Adult friendships - Page 3

Cicero · 09-06-2008, 09:06 AM

I am such a loser! I have no friends. That's why you guys are blessed with my presence so often.

Clodfobble · 09-06-2008, 12:08 PM

There's more to it than that, UG. There is a fundamental shift in priorities that often the single friends have not experienced. It is not, for example, just looking at women in bars--it is buying big TVs and motorcycles when they could be paying down the mortgage (or even having a mortgage in the first place,) it is staying out late and scoffing at the excuse that there is someone at home waiting for the married guy...

glatt · 09-06-2008, 03:50 PM

There's nothing in common any more.

regular.joe · 09-06-2008, 04:49 PM

Wow, I have skipped this thread for so long. I had no idea what it was about. Does anyone else do that? Only to find out it is one of the threads I should have been reading all along. Threads are turning out to be a little bit like people, and friends.

HungLikeJesus · 09-06-2008, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by regular.joe

Wow, I have skipped this thread for so long. I had no idea what it was about. Does anyone else do that? Only to find out it is one of the threads I should have been reading all along. Threads are turning out to be a little bit like people, and friends.

I think the good threads, or those that evolve into good threads, should somehow be flagged. That would save us a lot of time with the bad ones.

Juniper · 09-06-2008, 10:39 PM

Yet again, life demonstrates why I have no friends IRL.

I invited my friend J. over with her daughter, who is my daughter's age, to have a cookout and swim today. This was planned a week ago, for this afternoon. Well, she never called, which isn't a big deal, I just assumed it wasn't happening. Not like I went out and bought steaks and sat by the phone. But she just called a little while ago saying why she got busy...hell, I was busy too, today wasn't a good day for us either. Tomorrow's out. Next weekend is booked too. The weekend after that as well.

It's sad that my life is so busy I haven't got time to get together with my friends. It's doubly sad that even if I did have time, they wouldn't.

Seriously. There are a lot of ladies I meet that I think might be good candidates for a real friendship, but when the hell can we do anything about it? "How 'bout Friday?" "No, we have soccer...Sunday afternoon?" "No, we're going to my in-laws. Tuesday night?" "No, that's our scout meeting." Etc., etc., etc.

Yet...

THE MEN ALWAYS FIND TIME. Why is that?

xoxoxoBruce · 09-06-2008, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

There's nothing in common any more.

Oh there's plenty in common, but the married guys aren't allowed to even think it.

Juniper · 09-07-2008, 12:45 AM

My hubby has always been friends with single guys as well as the married ones. Divorced ones, too, and even a poly guy with two "wives" in the mix. Why not? A friend is a friend. I don't understand why anyone would stop an active friendship based on changing marital status; I wouldn't want him to, because I care about his friends as well.

We do have two friends however who apparently are no longer permitted to spend time with their old friends, since they got married - not just the single ones, but the married ones too. I have no idea how their wives pulled that off; now the only people they hang out with are HER friends. Really made me lose respect for those spineless saps. Good riddance, I guess.

I think women have a harder time with their single friends than men do. From my own experience, nothing changed after the wedding - it is all about having children. Once you have kids, you're tied down and often can only manage to spend time with other women who have kids the same age, so the kids can play together while moms socialize. Even if someone else is watching the kids, honestly, that becomes all that a mom has on the brain - at least for the first few years - and it gets awfully tiring for single ladies to sit and listen to someone yammer about diapers and breastfeeding and preschool. I know, I've been on both sides.

I am still guilty of this. My kids are 10 and 12 and I still have trouble going for any length of time without mentioning them in a conversation; I'll manage to find a way to fit them in. Life just isn't the same after you have children.

LabRat · 09-09-2008, 10:05 AM

You know, I was composing a big ole long reply, then it hit me.

The Cellar is a lot like school in some ways. When we were kids, the other kids (in public schools) came from all kinds of different family situations, backgrounds, experiences, etc. much like here.

I think what keeps most of us here. The variety like we had back then. You learn new tricks from some, find common interests with others, butt heads with a few.

I have tried to expand my real life circle of friends, but adult responsibilities are freaking time consuming.

I do not nor have I had a 'best friend' in a long, long time. (spouse excluded) But I have gotten to know a couple dwellars at least as well if not better than some of my RL 'friends' through chatting/IMing with them. We may not have seen each other face to face, but they would make the list if I was enumerating my friendships. In fact, some I have discussed personal issues with that I have not with RL 'friends'.

Shit, I talk to YOU people more than any of them, lol. (again, spouse excluded. We talk about you.)

Clodfobble · 09-09-2008, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat

(again, spouse excluded. We talk about you.)

Us, too. He may not post or even lurk, but I tell him all about what's going on.

Flint · 09-09-2008, 12:59 PM

There is a special kind of single guy that can be a couple friend. He's like a little brother who comes over for home-cooked meals. Sure, now that we have kids we don't stay out as late, or have as much fun; but there's something about the warm glow of the family homestead that the special single-guy friend just loves to be a part of.

Trilby · 09-09-2008, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

There is a special kind of single guy that can be a couple friend. He's like a little brother who comes over for home-cooked meals. Sure, now that we have kids we don't stay out as late, or have as much fun; but there's something about the warm glow of the family homestead that the special single-guy friend just loves to be a part of.

