One Hundred Tiny Prizes

[Sundae]

This might be the last Christmas I have with my father AS my father.

So I am slowly trying to accrue a pile of presents for him and Mum.
Nothing expensive - for example one of Mum's will be a book of stamps. Which is how they're sold here, it's not a book about stamps! But she will use them because she's like me (or rather I'm like her) and likes to send things through the post.

Plan is to get lickle things every fortnight.

And then, on Christmas morning, give them a big bag of prizes to open. Like you had as a child every Christmas. We had real presents, which were under the tree and wouldn't be opened until we came back from Mass. But even when things were tough, we always had a stocking or a sack, sneaked into our room (which the three of us usually shared because there were rellies staying).
That is the magical feeling I want to recreate.

Sadly, it's harder to buy for Dad than Mum. His whole world has shrunk. He's lost interest and pleasure in so much. But I guess he'll get with the excitement regardless, in the same way a child will laugh at a joke they don't understand just because everyone else is laughing.

And I can make Mum happy.
So far I've bought her matching shampoo, conditioner and hair oil (see what I mean about tiny prizes?) shower gel, a biscuit tin and a face mask.
Dads has a book and an eggcup. The book is totes amazeballs though. Can't share in case I decide to get one for someone's Secret Santa.

I'll keep thee updated.

[limey]

Sounds like fun. The first Christmas after my dad left us we three kids put together a Santa sack of gifts for my mum and hung it on her bedroom doorknob to find on Christmas morning. She burst into tears ... in a good way ...

[BigV]

I can feel a swell of tears just reading these posts.

You're gonna have months of excitement!

[xoxoxoBruce]

The last couple of Christmases, my Dad had trouble opening packages that were properly wrapped. I wrapped all his gifts in tissue paper and put them in one box. Made it easy for him, but each gift was hidden until he peeled the tissue paper off.

[Sundae]

I hadn't thought of that, Bruce.
It would be a good idea for Dad.

I always over-wrap even for the able-fingered. Tissue paper will make so much more sense.

[Sundae]

Daddy's egg cup.
He might not remember, but I do - Uncle Ted (oldest brother) was a driver in Africa in WWII, and he was qualified to drive a tank. My father idolised him.

(I didn't buy from this website, but hey, may as well connect to them rather than steal their image).

And yes, Dads loves a soft-boiled egg for breakfast.
Thinking of getting Mum a corresponding egg-cuber. Because she likes her eggs poached, and manages that very well thank you. But she does like a boiled egg sarnie. And how much more convenient to have it square to the sides of the bread?

[xoxoxoBruce]

That's cool.

I always over-wrap even for the able-fingered.

After dinner (noon) at my grandmothers, my uncles and older cousins would all pull out their pocket knives to cut the scotch tape on gifts. If someone' knife wasn't sharp enough and accidently tore the paper, they would be the butt of jokes on Easter, the 4th of July, and the following Thanksgiving.

[Sundae]

Got my Vistaprint items through.
A notebook, notepad (as in paper, not electronic) and envelope stickers.
All the same theme, featuring ladybirds (ladybugs) as Mum has always considered them lucky.

She's never used stickers before, but I think she'll like them. They came highly discounted when buying the other items. It's a bit like the ubiquitous sales at DFS (British furnishing company). You always buy something you didn't intend to because you think it's a bargain. But I really do think she'll get a kick out of them.

Have to take a pic of the biscuit tin I bought her.
Carboot sale. But it's totes marvs. A revolving Christmas tree which plays a tune. Originally M&S, so it's made to last - even if she regifts it to the charity shop in the New Year. 50p!
It'll be the focal point in their room on Christmas Eve. Because it would be a waste to buy even a mini-tree.
And I will obviously fill with biscuits. Although they'll probably be bought from Otley market at a discount!

[monster]

You could maybe get a load of packing peanuts(polystyrene or biodegradable equivalent nuggety things) free from a store and bury very lightly wrapped gifts in them in a bag or a box if unwrapping might be an issue

[Sundae]

I think he'll be okay - and excited - with tissue paper this year.

But that's something I will mention to Mum for the future.
It's kind and exciting - bringing to mind bran tubs and lucky dips and all that.

His decline has been steep. He met Carruthers in December last year but had no idea who he was last week, even with prompting.
He doesn't know I spent two months in a mental health unit, but he does remember I "stole" his Bacardi in 2013 (I did drink it, I admit).

[Sundae]

Got my tissue paper through - bought from eBay because they sell Christmas things all year round and they're much cheaper in the Summer. Red with sheep for Mum, green with penguins for Dads. Very happy with it, means I don't have to label them, just wrap as I buy and I'll know who they're for even if I don't remember what they are!

Also, my most expensive present arrived - engraved tumbler.
It says Keep Calm Dads and Drink Whisky.
I know it's an overused theme, but it's of his time.

I found out AFTER I'd ordered it, that he mostly drinks Bacardi and pineapple now. Mum doesn't like him to have spirits, and he always used to drink whisky neat. So if he's had a good week she mixes him a small measure of white rum & pineapple juice on a Saturday night.

Ah well. He'll read the inscription, laugh and be pleased, and then forget what it says and who bought it. Maybe Mum will put it out for him in the mornings as a juice glass (orange, no alcoholic content!) She'll like it anyway.

So much easier to buy for Mum. So many tiny tiny prizes she will understand and love which are about thought not money.
Even if I put a lot of thought and effort into a present for Dad, he will "tidy it away" and/ or forget it, who bought it and why. Fuck dementia. Sideways.

Shouldn't have bought the glass. Should have just found some random items in the Pound Shop as it'll mean the same thing. But it won't. Not to me and not to Mum. To us that's like buying a generic card and not even writing a message in it (yeah, we're weird about cards - not those we receive, just those we give). And we still love him. I think we both have a lot of adjusting to do.

ANYWAY.
Hotel booked. Train tickets booked. Christmas Day trip down the Thames booked (oh, we're going to London, staying in a hotel Grandad once worked in). Mum has chosen a steakhouse for Christmas Eve dinner and we're lunching at the hotel.
All sounds wonderful. I just have to stay sane, sober, safe and remember she's ;osing her husband who has been in her life since he was before my father, if you get what I mean. I need to love her and look after her as much as him. And I don't mean by buying her presents.

[DanaC]

Hon - if it makes him smile and he gets a kick out of it, even if it's fleeting, then it's worth it. That he'll forget about it soon after just makes that moment of receiving and knowing all the more valuable.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Buy the stuff that strike your fancy and don't spend the next four months second guessing yourself.

[fargon]

What Dana and Bruce said.

[Sundae]

Really stalled on what to buy Dad.
Mum's list is already much longer (un-bought, so I can decide not to buy some).

I don't want to buy him "tat" as they'll have to get it back home, and Mum will have to dispose of it.
Yeah I know, over-thinking. I should have done this years back.

Will get Steven to do a recce and find out what toiletries he uses - I know he now has very sensitive skin. That way I can wrap things like talc*, shower gel etc separately, whereas I'll make Mum's into a bundle. He never was one to count presents I suppose, I realise I think of him as very childlike these days, even though he presents as an older slightly-befuddled man.

* I'd get him some anti-Monkey Butt Powder, one of my fave pressies ever (thanks Bruce) but he's so cold and dry most of the time. I was fat and sweaty at the time and it got me through TWO Summers, used sparingly!

Anyone who's been through dementia with parents (in the early to mid stages) have any ideas? He's not at the comfort-blanket stage, but I fear he's past the Newspaper from When You Were Born stage.