Narcissistic Personality Disorder (a novella, sorry)

[classicman]

Speaking of exes ... mine was planning on getting married on my birthday next year. When I discussed it with her, she simply said "Its just another day"
Um, OK - just another day I'm taking all the kids on a tropical vacation to Mexico.
Anyway - she went up got married yesterday - never told the kids (27, 25, 23). My daughter and I found out at the same time when she saw the post on BaseFook. My daughter was REALLY upset. Seriously, help me out here. WTF? She didn't even tell her own kids nor call them afterward? She has them see a fucking post on FB? Really? Is it me?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Is it me?

I'll assume that's a rhetorical question, because you've known the answer to that one for a very long time.

[Undertoad]

The new gig is going great so far -- and to keep it on topic, I'm so attuned to that NPD personality type, that I can say for certain after only two days that nobody at the new place has it.

It's a relief. When NPD guy was away from the office, the whole place was happier. People would discreetly share information on when he was going to be away. ("Is it Thursday and Friday, or is it just Friday?") For me he's now "away" permanently and that feeling lasts.

It's so strange... not only are the new peeps simply of a different personality type, but they seem concerned that the new hire process is working, that there's nothing they're leaving out, etc. etc. a whole different way of working which values the new person, and it all feels warm and fuzzy. This in turn makes me want to do a great job for them, and I hope that is the point.

[Undertoad]

I'll go on, because who knows how long this stuff will be fresh on my mind.

I remember thinking this might be a tough ride during the first week. One day two I heard NPD guy yelling, on the phone, at a customer service person for his bank.

He was pulling out all the stops, "Well would they like it if I came down there and took all my money out of my accounts??" and other such really bullshit things angry people say to customer service people over the phone.

But maybe he was having a bad day himself. No, he's just that way. He doesn't need to treat others as human beings. They are just tools to get what he wants.

~

A few days later he asked if I had an eBay account, and could I get two of our office phones. He gave me the company credit card. I bid on and won the phones, but only then figured out that I couldn't pay with someone else's card, only my own. This was bad because I was broke; and furthermore the company was notoriously bad at reimbursements for our office, being on another continent. I had committed to spending over $100 I didn't have. I hadn't even gotten a paycheck yet.

I explained this to NPD guy and he told me to just not go through with the deal. I said "Well then the seller will give me a negative, and I have a 100% rating." "Well now it'll be 99%," he replied, walking away.

I wound up buying the phones and selling them back out.

[xoxoxoBruce]

And quickly learned to watch this guy, better to know right away, without getting beat up too bad. Go Toad.

[Sundae]

Okay, who wants to be the bad guy here...?
Anyone? (Bueller?)
Anyone?

Nope.
Me then.

I don't have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, although sometimes I pretend on here to be more about me me me than I really am. It's a pressure valve, you know?

But I do have a personality disorder. And the addiction issues and dangerous behavioural impulses that tag along with it.

I'm really really hard work. Y'all are okay behind your screens because I can't get to you.
I burn through people very quickly by being too needy, demanding and downright appalling.
I hurt very good people. I did this with my ex husband and I doubt I will ever have a "romantic" relationship again, even though I think I'm in love. I don't know if that decision makes me a better person, or just makes me more of a drama queen, but I've held firm on that for nearly two decades now.

All I'm saying is that people can be nasty, be awful, cruel and unkind and show no empathy. But there are also people out there who can't help their own f*cked up heads, and try their best afterwards to make amends because they were actually raised right and do feel it.

No help to you if you're the one they've steamrollered.
But I'm a rollercoaster ride. Hop on and try.

[Undertoad]

Borderline I'm supposing?

The online version of you is moderated, and pleasant to be around.

[Sundae]

Yes I'm borderline.
And yes, the mods help me here.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Sundae

I burn through people very quickly by being too needy, demanding and downright appalling.

Fine one night stand without breakfast, though.

All I'm saying is that people can be nasty, be awful, cruel and unkind and show no empathy.

Hey, I represent that.

[Undertoad]

If you know you have a personality disorder, I think you are a little ahead of the game. Regardless of whether you can do anything about it without therapy.

I don't think NPD guy realizes his situation. I believe it is self-defeating in his case and will probably lead to a general downfall. The websites that discuss it, say that NPDs eventually wind up depressed or otherwise dysfunctional. What other outcome could there be, if they believe they are designed for success, and then the personality that tells them that makes it impossible. You can't be the boss if people don't want to work for you.

I think we can only escape our personality quirks, however we want to describe them, through years of therapy where we're actively working on it, or medications that slowly retrain our brains to different patterns. Someone who is PTSD has had their brain trained to react to repeated stresses - but over time it can be retrained to not react that way.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

If you know you have a personality disorder, I think you are a little ahead of the game. Regardless of whether you can do anything about it without therapy.

Sure, you're ahead of the game knowing whom you insulted/annoyed/pissed off. You can avoid them, or watch your back, if nothing else.

[lumberjim]

What if you were an unmitigated success as an NPD personality. Alec Baldwin. David Hasselhoff. Are they happy?

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Fine one night stand without breakfast, though.

Okay. I'm not quite that bad.
I can make it through breakfast.

And you'll get a BJ if you serve a Bloody Mary.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

I don't think NPD guy realizes his situation.

That's a scary thought. So how can any of us know if we have NPD? Maybe I have NPD and don't realize it. But by asking that question, am I demonstrating that I don't have NPD?

Also, how can somebody with NPD get into a position of power? Who gave him the boss job and why? Surely they knew he was a tool?

[Undertoad]

It is scary - it's almost like - if there was a thread like this about you, would you read it? Wouldn't it be both devastating and the most helpful thing ever?

~

His young dream was to become James Bond of America, but was turned down by the Secret Service (but not before buying his own Walther PPK, because that's what you do)

He was unsuccessful in the real world for a while (with anger management issues)

But he then went to work for his dad, and was successful at sales. Sales is where a lot of these cats will end up, because that's where it works: they are extremely confident, which is attractive in a salesperson. And they are able to flat-out lie, or play chess games when necessary. The parent company bought their sales company when they wanted a US sales office.