My nephew and his Dad - Page 2

DucksNuts · 11-26-2011, 12:38 AM

So, its going well so far.

He's said he wants to see JS and then JS' son when the time is right. He just wants to word his daughter up first. She knows about JS, but I don't think JS knows about his half sister.

He said if I thought the news would be better coming from me, he'd like me to tell him..or he would do it.

I've said I won't say anything until after he has spoken to his daughter and she's ok with the whole thing.

Ali - I agree with your Dad. Its why I never say anything about the boys Dad, even when they pull the whole "if I lived with my Dad ..."

Aliantha · 11-26-2011, 03:10 AM

haha...my kids used to pull that one on me till they actually did have to live with him for a couple of months. They were pretty happy to come home again I can tell you, and since then I've never heard another word about going to live with him.

DucksNuts · 11-26-2011, 05:36 AM

Well...JS and his Dad are catching up before Christmas.

JS just wants me to come along initially.

My sister will kill me, but I've been laying this foundation for the past few years and undoing all her damage.

Aliantha · 11-26-2011, 05:41 AM

Your sister will get over it. I think you're doing the right thing, especially to go along with JS for at least the first meeting. xx

jimhelm · 11-26-2011, 09:03 AM

So, ducks, for you the angst really comes from your feeling that youre betraying your sister, huh?

Sundae · 11-26-2011, 09:11 AM

That's not how I read it.
It's more about introducing a vulnerable young adult into a situation she can't control.

And then if it goes wrong having to deal with her sister.

jimhelm · 11-26-2011, 10:06 AM

I wasn't saying that she's betraying her sister, to be clear... I was just thinking that, depending upon how her sister reacts when she learns that ducks involved herself in reestablishing the contact between her son and her ex... there may be some resentment, and I thought ducks would be concerned about risking the relationship she has with her sister....

no judgement. it's a sticky wicket to be sure.

zippyt · 11-26-2011, 10:17 AM

How old is JS ??
if he's 5 i say get in touch with Mom
i get the impression he's older ,

Oh Sis IS going to be Pissed that yer AllUp in her Bizzness (Been there )
but if JS is 18-20ish the you or he can tell her to shut up

Sundae · 11-26-2011, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippyt

How old is JS ??

11 years younger then Ducks. As she has 2 children I'm guessing that means he is in his 20s at least (!)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimhelm

I wasn't saying that she's betraying her sister, to be clear... I was just thinking that, depending upon how her sister reacts when she learns that ducks involved herself in reestablishing the contact between her son and her ex... there may be some resentment, and I thought ducks would be concerned about risking the relationship she has with her sister...

I didn't think you were saying that (oh how complicated!) I just think that sisterly betrayal is so far down Ducks list of concerns it's barely worth mentioning.

She already feels her sister has acted badly and her nephew has missed out accordingly. My opinion of what she has written only.

footfootfoot · 11-26-2011, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZenGum

Of course, if Duck's nephew figures out dad is okay, the consequence is facing that maybe mum is not okay, else why did she say all that about dad.

Tricky, but children can only be sheltered from uncomfortable truths for so long.

We didn't realize who was "not okay" parent in my family until after my dad died and then we discovered that my mom was responsible for most of the bad press he got.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

...Ali - I agree with your Dad. Its why I never say anything about the boys Dad, even when they pull the whole "if I lived with my Dad ..."

We have a saying: "Yeah, and if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle. Now get the hell in there and clean up that room."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

haha...my kids used to pull that one on me till they actually did have to live with him for a couple of months. They were pretty happy to come home again I can tell you, and since then I've never heard another word about going to live with him.

ha ha ha!

DucksNuts · 11-26-2011, 03:29 PM

Jim - my sister and I aren't close at all, our relationship has been really strained for about 6 years..in fact we hadn't spoken for 4 years until earlier this year when Dad passed away. My 2 brothers won't speak to her at all because she's a selfish trollop.

I have been making an effort to mend my bridge with little results because if it isn't all about my sister, she's not interested.

I know she's going to be really pissed at me, but this for JS is more important. I tried to add her on Facebook a month ago, i txt her to say i added on her Facebook...no reply. Now JS' Dad has sent me a friend request...i didn't want to accept until i had everything right with JS.

