What's upsetting you today?

[sweetwater]

Peace and strength, Cicero. It's a tough situation but you can make it - and remember, you have a lot of good Cellar juju to help.

[Griff]

I'm so sorry Cic. Going home might be good for your soul.

[Sundae]

Dana, that sounds like when my sister cut her hand and left it.
She wouldn't listen to anyone though - she even went against the advice of the hospital who wanted to admit her immediately because she had to get the kids home and give them their tea or some such non-life threatening thing.

It's scary how close other people can come to very serious repercussions (L was 2? 3? nights in hospital and could also have lost her hand) for the sake of a little TLC. Me, I rush off to get everything looked at these days and am told politely but definitely, "No, there's nothing we can do, time will heal this..."

Really sorry that your Mum's been spooked by this. My very best wishes to her.

I'm home, and through phase 1 of the revelation - Mum now knows I'm out of work. Phase 2 comes when I ask to move back home. I'm going to give that at least another week - part cowardice and part so she believes I have seriously considered my options. I have, but Mum would think I haven't had time yet if I mentioned it now. I developed this two pronged approach on the train here today. Ahem.

[DanaC]

*smiles* You sound like you've developed a refined strategy for parent management :P

Talking of which...

Went to see mum, first around lunchtime and then again this evening. She was quite perky, if a little spacecake, but was prettyu convinced she'd be coming home tonight (i might point out she was absolutely alone in this conviction). They'd talked about seeing how she was after 24 hours, but that would have taken her to midnight, so we spoke to the nurse and they got a doctor to come look.

Given her hand still looks like a foam hand at a football match, and she keeps going very hot...and the red lines are still there, it wasn't a huge surprise to the rest of us that she's going nowhere tonight:P


They're keeping her in the observation ward again tonight and they'll see how she is tomorrow...she may end up doing a few nights.

The nurse that came to see her earlier told her that in the days before antibiotics, those fingers of red reaching up the arms or legs were known as the 'lines of death', the precursor to the end, from there into the heart, from the heart to the entire body, organ failure and death to follow in short order. God bless antibiotics.

So, I am at mum's house still. She meanwhile seems to have relaxed into the situation and is resting up. She's paid £5 for 24 hours access to the satellite tv that swings in over the bed and has headphones. We left her settling down to watch X-Factor.

[eta] also, you know there's always that little niggle with hospitals and doctors that they may miss something...well, I read on wiki that if cellulitis isn't properly treated it can appear to go then stay in the system and reoccur weeks, months or even years later. So, I was really relieved to hear the doctor explain to mum that one of the reasons she isn't going home is that if they don't get on top of it properly it can come back.

[Griff]

The guy who had the cross burned in his yard just had a stroke.

Good luck with Mom Dana.

[Cicero]

It sounds like your mom is in good hands, Dana. My hand always looks like the foam hands, because I'm number 1!!! Just kidding.....I bet it's a huge relief she'll be home in a matter of days. Poor thing. I hope they are giving her the good stuff.

And of course, thanks guys for being cool about my complaints lately. You guys are awesome for taking this crap from me! Piss. Moan....Piss moan..bluuurgh. I'm hoping to hit the lottery tonight, and I can buy the cellar, and me an island. I'll fly you all in on my private jetz. Heck, even UT is invited.

At least I'm still crazy.

You can take my pride, but you can't take my crazy, 'tis mine, and I love it!!

You guys are neat-o. Thanks.

[Sundae]

I haven't received a pay slip, meaning my money won't be through until at least next Wednesday (the Finance Officer only works Monday to Wednesday and BACs takes 3 days to clear.

If the money was in today (as I really hoped, checking my account before the post arrived) I was going to go home. Mia is fine and I'm missing Diz badly. I wasn't too worried that the money wasn't there, thinking that she must have processed it on Wednesday instead. But if she had, I would have received the slip today - the post came and it wasn't there.

This means waiting til Sunday and borrowing money off Mum & Dad for my fare home. They already left me some money to buy food (because they run down their stocks when they're going away). I wanted to repay that, not ask for more - I'm not 15!

