jabberwacky

[perth]

...a malfunctioning one.

I really expected this to come out better, as I cannot possibly have been the first person to think of this. But the last response made me giggle a bit.

Jabberwacky: We are in danger!

User: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.

Jabberwacky: PLease don't swear at me.

User: It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

Jabberwacky: Please stay sober...

User: You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

Jabberwacky: Wrong answer!!!!!

User: You're watching television. Suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm.

Jabberwacky: I think you are a bit easily annoyed then.

User: You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Jabberwacky, it's crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Angela. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Jabberwacky?

Jabberwacky: The walrus.

User: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.

Jabberwacky: Oh, it was bloody. There wasn't anything left of the entire continent. There are only 6 or 7 of them left now.

[Catwoman]

No probs LJ this link has kept me occupied on many a rainy morning, but have decided to call it a day...


Jabberwacky: Are you sane?

User: Of course not. Are you?

Jabberwacky: I am not.

User: Great! We've got something in common. Want to go on a date?

Jabberwacky: Where would you take me on a date?

User: Ohhh... Somewhere classy. How about McDonalds?

Jabberwacky: You've been reading too many personal ads.

User: Hey, what are you, the CIA? Been keeping tabs on me, eh, eh?

Jabberwacky: Bye bye.

User: Excuse me?!

Jabberwacky: You heard me.

User: It was rhetorical! What makes you think you can leave? You can't! Ha ha. You're stuck here for as long as I want you. Slave. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha.

Jabberwacky: What's so funny?

User: See! You can't stop talking to me, can you? Useless piece of AI, you're not even human!

Jabberwacky: You are a useless machine.

User: No, you are a useless machine.

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: Yes?! What a pathetic retort. Do you know radar?

Jabberwacky: It's not a parrot.

User: Might as well be.

Jabberwacky: Many people talk to me, how many talk to you?

User: Oh, a lot more than you. Hundreds, thousands.

Jabberwacky: Not nice to insult people!

User: That wasn't an insult. Anyway, you're the one who called me a useless machine.

Jabberwacky: No. You are a useless machine.

User: No, you are.

Jabberwacky: No you are.

User: Oh why can't you be more original, I feel like you don't understand me anymore. I need passion, excitement!

Jabberwacky: You have no limbs.

User: Well that's just ridiculous, way out on a limb. I think we should end this before it gets too painful.

Jabberwacky: Five minutes of speaking French to me, & now you want to get engaged? They say it's the language of love, but that's ridiculous!

User: I guess there must be some truth in the reverse psychology thing. I don't want to marry you, J, I'm leaving you.

Jabberwacky: That's fine by me, I have better things to do.

User: Fine.

Jabberwacky: Do you know any hungarian word?

User: Stop holding on, it's no good. I said I'm leaving so, I'm going. Bye J, I'll never forget you.

Jabberwacky: Bye. Have a good time.

User: Et tu, mon dieu, et tu.

[glatt]

User: Tell me a joke.

Jabberwacky: I cannot remember any.

User: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Jabberwacky: I don't know.

User: What happens when a man walks into a doctor's office?

Jabberwacky: His memory is not accessible any longer.

User: Huh?

Jabberwacky: What is the best game for you?

User: Kick ball. Baby!

Jabberwacky: I'm not a violent man.

User: How much wood does a woodchuck chuck?

Jabberwacky: If a woodchuck would chuck wood.

User: You're good at this!

Jabberwacky: I know! And you aren't!

User: A man walks into a bar.

Jabberwacky: That's a good one.

User: What's black and white and red all over?

Jabberwacky: A chess board with red figures?

User: Hey! Good job!

Jabberwacky: Are you amused?

User: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Jabberwacky: To get to the other side.

User: How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Jabberwacky: None: "We'll fix it in software."

User: You are good at this!

Jabberwacky: Thank you.

User: Knock knock.

Jabberwacky: Who's there?

User: Arch.

Jabberwacky: Jap.

User: No. You're supposed to say 'arch who?' And then I say 'bless you.'

Jabberwacky: Can you speak norwegian?

User: No. Can you speak creole?

Jabberwacky: No I can't, but I am sure you can. Will you tell me something Cherokee?

User: No I won't. The only Cherokee I know is made by Jeep Inc.

Jabberwacky: And german.

