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08-31-2013, 10:03 PM
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#4906 |
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Back in 10
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
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*
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Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. |
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08-31-2013, 11:12 PM
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#4907 |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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Oh HALE no! That is so funny!
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09-02-2013, 03:06 PM
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#4908 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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This one is kinda like a Far Side strip.
__________________
 These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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09-05-2013, 03:15 PM
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#4909 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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__________________
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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09-12-2013, 07:24 PM
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#4910 |
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The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Snicker.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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09-12-2013, 07:47 PM
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#4911 |
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shed door curio
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 406
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25 Signs You Are Getting Old
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 a.m . is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6.You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.” 8.You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.” 10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You take naps. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good sh!t.” 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.” 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh sh!t what the hell!” |
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09-12-2013, 07:52 PM
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#4912 | |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods
Posts: 6,402
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Quote:
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09-12-2013, 08:26 PM
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#4913 |
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shed door curio
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 406
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I am a senior citizen...
- I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm. - I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. - I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. - I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid... - I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go. - I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. - I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. - I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over. - I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. - I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care. - I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians... - I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet. - I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. - I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg. - I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh... - I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. - I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less. - I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days. - I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory. - I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom. |
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09-17-2013, 10:09 PM
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#4914 |
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I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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Where does a King keep his armies?
in his sleevies!
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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09-23-2013, 05:14 PM
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#4915 |
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shed door curio
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 406
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Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.” Man: “So, wanna go back to my place ?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” |
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09-28-2013, 09:18 PM
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#4916 |
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The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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A group of doctors were out duck hunting, when a large bird flew overhead.
The family doctor raised his gun, but then lowered his gun saying "I am not sure that is a duck." The Psychiatrist raised his gun, but then lowered it again saying “I know it's a duck, but I'm not sure that it knows it's a duck." The surgeon raises his gun and blasts the bird out of the sky, then turns to the pathologist and says "Go see if that was a duck."
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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09-29-2013, 01:47 AM
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#4917 |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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That is so special.
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09-29-2013, 11:58 AM
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#4918 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Bless his heart.
__________________
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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09-30-2013, 01:38 PM
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#4919 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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__________________
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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09-30-2013, 01:39 PM
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#4920 | |
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To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Quote:
"I don't know, do you watch porn?"
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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