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Old 01-22-2011, 07:11 AM   #16
Trilby
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um...what is the other CBT?
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


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Old 01-22-2011, 07:54 AM   #17
Griff
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Originally Posted by Clodfobble View Post
Maybe get the partial temporal lobe seizure thing ruled out first, just to be sure. People with seizures are also prone to depression, and I can tell you right now that being on low levels of anti-seizure meds (Trileptal, specifically) makes me feel freaking fantastic.
My Dad gets super upbeat and talkative on his anti-seizure med.
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:09 AM   #18
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I used to take Lexapro. I took a depression survey, while on it. IIRC, most people score an 8, people on Lexapro score a 14, I scored a 24. That's when I was switched to generic Prozac, with a kicker of folic acid (I think). I guess I feel good. Worst thing is that I look at something and think "I should do this", then I think "fuck it, Imma gonna play scramble on facebook". And I know I shouldn't be doing it.
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:32 AM   #19
skysidhe
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Magnesium Malate is good for what ails you.

oh and reading some descriptions of the antidepressants you are taking, seems science has come a long way. I am glad they are working. Especially interesting are the anti anxiety meds. I am glad to know you have had such dramatic results SG.

My son who works on his anxiety in alternate fashion cannot take them, as he has a bad reaction to them. He thinks therapists are are a waste of time and has his own CBT workbooks to work through any anxiety, by changing the way his body wants to react to stress.

As long as there is focussed routine it works pretty well.
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:45 AM   #20
footfootfoot
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I eat very health consciously, exercise, take yoga, meditate, and have done CBT. I've never had suicidal thoughts until recently. My feeling about suicide is it's like walking out of a movie before it's over. When watching movies, I generally like to give the film/film maker the benefit of the doubt and wait to see how it ends, maybe they pull it together before the end. You don't know until then.

CBT has always been a problem for me since I have eyt to meet a therapist that wasn't either more fucked up than me, or nowhere near as smart as me and thus unable to realize that I am playing them. The worst is when I've seen therapists who make the mistake of confusing depression with stupidity. I don't really have much faith in CBT, after about 15 therapists over the past 25 years, I doubt I'll find one who will be helpful. Not to mention the cost.

My depression was diagnosed as Dysthymia. For me, what should take about five minutes, e.g. Go downstairs and get the board, measure it, cut it, and bring it back upstairs and nail it in place, takes about a half an hour or longer with a significant amount of time spent standing there thinking about having to go all the way downstairs and get the board... Sometimes I'll just get as far as going and getting the board and deciding I will measure it tomorrow.

I will load the washing machine and wash the clothes, then dry them. The dry clothes will then sit in the basket for weeks. If I do the laundry, then I probably won't be able to do anything else, like shave or sew a button on my shirt. It comes on so slowly that I don't even notice it until I find I am not returning important phone calls or emails, taking all day to get one sink of dishes washed, etc.

It's kind of fucked up.

Lately, and for the first time in my life, I have begun to feel that my family would be better off without me around. This is not the dominant thought, but it has begun to show up and that gives me concern. That and being unable to accomplish even the most insignificant tasks.

A friend with many years of sobriety in AA told me that his sponsor said to him "A lot of people will say 'I drink because my life is a mess' I suggest they flip the causality; there life is a mess because they drink."

So, for a long time I was feeling I'm depressed because of x,y,z in my life, and my friend asked me if it were possible that x,y,z were in my life because I was depressed.

In any case, I'm seeing my Doc first thing Monday am.

And thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:02 AM   #21
Griff
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Take care brother.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:07 AM   #22
skysidhe
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I am sorry this is happening to you foot. It is frustrating and maybe the frustration in it'self leads to a spiraling down. You seem to be funny and smart and you are needed by so many people. Here too! Keep your head up and just know there is light at the end of what seems like a long dark tunnel.

I am glad you are going to see your doctor on Monday. I know he will give you something to get you back on your feet. I hope he can prescribe something to elevate your mood a bit. When you are having such a bad time, I would not stand in anyones way by getting the medications that would help them feel better. It's just about what works for the individual.

Talking about mood elevators. I tried this product called, Sam-e once for joint pain but the "UP" jolt I got from it made me feel anxious. I could imagine that for someone who is down a mood enhancer like this might benefit. The word is that many people find it helps with their mood. I don't know.

Be well foot
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:24 AM   #23
Spexxvet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
Lately, and for the first time in my life, I have begun to feel that my family would be better off without me around. This is not the dominant thought, but it has begun to show up and that gives me concern.
I get that, too. It's not an active thought to off myself, more like a thought that if I were to die in a car accident, it would be no big thing.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:38 AM   #24
skysidhe
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I think you have something here foot. Maybe you are having mini sezures all of the time. Make the doctor check it out!


I know that sounds bossy.


