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Old 08-02-2017, 02:02 PM   #1666
DanaC
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I doubt very much that this is a case of Münchhausen - I suspect it is more a case of inaccurate or outdated diagnoses for a range of complex and overlapping health issues.


Here's the thing though - if someone does have Munchhausen syndrome - then that is real to them. That is, in itself, a problem that person has to deal with.

Everybody's cross weighs heavy for them. The fact somebody else is carrying a bigger cross doesn't change that. That you have friends coping with serious illness does not negate the fact that someone else is stressed by their own shit. And that is what this thread is for.

And as for this:

Quote:
She had the same option with me!
Bit different - her posts about her illness were not directed at you, they weren't designed to challenge you - they were just someone venting about stuff getting them down.

You find that person's shit irritating and so you launched a challenge.

But here's the thing- if your life has been bounded by illness it is difficult for that not to become a defining part of who you are. You carry it with you. When someone challenges those diagnoses that you were given, rightly or wrongly, it can feel like a very personal attack, because it is effectively an assault on part of your self-identity.

I have experienced that - where i have found myself feeling like I needed to defend my illness and my diagnoses, to justify that part of my self identity when it was under 'attack'.

It serves no purpose whatsoever getting on snake's case- all you've achieved is making her feel shit and like she's under attack - for what gain?
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Last edited by DanaC; 08-02-2017 at 02:08 PM.
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Old 08-02-2017, 02:11 PM   #1667
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I'm sure we'll all feel much better once we've got the make-up sex underway.
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Old 08-02-2017, 03:01 PM   #1668
DanaC
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Actually, one last quick point then I'm done and we can get busy with more pleasant endeavors...

The purpose of this thread, as I understand it, is to provide a space for people to vent about shit that is pissing them off. When someone is wanting to vent - that is usually, in my experience, the least welcome time for suggestions on how to fix the problem.

Helpful suggestions, or someone try to reframe your issue in a less negative light, or offers of new information that may contradict some of what you are experiencing clashes with the venting frame of mind in a really unhelpful way.

Rather than welcoming the new input, that input feels more like a threat or
attack on the validity of your suffering. That can put your back up, make you feel attacked or dismissed, make you feel combative, and suddenly we're in a confrontation.

The person venting seems to be defending their problems, fighting off any attempt to make things better - so clearly they must want to feel shit - they must want their trouble to continue - which then becomes irritating as fuck to the person listening to them vent, and steadfastly refuse to listen to reason, or take on board helpful suggestions. Which puts their back up. Maybe makes them feel hurt or rebuffed. So they are combative, and now disbelieving of the other person's pain, because clearly they are choosing to hold it tight and protect it.

And now we're having a major fucking row.


I see this happen so often. I've been on both sides of the equation. If someone wants to vent, just let them vent. Chances are, they are not wanting you to fix their problem. Not because they like their problem, but because at that time their intention is to express what has happened/is happening not to seek solutions. When the focus is output, input can be difficult to accept.
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Last edited by DanaC; 08-02-2017 at 03:15 PM.
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Old 08-02-2017, 10:47 PM   #1669
xoxoxoBruce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertoad View Post
Bullying!? I'll make you a deal, if you bullied shawnee out of here, I bullied Snake out...



She had the same option with me!
Shawnee only received return fire, but she just underestimated my artillery... several times. She should have learned after the first time... or second... or third.

Reading the latest medical research findings, even from just reliable sources, the understanding of how the body works and interacts with shit, changes constantly. But what they are usually doing is further refining what they already know happens, to the whys, wherefores, and exceptions.

In 1800 they knew a heavy weigh dropped on your head would kill you.
In 1900 they knew what happens in your head when it kills you.
In 2000 they know hundreds of electrical, chemical, and physical happening when it kills you.

Someone suffering from long time troubles, even if some are psychosomatic, or they've learned just the rudiments of causation, even if they are wrong about the cause, it still fucking hurts. All the scientific links that say it shouldn't don't help a bit.

I've been through this with my doctor. Fortunately we have great respect for each other which allows for this conversation.
It hurts.
The condition you have shouldn't cause that to hurt.
But it hurts anyway.
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Old 08-02-2017, 11:25 PM   #1670
sexobon
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OTOH, sometimes it's not the venting that rubs people the wrong way; but, the perception that it's being sensationalized. Whether intended or not, it can come across that way.
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Old 08-02-2017, 11:32 PM   #1671
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3 page tail post removed. I hate when that happens.

It pisses me off, actually
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Old 08-02-2017, 11:36 PM   #1672
xoxoxoBruce
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But this is the thread for venting and no member is required reading... except elspode.
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Old 08-02-2017, 11:43 PM   #1673
sexobon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim View Post
Last edited by lumberjim; 08-02-2017 at 11:38 PM.
Honest to God, I was getting ready to quote your original content just to say "FTW".
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Old 08-02-2017, 11:50 PM   #1674
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Gravdgr said the same thing. Use his post
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Old 08-02-2017, 11:54 PM   #1675
sexobon
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I'm not in the mood anymore. Your editing pissed me off.
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Old 08-03-2017, 07:47 AM   #1676
Undertoad
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One stinking sentence.

She left after one stinking sentence from me.

All I'd previously done was ask a few questions. Reasonable questions. I think I asked her about three reasonable questions the whole time she was here. (Which IIRC she successfully ignored until someone else prompted her?)

So it must have been very important for her to protect her right to misery.

Or her right to victimhood, but you take it for whatever you think.

One stinking sentence. (It wasn't even that bad.) And not only does she leave, she emails me and asks me to delete her account, and then asks to be banned. To me that's a huge tell!

Bullying. One stinking sentence. Good fuckin' lord. Does anyone remember what this place was like before, oh, say 2012?
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Old 08-03-2017, 08:36 AM   #1677
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You want I should crack some skulls and remind them, boss?
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Old 08-03-2017, 09:02 AM   #1678
DanaC
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Actually it was 3x posts by you. First pointing out that she was wrong - because smoke is an irritant not an allergen. Then a second confirming the above - after Snake got a little irritated by your assertion which contradicted what she understood about her condition, then when your confirmation of that assertion was also met with an irritated response, you made a third post - this combined with other people making similar points made it seem like a pile on.

But hey - let's not all fight about this. Worse things happen at sea and all that.
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Old 08-03-2017, 09:37 AM   #1679
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If pointing out that people are wrong is wrong, I'm out!

One more thing. The idea that this is a thread where people just rant and we can't reply was never a thing.

That is ex post facto!

(which is in turn a terrible pun)
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Old 08-03-2017, 09:47 AM   #1680
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If I am ever wrong, I want people to steer me in the right direction.

Throwing a rope to someone in a hole is recommended and is not the same as throwing a boulder on top of them. I think UT threw a rope, but snake felt like it was a boulder. Who is wrong in that situation? I'd say nobody.

Some people would say you are supposed to climb down into the hole with the person and keep them company, but while I understand where they are coming from, I am skeptical. It might be appreciated, but who does it help?
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