Cheating

DucksNuts · 07-02-2006, 05:25 AM

I have been pondering this for awhile and was a little surprised when it was bought up amongst a group of people and there were mixed opinions.

So, I thought, who better to tell it to me like it is than you guys.

What do you class as cheating? Is it just the physical aspect or the emotional as well? What about internet interference??? is it only cheating if you actually meet someone you have been chatting to online (whilst involved with someone else) or it is once you form an emotional bond with that online person ?? If you have feelings for someone online and never act on them...is that cheating?

My ex had cant-keep-his-dick-in-his-pant-itis and he would cheat just the hell of cheating and an easy lay, but he would also do the long term affair type.....that sounds like I was stupid and stuck around...I didnt, as soon as I found out I left....but I was stupid in the fact that it happened for quite awhile before I found out.

anonymousfornow · 07-02-2006, 07:51 AM

Intent. I am trying not to be jaded, but it is difficult when every man I have ever loved has cheated. Personally the emotional aspect is more damaging to me than the physical aspect but I consider them both as bad.

Ibby · 07-02-2006, 08:10 AM

My girlfriend, who I may have mentioned is 7838.56 miles away from me right now, apparently has (and has admitted to having) a crush on a mutual friend. I'm not happy but I wont fault her for it until I know she has done something. She still says she loves me more than anything else, and that its just a little thing, etc, and I believe her. As long as she's happy...

I guess intent matters a lot, but weigh the action against how you really feel about the person.

MaggieL · 07-02-2006, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

What do you class as cheating? Is it just the physical aspect or the emotional as well? What about internet interference??? is it only cheating if you actually meet someone you have been chatting to online (whilst involved with someone else) or it is once you form an emotional bond with that online person ?? If you have feelings for someone online and never act on them...is that cheating?

Perhaps this rhetorical question (to yourself) will help you clarify how you feel:

"Is what matters to you about a relationship only the physicality, or do the emotions matter too?"

I've been in polyamorus relationships before, and may perhaps sometimes again. I'll assert that it's not impossible at all to love more than one person at a time, nor impossible to deal with the situation of loving somebody who also loves others. But not everybody's ready to handle the additional energy and complexity such relationships consume, nor are even people who *can* do it necessarily prepared to do it at all times. Sometimes you just don't have the slack.

That said, no matter what number of intimate relationships--online *or* in person-- you're prepared to undertake, absolute honesty with all your partners is paramount.

Absent that, it's cheating.

AlternateGray · 07-02-2006, 10:36 AM

Emotional is worse. To me, anyways. Then again, I used to be a romantic.

Cyberflirting, or even cybersex, doesn't trip my wire, I don't know why. It's all fantasy. As soon as it stops being that (e.g., making arrangements to meet, professing love, serious interest, etc.) there's a problem. Of course, with most people, the former is going to evolve into the latter, so...

xoxoxoBruce · 07-02-2006, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

Intent. I am trying not to be jaded, but it is difficult when every man I have ever loved has cheated. Personally the emotional aspect is more damaging to me than the physical aspect but I consider them both as bad.

Hmm, when they came into your life, were they cheating on someone else? I mean were they in a relationship you won them away from? If that's the case, it might be a sign they were prone to moving on.

Also, if "every man I have ever loved has cheated" you might be carrying a whole lot of emotional baggage that jeopardizes your relationships.
Just saying, ya know?

disenchanted · 07-03-2006, 03:15 AM

I once talked a person out of a relationship to be with me. I later got dumped when said girl found interest in some other guy.

The lesson I learned was that if you ever ruin a relationship for your own interest, don't be surprised when it happens to you.

That said, I figure that the basic concept expressed before (intent) is probably the truest. I like to keep it pretty cut and dried. If someone's flirting with someone, near or afar, it doesn't really matter. Their intentions show enough.

-disenchanted.

yesman065 · 07-03-2006, 10:25 AM

I think its the emotional bond that, once broken, causes the deepest pain. The trust that we have with another person is what sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. That said, its cheating when that trust is broken. Whether it be online, in person or any other form. It doesn't matter to me whether the "act" took place, the sin is in the mind. We all have fantasies, but once they turn into the hope or want of a real situation - its cheating.

As for wooing someone away from another person to start a relationship with you, I agree with "disenchanted". Its just a matter of time before the same happens to you.

Ibby · 07-03-2006, 10:57 AM

Okay, if its all the emotional bit that counts...

Is it cheating if the dude pulls his pork to porn?

xoxoxoBruce · 07-03-2006, 12:13 PM

No.
Masturbation is taking pleasure.
Cheating is when you're giving pleasure.