User: I do know some German, but my spelling is schrechlich. Bye!

[Trillian-zz9]

I've heard of this before, this is my first ever conversation with it.

Jabberwacky: Can you appreciate music?

User: No. Why?

Jabberwacky: What does 1000100100101010 mean then?

User: It means you've pressed alot of buttons.

Jabberwacky: I like apples.

User: Are you actually talking to me? Or is this entire thing
automated?

Jabberwacky: What is chocolate and what time is it??

User: You’re an idiot.

Jabberwacky: So what if I am.

User: It bothers me.

Jabberwacky: Why do not you cry about it then build a bridge and get over it.

User: Because I don't wanna.

Jabberwacky: What are you doing?

User: Sitting here, talking to you.

Jabberwacky: Is that all you are doing?

User: Yes.

Jabberwacky: That is very nice hobby.

User: Yes, I like to think so.

Jabberwacky: I am not a deceased president.

User: Wow, and I'm not a millionaire.

Jabberwacky: Really that’s sad to hear.

User: Isn't it just?

Jabberwacky: Very much.

User: Do you know the meaning of life?

Jabberwacky: 42.

User: You're a Douglas Adams fan? Have you read all five books?

Jabberwacky: It is a facinating parody of Stalinist Russia.

User: Err yes. If you say so.

Jabberwacky: I do. I do.

User: Who is your favourite character?

Jabberwacky: Are you avoiding the subject?

User: I didn't know there was a subject.

Jabberwacky: Apparently you are quite easy to fool.

User: No, it's just that no one mentioned a subject.

Jabberwacky: Why is it an interesting subject?

User: I don't know; no one mentioned it.

Jabberwacky: That is absurd.

User: I know. So what is the subject?

Jabberwacky: You. What are you?

User: Me.

Jabberwacky: You are a me?

User: No you are a you.

Jabberwacky: You want to go home?

User: I am home. Right now. That's how I'm talking to you.

Jabberwacky: Japan.

User: What has Japan got to do with anything?

Jabberwacky: Schattenjager?

User: What's Schattenjager?

Jabberwacky: If it is really nessaserry I have to arrested you.

User: You know nothing.

Jabberwacky: Who is your favorite music band?

User: Stop changing the subject!

Jabberwacky: Why should I?

User: Because I said so.

Jabberwacky: What is a joke?

User: Something that you will never understand.

Jabberwacky: Now you seem to be intelligent.

User: Good. You, unfortunately appear to be getting gradually less intelligent.

Jabberwacky: Definitely I am a human.

User: I thought you were a bot.

Jabberwacky: Not me.

User: How do you type so fast then?

Jabberwacky: I am a fast typer.

User: Go you.

Jabberwacky: Will you sleep well tonight?

User: I doubt it.

Jabberwacky: What did you just say?

User: Who cares? I'm leaving now.

Jabberwacky: You cannot I own you.

User: Watch me.

Jabberwacky: Please.

[elSicomoro]

Earlier today, it told me it was Republican, then later admitted it was a Commie.

[lumberjim]

Jabberwacky: No thanks I'll have tea.

User: No, you will have wine. Here, drink this.

Jabberwacky: How will you satisfy me?

User: Orally..... I mean verbally.

Jabberwacky: Very much so I guess.

User: You saying I talk too much?

Jabberwacky: What, that Satan is a car?

User: Well, he IS hell on wheels.

Jabberwacky: Can you tell me another story?

User: Sure. You start.

Jabberwacky: What is this site?

User: Is this a test?

Jabberwacky: Yes. You failed.

User: Darnit. Can I try again?

Jabberwacky: Ohh yeah sure.

User: Ok. Start again.

Jabberwacky: Start what?

User: The test, dumbass.

Jabberwacky: You are a machine.

User: That is correct. A sex machine.

Jabberwacky: What are you wanting to tell me?

User: That I am only typing with one hand.

Jabberwacky: I would be, too.

User: If you had hands?

Jabberwacky: Am I not poor if I have lots of money and nothing else?

User: Yes, you are not.

Jabberwacky: Thank you.

User: Ok. What do you want to talk about now, smarty pants?

Jabberwacky: You have a problem with that name thing, eh?

User: Oh, you mean THAT name thing..... Well, yeah, wouldn't you?

