What's upsetting you today?

[footfootfoot]

Where does your mom live? Hoping she is going to be ok.

[Chocolatl]

Thanks, everyone. I'm pretty scared, right now. We aren't close, but as she and I often joke, she's the only mom I've got.

She lives about four hours south of me. With Beans being a pretty tough baby, I haven't gotten up the nerve to make the trip down. She hasn't made the trip up because she works six days a week and has a phobia of driving anyway. I've offered to pay for a plane or bus ticket, but she hasn't taken me up on it.

[BigV]

so sorry Chocolatl, I hope your Mom gets well soon.

[Clodfobble]

Sorry, Choco. Hope your mom feels better soon...

[Aliantha]

I hope she's ok Choco. Maybe it's something simple and manageable. Sometimes serious disorders have simple solutions. Like some types of diabetes for example (that one's just on my mind because of the low carb stuff and reading about it, and having had it during pregnancy etc). Try not to worry too much till you know the answer.

I hope Beans stops giving you a hard time soon too! xx

[chrisinhouston]

Today I am rather upset about my son and his mental health situation. This is my oldest child, the one who joined the navy and ended up applying to the USNA and got in and graduated in 2007. He did 5 years in the Navy and made it to a Lieutenant and I only found out last fall that he had attempted suicide while in the sub fleet and was being let go. He did end up with a full honorable discharge and was discharged for medical reasons which is good, he can still get VA coverage and benefits. He got a good job in Pennsylvania in the private sector and moved his family which is his wife of 2 years, 1 year old son and his mother (my ex) who lives with him due to some health issues.

I spoke with him on the phone the other night, I had heard his wife and baby went back to Washington state for a family visit for a week or 2 and I was upset that he was feeling very depressed. Seems like the remnants of the depression that drove him to contemplate suicide while in the sub fleet are still with him. I asked him if he had found a good therapist yet, he said no and that he could only see a VA psychiatrist once every other month or something and that every civilian one he called had a waiting list to get in. I asked him if he was taking his anti depression meds and he said he had quit all of them a few weeks ago as he read that most of the shooters in those mass murder gun tragedies was on drugs for mental health (thankfully he does not own a gun that I am award of). I cautioned him about stopping the meds. He said he was lonely and missed his wife but they are tallking a lot on the phone, she was home with family as her grandmother was dying. I encouraged him to work against the depression, reach out and talk to others, and all the other things I could think of. He said he wasn't sleeping much and not eating, all signs of serious depression.

I reminded him that all his troubles that seem so big are just temporary and he has a good job, a wonderful wife and baby and really not much to worry about. He asked me if I liked kids, like babies. I told him I did and had taken to being a dad right away and loved spending time with him and his siblings when they were babies and as they grew up. He said he loved his son but had difficulty relating to him. I knew my son had struggled with the fact that he married and the baby came so fast and that he had had a hard time dealing with him as a new born, he just had no intuitive parenting skills. Now his son is 20 months old, real active and beginning to talk and running around the house, really active. I tried to remind my son what it was like when he was that age, I told him he looks up to you as your dad and when you walk in that door you are the most important thing in his day. I told him not to worry so much and the only thing he has any control over is himself and how he reacts to things effecting his life.

My wife said I did a good job of talking to him and giving him advice. However, I don't know what his future will be like. Something deep down in side him is causing a lot of mental pain. Oh well, it will all work out I guess but I wish I could do more for him.

Thanks for listening if you read this.

[xoxoxoBruce]

It sounds like even if he has trouble relating to the kid, he misses him while he's in WA. The relating is probably wondering whether he's doing a good job of parenting or not, but isn't that something all dads go through, especially with the first born. I wonder if the ex is onboard with this.

[chrisinhouston]

Yes she is on board, she is a really great wife and mother. But the whole thing has been mentally challenging for her to understand what it is that effects him. It all came as a surprise during their first year of marriage and they got pregnant just 3 months after their wedding which was not planned. My son has always been one who plans everything and has a hard time adjusting to sudden changes if the plan is altered.

[Griff]

Sorry guys. Hang in there.

[DanaC]

Sound a difficult thing to get to grips with Chris.

But it also sounds like you handled the call really well.

[monster]

Chris, I'm so sorry. Can you visit while hia wife is away? would it help?

[jimhelm]

I just found out that Spike, my ex-cat has cancer and is being put down tomorrow. My daughter is 12 now, and this has to be killing her. I think Spike is only 4 or 5.

[zippyt]

Oh Bummer !!!!!!

[jimhelm]

Yeah. The kids never mentioned him being sick. Just saw it on facebook.

Might be that I'm more bummed about being that out of touch with their lives. I see them twice a week, but.... I guess maybe they just found out. The picture she posted, showed him with skinny back legs.... Kind of bedraggled.... Maybe he was wet, I dunno. i feel bad for spencer and shelby too. And Dennis. Sigh.

[limey]

Oh no! How sad for you all, Jim