The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-04-2016, 07:58 PM   #136
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
I think a floral arrangement or plant and whatever is left going to her mum is a great idea. She is going through a very difficult time right now and (most likely) will be dealing with the passing of her husband in the very near future as well. Thats the best "charity" we could possibly donate to. In that, I'm with Bruce.
Limey, please let me know where to send my contribution.
__________________
"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

Last edited by classicman; 12-04-2016 at 08:04 PM.
classicman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 08:19 PM   #137
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Quote:
Originally Posted by limey View Post
We brits are notoriously embarrassed about receiving financial gifts
This.

From what I understand about Sundae's mom from her posts, she was generally very traditional and did worry about "what people would think". I worry that a cash donation to her directly would cause awkwardness for her, no matter how much it would undoubtedly help and how well-intended
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 08:33 PM   #138
infinite monkey
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
Quote:
Originally Posted by monster View Post
This.

From what I understand about Sundae's mom from her posts, she was generally very traditional and did worry about "what people would think". I worry that a cash donation to her directly would cause awkwardness for her, no matter how much it would undoubtedly help and how well-intended
How is this only obvious to limey and monster? This is the deal, folks, whether it jibes with our sensibilities or not. We have to be together on this.
infinite monkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 08:36 PM   #139
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
If Mum doesn't tell her peers, I won't. If it bothers her, then she can chose a charity and pass it on.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 09:28 PM   #140
lumberjim
I can hear my ears
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
With respect to funeral expenses... In the UK, is it like it is here? Would she have had some type of insurance in place to cover the expense of the burial? Is she to be buried or cremated?

Wanting to give her mom money is maybe an action that would make us feel better. We're powerless to attempt to console her family because of the distance. Yet we need to do something. Do we need it for her, or for ourselves?

In my estimation, the cellar was Cherrys best friend. Collectively. But for Carruthers, limey and Dana, we are all to remote to attend the funeral, to hug her mum, to cry tears over her grave. It's frustrating. But that's our problem.

Is it possible for one of you that have spoken to her mum to ask what she would allow us to do? I know it's a lot of pressure to represent this community. And I appreciate whatever guidance you can offer.

This sucks so bad
__________________
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan
lumberjim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 09:28 PM   #141
fargon
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 8,924
I'm in.
__________________
Annoy the ones that ignore you!!!
I live a blessed life
I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!!
Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.
fargon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 09:30 PM   #142
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
If Mum doesn't tell her peers, I won't. If it bothers her, then she can chose a charity and pass it on.
that's just not how it works ... That would be rude and ungrateful, even if the giftor didn't know about it. Limey, Carruthers, Dana and other Brits right there right now will know best, but.... this stuff is instilled from birth. That would be a terrible burden, not a terrible relief. I can't explain better than that, I'm sorry. The only way you might ever get away with helping with funeral costs is to make an anonymous donation directly to to funeral director and have them discretely apply it to the bill. But that's a lot to ask someone to do on behalf of a collective. It's just an entirely different culture.
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 09:33 PM   #143
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim View Post
With respect to funeral expenses... In the UK, is it like it is here? Would she have had some type of insurance in place to cover the expense of the burial? Is she to be buried or cremated?
prepaid/insurance highly unlikely. Too young and no income

It's not as expensive, but I see costs have been rising exponentially recently.

Most are cremated these days, unless religious reasons prevent. There is no space for burial
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 09:36 PM   #144
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
OK I finally had an idea

Sundae liked parks and feeding the birds etc. Her mom might be OK with us buying a bench in a public park with a dedication plaque if it was possible. Or in a city center
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 09:49 PM   #145
elSicomoro
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 12,486
^^^I'm down with this. I'm also down with sending money directly to Limey or one of the other Brits to do what they believe is best in this situation.
elSicomoro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 09:51 PM   #146
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
Quote:
that's just not how it works
They are indoctrinated with their customs. That's why we threw the tea in the goddamn harbor, and do things our way.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2016, 11:30 PM   #147
lumberjim
I can hear my ears
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
Quote:
Originally Posted by monster View Post
OK I finally had an idea

Sundae liked parks and feeding the birds etc. Her mom might be OK with us buying a bench in a public park with a dedication plaque if it was possible. Or in a city center
There was a shaded arch of trees she posted pictures of a couple times. Like a path exiting a garden.... I can see it in my mind, but have no idea where to begin searching for those pics.
__________________
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan
lumberjim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2016, 08:02 AM   #148
Spexxvet
Makes some feel uncomfortable
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 10,346
I'm devastated. She was the perfect woman
__________________
"I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce
Spexxvet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2016, 08:15 AM   #149
bbro
Insert witty comment here
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 2,182
Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
They are indoctrinated with their customs. That's why we threw the tea in the goddamn harbor, and do things our way.
This isn't about us and making us feel better. It's about making her family feel better. If that means we don't give money, as has been stated multiple times as being unwelcome in the British culture, then we don't.

Why force the issue? Do you really want to make her mum feel even worse?
__________________
Camping
bbro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2016, 08:48 AM   #150
limey
Encroaching on your decrees
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland
Posts: 7,016
Let's not squabble over the details when our intentions are all of one accord, and for the best.
I am sure that the gesture of "taking up a collection" in Sundae's memory would be very positively received. We could send a plant with a message of condolence from the Cellar, and that would also be very well received. We could certainly convey to Sundae's mum that Dwellars would be very happy for any "leftover" funds to be used to cover funeral costs, but also give her the option to donate to a charity of her choosing if that is what she prefers.
As to a memorial bench - I think you are thinking of the park in Otley, LJ. Although she loved the park, Otley was not a particularly happy place for Sundae. Also, there can be a lot of red tape around getting permission to put new benches in such places.
Sundae's mum is grappling with red tape in Leeds and won't get home until tomorrow. We'll let you know what's decided about the time and place of the funeral - that would be a good deadline for donations.
I'm happy to collect donations, if everyone else is happy with that. Paypal payments as a "between friends" transaction so that there are no costs. I'd be grateful if you could put "Sundae's memorial" in the description so that if the taxman takes an interest I can show him that it's not a commercial transaction. PM me for my email address - discretion as to your participation is assured.
__________________
Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of
limey is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:51 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.