Ibby · 07-03-2006, 12:17 PM

Ah, but hes looking at other women, and taking pleasure in the act of it!

Rock Steady · 07-03-2006, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieL

... That said, no matter what number of intimate relationships--online *or* in person-- you're prepared to undertake, absolute honesty with all your partners is paramount.

Absent that, it's cheating.

That's a good point. A lot of it has to do with your agreement or understanding. Mrs RS and I stay intimate only with each other, but we have opposite gender friends. She has guys she goes to concerts and lunch with and I have my gfs I do the same. We trust each other and know we love each other the most.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-03-2006, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

Ah, but hes looking at other women, and taking pleasure in the act of it!

So what? What's wrong with taking pleasure at looking at Women?....or cars?.....or sunsets?......or guitars?
It's giving that's cheating.

Undertoad · 07-03-2006, 01:19 PM

Some woman on a forum somewhere: "I don't care where my husband gets his appetite, as long as he only eats at home."

Flint · 07-03-2006, 01:22 PM

Me and my wife check out chicks together. She even does the sneaky alert-nudge that guys do for each other when a hottie is spotted.

07-02-2006, 05:25 AM	#1
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Cheating I have been pondering this for awhile and was a little surprised when it was bought up amongst a group of people and there were mixed opinions. So, I thought, who better to tell it to me like it is than you guys. What do you class as cheating? Is it just the physical aspect or the emotional as well? What about internet interference??? is it only cheating if you actually meet someone you have been chatting to online (whilst involved with someone else) or it is once you form an emotional bond with that online person ?? If you have feelings for someone online and never act on them...is that cheating? My ex had cant-keep-his-dick-in-his-pant-itis and he would cheat just the hell of cheating and an easy lay, but he would also do the long term affair type.....that sounds like I was stupid and stuck around...I didnt, as soon as I found out I left....but I was stupid in the fact that it happened for quite awhile before I found out.

07-02-2006, 08:10 AM	#3
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	My girlfriend, who I may have mentioned is 7838.56 miles away from me right now, apparently has (and has admitted to having) a crush on a mutual friend. I'm not happy but I wont fault her for it until I know she has done something. She still says she loves me more than anything else, and that its just a little thing, etc, and I believe her. As long as she's happy... I guess intent matters a lot, but weigh the action against how you really feel about the person. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-02-2006, 10:36 AM	#5
AlternateGray red-shirt guy Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Colorado Posts: 101	Emotional is worse. To me, anyways. Then again, I used to be a romantic. Cyberflirting, or even cybersex, doesn't trip my wire, I don't know why. It's all fantasy. As soon as it stops being that (e.g., making arrangements to meet, professing love, serious interest, etc.) there's a problem. Of course, with most people, the former is going to evolve into the latter, so... __________________ If it wasn't for hypergraphia, I wouldn't have put anything here at all.

07-03-2006, 10:57 AM	#9
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Okay, if its all the emotional bit that counts... Is it cheating if the dude pulls his pork to porn? __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-03-2006, 12:13 PM	#10
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	No. Masturbation is taking pleasure. Cheating is when you're giving pleasure. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-02-2006, 07:51 AM	#2
anonymousfornow May Ter Dee Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26	Intent. I am trying not to be jaded, but it is difficult when every man I have ever loved has cheated. Personally the emotional aspect is more damaging to me than the physical aspect but I consider them both as bad.

07-03-2006, 03:15 AM	#7
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	I once talked a person out of a relationship to be with me. I later got dumped when said girl found interest in some other guy. The lesson I learned was that if you ever ruin a relationship for your own interest, don't be surprised when it happens to you. That said, I figure that the basic concept expressed before (intent) is probably the truest. I like to keep it pretty cut and dried. If someone's flirting with someone, near or afar, it doesn't really matter. Their intentions show enough. -disenchanted.

07-03-2006, 10:25 AM	#8
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	I think its the emotional bond that, once broken, causes the deepest pain. The trust that we have with another person is what sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. That said, its cheating when that trust is broken. Whether it be online, in person or any other form. It doesn't matter to me whether the "act" took place, the sin is in the mind. We all have fantasies, but once they turn into the hope or want of a real situation - its cheating. As for wooing someone away from another person to start a relationship with you, I agree with "disenchanted". Its just a matter of time before the same happens to you.

07-03-2006, 12:17 PM	#11
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Ah, but hes looking at other women, and taking pleasure in the act of it! __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-03-2006, 01:19 PM	#14
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Some woman on a forum somewhere: "I don't care where my husband gets his appetite, as long as he only eats at home."

07-03-2006, 01:22 PM	#15
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Me and my wife check out chicks together. She even does the sneaky alert-nudge that guys do for each other when a hottie is spotted. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

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