We both know that is dangerously close to a Jack Handy moment.

LabRat · 09-09-2008, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

the warm glow of the family homestead that

Riiiiiiiight.

We have a 'special friend' that joins us for our homestead's glow every now and then too.

::wink wink::

::nudge nudge::

lookout123 · 09-09-2008, 02:16 PM

Big Red · 09-09-2008, 04:21 PM

I must be working to much away from the homestead's.
Alot happens when your not home. HMM

09-06-2008, 09:06 AM	#31
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	I am such a loser! I have no friends. That's why you guys are blessed with my presence so often. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

09-06-2008, 12:08 PM	#32
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	There's more to it than that, UG. There is a fundamental shift in priorities that often the single friends have not experienced. It is not, for example, just looking at women in bars--it is buying big TVs and motorcycles when they could be paying down the mortgage (or even having a mortgage in the first place,) it is staying out late and scoffing at the excuse that there is someone at home waiting for the married guy... __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

09-06-2008, 04:49 PM	#34
regular.joe Старый сержант Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: NC, dreaming of large Russian women. Posts: 1,464	Wow, I have skipped this thread for so long. I had no idea what it was about. Does anyone else do that? Only to find out it is one of the threads I should have been reading all along. Threads are turning out to be a little bit like people, and friends. __________________ Birth, wealth, and position are valueless during wartime. Man is only judged by his character --Soldier's Testament. Death, like birth, is a secret of Nature. - Marcus Aurelius.

09-09-2008, 10:05 AM	#39
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	You know, I was composing a big ole long reply, then it hit me. The Cellar is a lot like school in some ways. When we were kids, the other kids (in public schools) came from all kinds of different family situations, backgrounds, experiences, etc. much like here. I think what keeps most of us here. The variety like we had back then. You learn new tricks from some, find common interests with others, butt heads with a few. I have tried to expand my real life circle of friends, but adult responsibilities are freaking time consuming. I do not nor have I had a 'best friend' in a long, long time. (spouse excluded) But I have gotten to know a couple dwellars at least as well if not better than some of my RL 'friends' through chatting/IMing with them. We may not have seen each other face to face, but they would make the list if I was enumerating my friendships. In fact, some I have discussed personal issues with that I have not with RL 'friends'. Shit, I talk to YOU people more than any of them, lol. (again, spouse excluded. We talk about you.) __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within.

09-09-2008, 12:59 PM	#41
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	There is a special kind of single guy that can be a couple friend. He's like a little brother who comes over for home-cooked meals. Sure, now that we have kids we don't stay out as late, or have as much fun; but there's something about the warm glow of the family homestead that the special single-guy friend just loves to be a part of. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-06-2008, 03:50 PM	#33
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	There's nothing in common any more.

09-06-2008, 10:39 PM	#36
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	Yet again, life demonstrates why I have no friends IRL. I invited my friend J. over with her daughter, who is my daughter's age, to have a cookout and swim today. This was planned a week ago, for this afternoon. Well, she never called, which isn't a big deal, I just assumed it wasn't happening. Not like I went out and bought steaks and sat by the phone. But she just called a little while ago saying why she got busy...hell, I was busy too, today wasn't a good day for us either. Tomorrow's out. Next weekend is booked too. The weekend after that as well. It's sad that my life is so busy I haven't got time to get together with my friends. It's doubly sad that even if I did have time, they wouldn't. Seriously. There are a lot of ladies I meet that I think might be good candidates for a real friendship, but when the hell can we do anything about it? "How 'bout Friday?" "No, we have soccer...Sunday afternoon?" "No, we're going to my in-laws. Tuesday night?" "No, that's our scout meeting." Etc., etc., etc. Yet... THE MEN ALWAYS FIND TIME. Why is that?

09-07-2008, 12:45 AM	#38
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	My hubby has always been friends with single guys as well as the married ones. Divorced ones, too, and even a poly guy with two "wives" in the mix. Why not? A friend is a friend. I don't understand why anyone would stop an active friendship based on changing marital status; I wouldn't want him to, because I care about his friends as well. We do have two friends however who apparently are no longer permitted to spend time with their old friends, since they got married - not just the single ones, but the married ones too. I have no idea how their wives pulled that off; now the only people they hang out with are HER friends. Really made me lose respect for those spineless saps. Good riddance, I guess. I think women have a harder time with their single friends than men do. From my own experience, nothing changed after the wedding - it is all about having children. Once you have kids, you're tied down and often can only manage to spend time with other women who have kids the same age, so the kids can play together while moms socialize. Even if someone else is watching the kids, honestly, that becomes all that a mom has on the brain - at least for the first few years - and it gets awfully tiring for single ladies to sit and listen to someone yammer about diapers and breastfeeding and preschool. I know, I've been on both sides. I am still guilty of this. My kids are 10 and 12 and I still have trouble going for any length of time without mentioning them in a conversation; I'll manage to find a way to fit them in. Life just isn't the same after you have children.

09-09-2008, 02:16 PM	#44
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	__________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

09-09-2008, 04:21 PM	#45
Big Red Fresh Incumbent Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Iowa Posts: 28	I must be working to much away from the homestead's. Alot happens when your not home. HMM

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