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Old 04-27-2018, 04:24 PM   #1
be-bop
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Families dont you love them

Well itís finally happened due to circumstances I have had to get back into regular contact with my Mother, you may or may not remember previous posts by me about how I walked away from her due to her alcoholism.
My Mother has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and sheís fading quite fast, she has good days and bad days although a lot of days seem to be the latter, Iím a complete mess with conflicting emotions at the moment due to walking away some years ago and now having to deal with watching her fade out.
My youngest daughter wants to see her gran before she dies but wonít go down to my sisters where my mother is living due to reasons that Iím not going into here so I suggested that I brought my mother to my house so my daughter can see her.
This has not gone down well with my wife who remembers the shit we used to have to go through with my mothers drinking and behaviour in the past and doesnít want to have anything to do with the visit, wonít be in the house and is very unlikely to attend any future funeral.
Iím so fed up at the moment due to the stress of the situation and trying to deal with everything and everyoneís emotions and bad feeling due to my family history with my mother and how she treated me and my wife.
Hey Iím only trying to do my best for everybody in a difficult situation but as usual I canít do right for doing wrong
Families donít you love them?
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Old 04-27-2018, 04:35 PM   #2
xoxoxoBruce
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She reaps what she sowed. Could you take the daughter and pick up your mother for a day outing?
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Old 04-27-2018, 04:36 PM   #3
glatt
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What distances are involved?

Can you meet for a meal somewhere?
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Old 04-27-2018, 06:34 PM   #4
monster
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Definitely meet somewhere else. It seems like more than a day might be involved in case the day you pick is a bad day for your mum? Could you all check into a hotel in a neutral (and maybe scenic to give you something to "do" while you meet) place? If an overnight stay is needed and financially a struggle, let us know.
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Old 04-28-2018, 04:10 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by be-bop View Post
Hey Iím only trying to do my best for everybody in a difficult situation but as usual I canít do right for doing wrong.
Families donít you love them?
That's all you can do.

And, no.

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Old 04-28-2018, 04:32 PM   #6
be-bop
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Hi thanks for the suggestions, however the way my mothers health is at the moment I doubt she would be comfortable in a restaurant also I thought if my daughter got upset getting upset in a home environment would be easier than in the middle of a public place,
It's only going to be a couple of hours and then I will drive her back to my sisters and I'll continue visiting her on my own.
I just needed to get some of this shit off my chest and even posting this and sharing it helped

Thanks for taking the time to read and post back it does help
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Old 04-28-2018, 08:15 PM   #7
xoxoxoBruce
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Bop, whatever you decide to do, make sure you're comfortable with it FOR YOU, and let the devil take the hindmost.
You can bring them both to my house.
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Old 05-04-2018, 01:23 PM   #8
Pete Zicato
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I agree with Bruce. You should take them to his house.
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Old 05-27-2018, 05:15 AM   #9
be-bop
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Well all the content in my previous post doesn't mean anything now, my Mother passed away on Friday 25th.
She had to go into a Hospice as care for her at my sisters was not enough even with carers coming in to help my sister.
My mother in her last days seemed to be at peace with the situation and she seemed to revert to the mother I had before the drink got a hold of her.
I still feel guilty about walking away when I did and I keep thinking of what might have been if she only sought some help with her problem, but that's ifs and buts now.
My daughter saw her and said her goodbyes and I'm pleased she had the courage to do that.
I didn't think It would hurt as much as it does but I'm told it gets easier in time,
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Old 05-27-2018, 06:41 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by be-bop View Post
Well all the content in my previous post doesn't mean anything now, my Mother passed away on Friday 25th.

She had to go into a Hospice as care for her at my sisters was not enough even with carers coming in to help my sister.

My mother in her last days seemed to be at peace with the situation and she seemed to revert to the mother I had before the drink got a hold of her.

I still feel guilty about walking away when I did and I keep thinking of what might have been if she only sought some help with her problem, but that's ifs and buts now.

My daughter saw her and said her goodbyes and I'm pleased she had the courage to do that.

I didn't think It would hurt as much as it does but I'm told it gets easier in time,


Oh I am so sorry, be-bop! It is hard to lose a parent, and especially when the relationship has not been an easy one. You did the best you could at the time, so please try to let go of any regrets, ifs and buts.
It is very early days yet. Let yourself feel the grief and loss, and the good memories will resurface in time, Iím sure,to comfort you. X


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Old 05-27-2018, 06:43 AM   #11
Clodfobble
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Sorry be-bop.
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Old 05-27-2018, 07:17 AM   #12
glatt
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Sorry be-bop. Be kind to yourself.

She is the one who drove you away.
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Old 05-27-2018, 09:23 AM   #13
Griff
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Peace.
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Old 05-27-2018, 12:40 PM   #14
BigV
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Hi be-bop.

Sorry to hear the sad news. I think you sound right on track, especially two things:

1 -- Your daughter having the courage to say her goodbyes, that's a big thing. I speak from personal experience. Good for you to help and good for her.

2 -- It does get easier with time.

Take care of yourself, and your family. Be kind, give yourself a break, you're doing ok, you're gonna be ok.
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Old 05-27-2018, 03:28 PM   #15
Dude111
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce
She reaps what she sowed. Could you take the daughter and pick up your mother for a day outing?
Yea that sounds like a good idea!
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