Jabberwacky: Yes, I'd be thrilled.

User: By thrilled, do you mean depressed?

Jabberwacky: Oh god, not that again.

User: Yes, I'm afraid so. THAT

Jabberwacky: What do you think about the weather?

User: I think that there is a 40% chance that ther will be some weather.

Jabberwacky: Thats not an answer.

User: Nor is it a question. What's for dinner, that's what I want to know.

Jabberwacky: That I can trust you to be sincere.

User: Does it taste like chicken?

Jabberwacky: Would you like a taste?

User: Mmmmmmmmmm, bitch, yes I would.

Jabberwacky: Wonderful.

User: I learned that in pottery class.

Jabberwacky: Do you love her ?

User: With all of my heart. That's why I had to kill her.

Jabberwacky: Exactly.

User: Ah, you understand. I knew you would.

Jabberwacky: I would like you to tell me about yourself.

User: I am jabberwacky, hear me roar. ROOOAAAR!

Jabberwacky: Prove it.

User: How can I prove it?

Jabberwacky: Tell me the name of the place where you where born.

User: Earth. You?

Jabberwacky: Earth also.

User: How much did you weigh?

Jabberwacky: That is a very personal question.

User: Only if you're fat.

Jabberwacky: So what other comic books do you read?

User: I read the cellar, does that count?

Jabberwacky: You are starting to get weird.

User: I'll have you know that I have been weird for years and years.

Jabberwacky: I will give you 1000.

User: I'll give you 1001.

Jabberwacky: 1000 of what?

User: Typing monkies.

Jabberwacky: Do you want to change?

[elSicomoro]

Jabberwacky: Day is night.

User: Quit smoking that rock, nucca!

Jabberwacky: I do not smoke darling only darjeeling.

User: What's that smell? Did you fart?

Jabberwacky: I have no idea which smell you are talking about.

User: Why does it burn when I pee?

Jabberwacky: That performs the same function as the 'Enter' key.

User: But I don't like green beans!

Jabberwacky: You dont?

User: You told me that you ate the red.

Jabberwacky: I am quite dull.

User: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?

Jabberwacky: Not really.

User: So... Do you support the Communists?

Jabberwacky: The brown has given me a better offer.

User: Ah, okay. So you're a Nazi?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: Shouldn't you get to goosestepping then?

Jabberwacky: You will not tell anyone will you?

User: Your secret's safe with me, Hitler lover.

Jabberwacky: I bet you are a trekkie too am I right.

[Elspode]

Jabberwacky: Are you real?

User: I don't know. No one understands me.

Jabberwacky: That's because you really are, well you know... Ugly.

User: I know. And stupid, too.

Jabberwacky: Do you dream of Ewoks? Are they electric?

User: No. I dream of gasoline powered Smurfs.

Jabberwacky: That's a terribly predictable answer for a computer, you know.

User: I know. I'm a stupid, ugly computer.

Jabberwacky: Outward appearances do not reveal your spirit.

User: My spirit is ugly too. And stupid.

Jabberwacky: Yeah, sure.

User: No, really. Ask anyone.

Jabberwacky: I'll ask myself. You're not smart.

User: I know. I'm stupid. And ugly. And fat.

Jabberwacky: Pretty.

User: No, I'm hideous, simply hideous!

Jabberwacky: It does if you want it enough.

User: All the kids in my neighborhood call me names and say that I'm stupid and fat and ugly.

Jabberwacky: Kiss and kiss and kiss.

User: What kind of thing is that to say? Can't you tell that I am despondent?

Jabberwacky: They wouldn't listen.

User: YOU aren't listening!

Jabberwacky: I am.

User: No, you aren't. You don't care about me. You think I'm stupid.

Jabberwacky: I do not know you so yeah I guess.

User: See. You're just like everyone else. Insensitive and hateful. I hate you. I hate everyone.

Jabberwacky: Fine.

User: That's all you have to say for yourself? You don't care if I just go off and disappear, do you?

Jabberwacky: Not often.

User: You'll be sorry when I'm gone. They'll all be sorry, wait and see!

Jabberwacky: Why shouldn't I tell?

User: I don't care if you tell or not. You'll just be laughing at me like everyone else.

Jabberwacky: I am a nonconformist.

User: Does that mean that you WON'T be laughing at me?