Quote:
Symptoms

The symptoms felt by the person, and the signs observable by others, during seizures which begin in the temporal lobe depend upon the specific regions of the temporal lobe and neighboring brain areas affected by the seizure. The International Classification of Epileptic Seizures published in 1981 by the International League Against Epilepsy (ILAE) recognizes three types of seizures which persons with TLE may experience.[24]
Simple Partial Seizures (SPS) involve small areas of the temporal lobe such as the amygdala or the hippocampus. The term "simple" means that consciousness is not altered. In temporal lobe epilepsy SPS usually only cause sensations. These sensations may be mnestic such as déjà vu (a feeling of familiarity), jamais vu (a feeling of unfamiliarity), a specific single or set of memories, or amnesia. The sensations may be auditory such as a sound or tune, gustatory such as a taste, or olfactory such as a smell that is not physically present. Sensations can also be visual, involve feelings on the skin or in the internal organs. The latter feelings may seem to move over the body. Psychic sensations can occur such as an out-of-body feeling. Dysphoric or euphoric feelings, fear, anger, and other sensations can also occur during SPS. Often, it is hard for persons with SPS of TLE to describe the feeling. SPS are often called "auras" by lay persons who mistake them for a warning sign of a subsequent seizure. In fact, they are indeed seizures. Persons experiencing only SPS may not recognize what they are or seek medical advice about them. SPS may or may not progress to the seizure types listed below.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:57 AM   #25
Perry Winkle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juniper View Post
Truthfully I think I'm bipolar. I had kind of a manic episode last August and while I can see why some people actually *like* them, I found it extremely unsettling. Of course, it could just be my age and the hormone thing. Damn, we're so complicated.
Note: I'm not a doctor. This is not medical advice you should rely on. I'm just speaking from my pool of amateur knowledge and experience as a patient.

If you are bipolar, you don't want to take just an anti-depressant. That can send you into a serious and prolonged mania.

The textbook way to treat bipolar is to combine a mood stabilizer and antidepressant. The way I look at it is the mood stabilizer puts a cap on your highs and lows, then the antidepressant minimizes the lows.
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Old 01-22-2011, 10:05 AM   #26
Trilby
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foot - allow me to add my voice to the choir: I am VERY glad you are going to see your doc on Monday. Maybe print out what you wrote up there and hand it to him/her?

You sound more than dysthymic IMHO. can you wait until monday??
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
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Old 01-22-2011, 10:20 AM   #27
Undertoad
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I am quite wary of anti-depressants on the whole. I think they are often prescribed to people who are not actually suffering from the kinds of depression that the drugs are meant to tackle. That's probably where a lot of the horror stories of people getting worse on meds come from.
This is a very common statement and I'm here to tell you that, for the people who truly don't need them, anti-depression meds do nothing.

The horror stories come from people who are given the wrong drug for their condition, i.e., someone given antidepressants, who really needs a mood stabilizer, is likely to get much worse.

Also, since everyone's brains are different, it often takes a little trial and error to find the right med and the right dosage. For a while I was having side effects at a higher dosage - so I took a lower amount and was fine. Then I went to an even lower dosage, and the anxiety illness came back.
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:45 AM   #28
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I feel similar sometimes, foot. In all those ways. There are days I just can't seem to get a damn thing done. I've got this writing business, but I can't make myself do what I need to market myself, and if I do get a gig I put it off till I'm apologizing and making excuses, always getting it done just at the very tail end of their time allotment--when I used to be known as Ms. Quick Turnaround. I just finished one yesterday and it was like *torture* to do it - granted, it was about stocks & 401k's and such . . . but still!

And this house! I keep thinking that I'm unmotivated because I hate the house. But I don't hate it, it's just overwhelming. I can't keep up with housework. I stay home so I can keep on top of things and take care of my family and maybe do some home improvement stuff but it's just so HAAAAARD.

Then I feel terrible about myself because I never do a damn thing, I tell myself I'm so lazy, I'm a loser, my husband ought to just kick me out and find a better wife and mother for our kids. Worse yet sometimes I SAY that and get everybody upset, then I feel bad about myself for doing that too. Ugh.

I felt great about myself when I was in school, but it wasn't perfect because all I was doing was putting off the other stuff so I could focus on the one important thing in my life just then, the school stuff, and of course there was immediate feedback telling me I did good, yes I was actually good at something, and I figured that even though I was letting my family down it was only for a little while longer . . . but even then I felt terribly selfish.

Yeah, I need help. Last time I went to a therapist he was a complete blithering idiot. Hard to believe any of them aren't, at this point. We get counseling free through hubby's work, but that's where the idiot came from. You get what you pay for, eh?
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:48 AM   #29
DanaC
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@ UT: *nods* that sounds about right. Most of my experience with anti-depressants comes from well over a decade ago. I suspect that things have moved on since then. How depression is diagnosed, understanding of different causes and types, recognition of the complex brain chemistry involved and so forth has all progressed since the initial prozac/seroxat flurry.

Long time since I went and got a catch-all diagnosis of 'clinical depression'. I went looking at wiki pages to figure out what that condition Foot listed, and found something that sounds so very like my experience that it could easily fit as a diagnosis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:56 AM   #30
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What are you on now?
Weed and alcohol. And occasionally, sex. The weed and the alcohol work ok.

The sex works real good.
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