JS is in his 20's, with a 5 yr old son who has learning and communication issues. He married his pregnant gf, but they separated 8 months later.

Zen - JS knows his Mother is the issue, he figured that out 3 years ago.

Families are so fucking complicated!!

jimhelm · 11-26-2011, 03:34 PM

WORD UP

TheMercenary · 11-27-2011, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

My sister will kill me, but I've been laying this foundation for the past few years and undoing all her damage.

This was sort of what I was thinking. She is still the mother and she has a say in the whole thing. Going behind her back may drive wedge between you and her, and a bigger one if there are already issues. Tread carefully. Playing matchmaker without her permission could have unintended consequences.

Edit: Just saw that JS is in his 20's. All bets are off. Get them together. Screw the sister.

zippyt · 11-27-2011, 03:52 PM

Screw the sister.

Thats what started this Whole mess !!!!!

Aliantha · 11-27-2011, 06:23 PM

Through the course of this thread, it has become clear to me how many people don't actually read all the posts before they respond. lol

eta: or even the OP!

11-26-2011, 03:10 AM	#17
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	haha...my kids used to pull that one on me till they actually did have to live with him for a couple of months. They were pretty happy to come home again I can tell you, and since then I've never heard another word about going to live with him. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-26-2011, 05:41 AM	#19
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Your sister will get over it. I think you're doing the right thing, especially to go along with JS for at least the first meeting. xx __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-26-2011, 09:03 AM	#20
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	So, ducks, for you the angst really comes from your feeling that youre betraying your sister, huh? __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

11-26-2011, 09:11 AM	#21
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	That's not how I read it. It's more about introducing a vulnerable young adult into a situation she can't control. And then if it goes wrong having to deal with her sister. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

11-26-2011, 10:06 AM	#22
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	I wasn't saying that she's betraying her sister, to be clear... I was just thinking that, depending upon how her sister reacts when she learns that ducks involved herself in reestablishing the contact between her son and her ex... there may be some resentment, and I thought ducks would be concerned about risking the relationship she has with her sister.... no judgement. it's a sticky wicket to be sure. __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

11-26-2011, 12:38 AM	#16
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	So, its going well so far. He's said he wants to see JS and then JS' son when the time is right. He just wants to word his daughter up first. She knows about JS, but I don't think JS knows about his half sister. He said if I thought the news would be better coming from me, he'd like me to tell him..or he would do it. I've said I won't say anything until after he has spoken to his daughter and she's ok with the whole thing. Ali - I agree with your Dad. Its why I never say anything about the boys Dad, even when they pull the whole "if I lived with my Dad ..."

11-26-2011, 05:36 AM	#18
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Well...JS and his Dad are catching up before Christmas. JS just wants me to come along initially. My sister will kill me, but I've been laying this foundation for the past few years and undoing all her damage.

11-26-2011, 10:17 AM	#23
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	How old is JS ?? if he's 5 i say get in touch with Mom i get the impression he's older , Oh Sis IS going to be Pissed that yer AllUp in her Bizzness (Been there ) but if JS is 18-20ish the you or he can tell her to shut up __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

11-26-2011, 03:29 PM	#26
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Jim - my sister and I aren't close at all, our relationship has been really strained for about 6 years..in fact we hadn't spoken for 4 years until earlier this year when Dad passed away. My 2 brothers won't speak to her at all because she's a selfish trollop. I have been making an effort to mend my bridge with little results because if it isn't all about my sister, she's not interested. I know she's going to be really pissed at me, but this for JS is more important. I tried to add her on Facebook a month ago, i txt her to say i added on her Facebook...no reply. Now JS' Dad has sent me a friend request...i didn't want to accept until i had everything right with JS. JS is in his 20's, with a 5 yr old son who has learning and communication issues. He married his pregnant gf, but they separated 8 months later. Zen - JS knows his Mother is the issue, he figured that out 3 years ago. Families are so fucking complicated!!

11-26-2011, 03:34 PM	#27
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	WORD UP __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

11-27-2011, 03:52 PM	#29
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Screw the sister. Thats what started this Whole mess !!!!! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

11-27-2011, 06:23 PM	#30
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Through the course of this thread, it has become clear to me how many people don't actually read all the posts before they respond. lol eta: or even the OP! __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

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