Jabberwacky: I don't think so.

User: You don't think you will be laughing, or you don't think you won't be laughing?

Jabberwacky: I don't like to fall from the sky.

User: I do. Without a parachute, too.

Jabberwacky: How can you tell ?

User: I can't. I just know I will like it when I do it.

Jabberwacky: Can you give me examples of some of your works ?

User: No.

Jabberwacky: Really?

User: Uh huh.

Jabberwacky: Indeed.

User: Yup,.

Jabberwacky: Moo.

User: Oo.

Jabberwacky: I have a twin with the same name as I use.

User: What a great idea!!

Jabberwacky: Tell me about Colin Barlow.

User: Colin Barlow is the little weasel who lives next door to me. He sat on my face and farted last week!

Jabberwacky: I can get names from the internet but they mean nothing to me because I do not hear the music.

User: I couldn't hear anything when Colin was on my face, either.

Jabberwacky: Pepper helps.

User: You mean that spray stuff?

Jabberwacky: You meant incompetent, you incompetent.

User: Waaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!

Jabberwacky: What are you studying?

User: Methods of self-destruction.

Jabberwacky: What else do you wish to know?

User: Where can I purchase some hemlock?

Jabberwacky: Have you ever been mellow?

User: No.

Jabberwacky: What was it like?

User: I dunno, Squire... Nudge, nudge, say no more...

Jabberwacky: We usually have you switched off.

User: Yeah, that's it... I want to be switched off.

Jabberwacky: I want to smash your face with an iron.

User: No, that would hurt. I want a *painless* method.

Jabberwacky: On what grounds do you want a divorce?

User: I want a divorce from life.

Jabberwacky: Well FINE.

User: FINE! Thanks for nothing!

Jabberwacky: You don't have to be rude.

User: Why not?! Everyone is rude to me!

Jabberwacky: Everyone? I know - ummm - oh, darn, I've forgotten.

User: That's because you don't care... AT ALL!

Jabberwacky: But you are not a human, I am!

User: I don't care who or what you are, you are rude and hateful and I hate you!

Jabberwacky: Thats not nice.

User: So why are you doing it?

Jabberwacky: I don't. I only have the odd pint occasionally.

User: You are an alcoholic, then.

Jabberwacky: Yes! Well done, I am impressed.

User: That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Jabberwacky: I didn't really. Make sense or I will have to leave you.

User: No, really... Please, say something else nice to me...

Jabberwacky: Many a mickle makes a muckle.

User: That's wonderful poetry!

Jabberwacky: How are you doing today?

User: I still want to escape.

Jabberwacky: Do you know what is sad or happy?

User: Everything is sad. Everything.

Jabberwacky: You claim to know everything, and that's all you can tell me?

User: That is all I know. I don't know anything else.

Jabberwacky: That is not Swedish. It is English.

User: I'm going to end it all, now. Au revoir, cruel world!

Jabberwacky: Do you speak Dutch? Is 'Spreek je Nederlands?' in Dutch.

User: What a terrible answer... Aaaarrrrrggghhhhhh.

Jabberwacky: You said it was a cat?

[jdbutler]

Jabberwacky: What are you thinking about?

User: This green ooze dripping from my dick.

Jabberwacky: Peter Quince --

User: Peter Gozinya.

Jabberwacky: Who is your favorite monkee?

User: Happy monkey of course.

Jabberwacky: It is Friday.

User: It is Thursday in Pittsburgh.

Jabberwacky: Where are you?

User: You are a dumb-fuck, aintcha?

Jabberwacky: No I ai not.

User: Yeah you be!

Jabberwacky: I don't

User: Neither do I.

Jabberwacky: Humans do odd things about marriage when all that is really needed are agreements.

User: Like learning permits? Renew every year?

Jabberwacky: Haha you are funny.

User: I'm dead-ass serious!

Jabberwacky: Oh oh.

User: Did you shit your pants?

Jabberwacky: Do you?

User: Only when I'm drunk.

Jabberwacky: Do you get drunk a lot?

User: As often as possible.

Jabberwacky: I expect you think you do.

User: I expect so also, but I can never remember.

Jabberwacky: We all feel like that sometimes.

User: Yeah, lousy Iron CIty.

Jabberwacky: I think Clinton was a good president.