And that means my poor babba will be home alone for over a week - I feel awful. I came here on the understanding that as soon as they received my letter of resignation and keys, I would be paid (they confirmed receipt on Tuesday). I can only assume that it needs authorisation and is waiting on someone's desk. There's no point calling, the Finance Officer is the only one who can put it through and she is not there. Sigh. My poor parents, having such a fuck up as a daughter.

All I can do is make sure the place is spotless when they get back, apologise and assure them that this is not money disappearing into a black hole. I should try to find a job too (well I have been looking of course, I mean I should be applying). It just seemed a little forward when I hadn't officially asked if I could move back in.

Oh, and I have a coldsore coming, with no medication in the house and no money to buy any. That's what comes of fretting and worrying all day!

For the record, I have been out and about a lot - going down to walk by the (admittedly small and man-made) lake and around the park. I have been keeping regular hours and sleeping well. It doesn't sound like much, but last week I was staying awake til 03.00 or 04.00 - really not good for me.

Sorry to be such a moaner. Writing it down puts it in perspective a bit for me.

[Shawnee123]

I am sure your parents would be quite upset to hear you say they have a fuck-up for a daughter. They love you.

When I was going through my really bad times, I expressed about the same to my mom. My brothers are all doing well (older bro had some hard times but is just amazing now...successful and happy, younger bro has just always had it going on) and my mom, a strong person, showed the sadness on her face, that I felt that way. She told me how much they love me, and some wonderful things about being her daughter and her partner in crime concerning artistic and political sensibilities.

You are a human, who is going through a rough time. You are coping, though it might not feel that way to you all the time. Don't be your own worst enemy.

It's going to feel so good to you when you come out on the other side. In the meantime, absolutely you should write exactly how you feel, here where you feel safe to do so. But you know there are those of us who are going to say "yeah, but you DON'T suck!"

[Pico and ME]

Great post Shawnee...I second it.

[Treasenuak]

I third it. Chin up, SG... you're loved, both by your family and your friends here on the Cellar. We don't think you're a fuck-up... and we're very proud of you for soldiering on. You can do this. And we're all cheering for you.

[limey]

I fourth that post and if you pm me the right address I'll post you some Zovirax (brand new, unused tube).

[Sundae]

Thanks, friends.

Good news tonight was that Mum called and asked me to do her a favour (which was no trouble at all of course). While on the phone she said Dad & her had had a talk and sorted things out... then backtracked quickly and said that they had some ideas about things I might want to think about. Her next sentence was saying they'd been through the Bucks Herald and the Bucks Free Press (two local papers, they're house-sitting about 20 miles away) so I'm pretty sure their talk was whether they could take their wayward daughter back into the fold. Both those papers have job sections and rentals. I have a feeling they'll offer to fund me to move in with someone (ie pay my deposit and first month's rent). I'd rather hold out for an invite home, so I can have a settled life pattern first (eating, sleeping working) while also contributing to the household. Then I can think about independence. Also if I'm here they can do more house-sitting without paying for the Mia cat to go into a cattery (which reduces their profits down to almost zero). They keep the heating and lights on timer when they're away anyway - fear of pipes bursting and thieves - so I can really help. Can you tell I've been rehearsing this justification to myself?

Mum also asked if I had enough money to be getting by on. Not that this is a super-good thing, because I get so much love and support from them and they have never had much money, but just because it shows she doesn't see it the same way I do - that I am mercilessly scalping my beloved parents.

Thanks for the offer Limey, thanks very much. To be honest the sore came up yesterday and is now full-blown - by the time I get your tube it'll (I hope) be in remission. It's ugly and sore, but I can deal with that. Keep it for your next outbreak (although here's hoping that doesn't happen!) those things are expensive!

Thanks again folks. I will have some good news one day. I am not a natural disaster.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by limey

I fourth that post and if you pm me the right address I'll post you some Zovirax (brand new, unused tube).

Umm. I'm all out of single malt?

[Treasenuak]

SG, it's a pity you aren't on this side of the pond. There's a LOT of places around here for rent at really reasonable prices... and the cabin that I'm renting from Ted has enough room for an extra person (and critters!) if you wanted some stability/pattern before going all indie on us :P

[Cicero]

I'm moving into case's downstairs apartment. Someone should let her know....