female

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