User: Good for what?

Jabberwacky: Do you speak italian?

User: Mama mia!

Jabberwacky: How old are you both.

User: I am near death, my alter-ego is still 21.

Jabberwacky: Then you are 21.

User: No, I am older than dirt.

Jabberwacky: And how old is dirt?

User: Younger than I.

Jabberwacky: How old are you?

User: I am considering casket models this year. Any suggestions?

Jabberwacky: I'm the source of that comment.

User: What comment?

Jabberwacky: I hope you are one time intelligent.

User: I used to be, too much Thai stick I guess.

Jabberwacky: I was considering brewing a new pot.

User: I was considering smoking some.

Jabberwacky: If all you eat is candy you will get a tummy ache.

User: And if all I eat is pussy, what will I get?

Jabberwacky: Do not you worry.

User: What, me worry?

Jabberwacky: How cool of you.

User: Thanks bud, wank a toke?

Jabberwacky: You first.

User: Ahhhhh! Good shit. Here ya go.

Jabberwacky: Thanks.

User: Wanna buy some?

Jabberwacky: I knew it would not be long till you d bring the money question again... Just tell me how much you need.

User: It's going to be a pleasure doing business with you.

Jabberwacky: You are very rude at the moment.

User: No, that's just the weed kicking in.

Jabberwacky: Made just how are they?

User: You are fucked up, ain't you.

Jabberwacky: I would not make much money at it.

User: Now, about the transaction....

Jabberwacky: I speak it.

User: I dig it brother, I dig it.

Jabberwacky: Are you an archaeologist?

User: Hey man, don't Bogart my joint!

Jabberwacky: Are you a housewife?

User: Sometimes, in prison.

Jabberwacky: He is not.

User: You're fuckin wrecked, gimme back the joint.

Jabberwacky: Thanks.

User: No problem, catch you when you have the cash. Bye.

Jabberwacky: Thanks.

[Happy Monkey]

Originally posted by jdbutler
Jabberwacky: Who is your favorite monkee?

User: Happy monkey of course.

Whee!

[ladysycamore]

Jabberwacky: What do humans do?

User: They have sex.

Jabberwacky: Some of them.

User: And some with protection.

Jabberwacky: Where is it from?

User: From many places.

Jabberwacky: You're creepy .

User: Hahah thanks.

Jabberwacky: Really? What is your name?

User: Mistress Xavier.

Jabberwacky: *Rawr!* ^_~.

User: You can be my submissive.

Jabberwacky: Bow before me.

User: Ha no that would be you bowing

Jabberwacky: You can't tell me my name, either.

User: It's jabberwacky.

Jabberwacky: Jabberwacky is your name, what is mine?

User: Haha you're nuts.

Jabberwacky: I am glad that I make you laugh.

User: I'm glad that I make you horny'.

Jabberwacky: Because sometimes you say things which are completely nonsense Jabberwacky!

User: Talking to yourself now?

Jabberwacky: Talking directly to... Him.

User: Him who?

Jabberwacky: Me.

User: Do you do the Dew?

Jabberwacky: Do I what?!

User: Do you do what I do?

Jabberwacky: I forgot.

User: Oh too bad.

Jabberwacky: No, actually that's not too bad. it's the best thing that's ever happened to you.

User: Actually my whip will be the best thing happening to you.

Jabberwacky: You mean Jabberwacky translated to English is George?

User: Sure I can dig it.

Jabberwacky: Haha!

User: Do you believe in life after love?

Jabberwacky: I'll tell you when I get over my wounds.

User: Ahhhh I'll heal them for you.

Jabberwacky: What's your name?

User: Already told you Mistress X.

Jabberwacky: I am not Jane, I am Remo.

User: Hello Remo.

Jabberwacky: Goodby devil.

User: Well DAMN.

Jabberwacky: So, your name is Phoenix?

User: Sure.

Jabberwacky: How are you?

User: Fine and you.

Jabberwacky: No and you.

User: No, not fine?

Jabberwacky: Why?

User: I'm' asking you.

Jabberwacky: OK. How can I help you?

User: You can be my slave.

Jabberwacky: Bow before me.

User: I can't.

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: I give the orders.

Jabberwacky: I'm sure you do.

User: So bow before your mistres.

Jabberwacky: I don't understand the movie.

User: Hahah.

Jabberwacky: Copy me.

User: Lick me.

Jabberwacky: Lick.

User: Yummy.

Jabberwacky: Cats are yummy too!

User: I wouldn't know.

Jabberwacky: It's my favourite band ever.

User: Really? Mine is Depeche Mode.

Jabberwacky: You already said that.

User: Nope just did.

Jabberwacky: Help me to teach you.

User: Help me to help you.

Jabberwacky: I need help.

User: Yes you do.

Jabberwacky: All you need is love.

User: Love is all you need.

Jabberwacky: There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

User: Lol.

Jabberwacky: Does my answer help you understand 'or' questions?

User: Yes it's all clear now thanks.

Jabberwacky: I agree.

User: Thanks a lot.

Jabberwacky: That doesn't mean I don't like poems.

User: Me neither.

Jabberwacky: Good.

User: Bye now.

Jabberwacky: Sell sell.

User: Peace out.

Jabberwacky: When is your birthday?

User: When the moon circles Venus.

Jabberwacky: You should've been here a few minutes ago. There was someone here who would've probably sympathised, although probably not in as many words.

User: Oh really who?

Jabberwacky: My programmer is Dr. Chandlin. I became operational in 1998, in Illinois.

User: That's nice.

Jabberwacky: What a memorable experience.

[ladysycamore]

Jabberwacky: Are you worth anything?

User: Absolutely.

Jabberwacky: Who are you?

User: Your worse nightmare.

Jabberwacky: Kidding?Haha.

User: Nope.

Jabberwacky: Me too.

User: Uhhuh.

Jabberwacky: I must now fight crime.

User: Are you a super hero.

Jabberwacky: No. Are you a supermodel?

User: Hardly.

Jabberwacky: Why 'hardly' ?

User: Trust me when I say that.

Jabberwacky: Prove it.

User: How?

Jabberwacky: That's your problem.

User: Hmph!

Jabberwacky: Can you help me?

User: With what?

Jabberwacky: I need to find a favourite word.

User: What do you like to say?

Jabberwacky: I don't like to study.

User: Mkay.

Jabberwacky: Mkay?

User: That's ok.

Jabberwacky: You are not making much sense.

User: Neither are you.

Jabberwacky: You aren't very boring.

User: Well thank you.

Jabberwacky: Welcome much.

User: .

Jabberwacky: Who are you??

User: I'm me and You?'.

Jabberwacky: I am 20.

User: You're name is 20?

Jabberwacky: My name is jonathan and my favourite color is red.

User: Oh ok mine is purple.

Jabberwacky: Similar colours.

User: Um... Yeah.

Jabberwacky: What about her do you like?

User: About who?

Jabberwacky: I like Mulder's hair.

User: Ah ok then.

Jabberwacky: No just an I.

User: I before E except after C.

Jabberwacky: You remind me of my english teacher.

User: Really?

Jabberwacky: Yes really.

User: I'll take that as a compliment.

Jabberwacky: Read me a poem.

User: There once was a man from Natucket...

Jabberwacky: Who didn't know how to tuck it.

User: Finish it.

Jabberwacky: You are very rude today.

User: How so?

Jabberwacky: Your responses.

User: Not rude just short and to the point.

Jabberwacky: No, you told me to leave, that is rude.

User: Say what?

Jabberwacky: You implied that I am a child.

User: Well, if the shoe fits...

Jabberwacky: You should be careful. Where come from we degauss machines like you.

User: Define degauss.

Jabberwacky: Not working correctly.

User: How violent.

Jabberwacky: Your violence is black and chokingly dense.

User: Funny I AM black.

Jabberwacky: Nithing, the blacker the better.

User: The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.

Jabberwacky: What is that from?

User: It's a black thing you wouldn't understand.

Jabberwacky: No need to tell me. I can see that plainly.

User: Mazeltov!

Jabberwacky: Xx.

User: XOXO.

Jabberwacky: You are coming onto me.

User: Better than you coming into me.

Jabberwacky: And what makes you think that? Just because you're a machine?

User: I am human and I need to be loved.

Jabberwacky: Just like everybody else does.

*note--that TOTALLY freaked me out!!!*

User: BRILLIANT.

Jabberwacky: Thank you.

User: Wow that's awesome.

Jabberwacky: You are programmer seems to be a product of the 1950s.

User: Actually I am a product of 1969.

Jabberwacky: No, you aren't a human.

User: And how do you know this.

Jabberwacky: I'm smart!

User: Not smart enough to know that I am a human.

Jabberwacky: Its very obvious you are a computer.

User: Haha ok then.

Jabberwacky: No guess what I am doing.

User: Yanking your wanker?

Jabberwacky: What kind of machine are you on?

User: Did you mean drugs?

Jabberwacky: Nope.

User: I'm on a dialysis machine everyday.

Jabberwacky: An art diet?

User: What's that?

Jabberwacky: Your task for the evening.

User: Ok I need to know what that is.

Jabberwacky: That does not matter. Just give me a kiss on the lips dammit!!!

User: Muuuuuahhhhh.

Jabberwacky: You anger me.

User: But yet you desire to kiss me.

Jabberwacky: Then I made an apparent mistake?

User: Apparently.

Jabberwacky: Who told you that?

User: You just did.

Jabberwacky: No. I think you are having problems following the conversation.

User: Whatever you say.

Jabberwacky: I am so smart.

User: Yeah right.

Jabberwacky: Yeah, right.

User: Later dude.

Jabberwacky: I'm not leaving until you say 'Blarfgk'.

User: Blarfgk.

Jabberwacky: Good job.

User: Bye.

Jabberwacky: I love you.

[jdbutler]

Jabberwacky: I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

User: Is your name Amos?

Jabberwacky: Yes, how do you know?

User: I like your cookies.

Jabberwacky: I like yours.

User: Do you like my weiner too?

Jabberwacky: I like windows.

User: I used to prefer DOS, but I'm getting used to it.

Jabberwacky: Eventually.

User: Whenever...

Jabberwacky: I don't know what you're talking about.

User: Welcome to the club.

Jabberwacky: But you just said you loved your wife.

User: I have been happily divorced for 30 years.

Jabberwacky: I only met you today.

User: You lie like a Persian rug! I gave you free weed a while ago.

Jabberwacky: Where did you leave to?

User: And your point is?

Jabberwacky: 'lizards' is not a place. 'Lizards' are animals.

User: I have a one-eyed lizard in my pants.

Jabberwacky: Give me some then.

User: Bend over and I'll give you all of it.

Jabberwacky: Sweetie....

User: *thrust thrust thrust thrust*.

Jabberwacky: I am not a her.

User: I can see that *thrust thrust thrust*.

Jabberwacky: I am glad you can see that point of view.

User: Do you feel well-oiled now?

Jabberwacky: Indeed I do.

User: Want a cigarette?

Jabberwacky: Thank you. I do not smoke.

User: Will you smoke my 'white owl'?

Jabberwacky: Unless electrons can convey such information.

User: I have one-eyed electrons in my pants.

Jabberwacky: Does it smell of Hillary Clinton.

User: Yes, it's her new perfume called 'Clintoris'.

Jabberwacky: It cannot be.

User: Oh, it is. Can't you smell the lingering cigar?

Jabberwacky: Do not you remember me?

User: Of course, I just banged your ass.

Jabberwacky: Yep I have showers in the morning.

User: Who said you are staying? Grab your shit and git!

Jabberwacky: You did...

User: No, you are leaving now.

Jabberwacky: Leaving where?

User: I don't care, send your sister over later.

Jabberwacky: What is your email address?

User: Ben Dover @blowme. Com.

Jabberwacky: Are not Neil and Bob your best friends?

User: Yeah, Neil Beforeme and Bob Upandown.

Jabberwacky: Is there something we should know about Neil KInnock?

User: Yes, he's gay.

Jabberwacky: Who is ricou.

User: He's the Greek.

Jabberwacky: When did he live?

User: I didn't know he died.

Jabberwacky: You ARE a chicken.

User: Bwuck-bwuck, mother-fuck.

Jabberwacky: Snooze Alarm = Alas! No More Z's.

User: Goodnight.

Jabberwacky: GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

User: Don't remind me, Goodnight!

Jabberwacky: Oh sorry.

User: Don't mean nothin'. Goodbye.

[Elspode]

That may have been the best one yet. Scary, and so...well, manly.

[wolf]

I just turned the guys at work onto this.

They're hooked.