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Parenting Bringing up the shorties so they aren't completely messed up

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Old 04-27-2007, 09:41 PM   #136
TheMercenary
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheldonrs View Post
Okee dokee. I'll just slip in my 2 cents here and now.


When a child is born, he/she is dependent upon the parent for it's care and feeding and upbringing.
BUT---ALL children are born through no choice of their own. They didn't ask to be born. It was through an act of (usually) 2 other people. I believe this entitles them to certain freedoms and the presumption of guiltlessness unless proven otherwise just as a matter of courtesy for being forced into this world..
It is the parents OBLIGATION to keep them safe since THEY were the ones who forced this life on the child.
But it is my opinion that the parents do not have the right to control everything the child does.

And as a side note, calling ANYONE a "fag" is wrong and juvenile. Telling an known underaged person to "Wipe the cum off their face" is child sexual abuse. Use your head for something besides holding your hat up.
Yea, yea, I all ready mentioned that some statements were mentioned in error... Shit happens. "|
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Old 04-27-2007, 09:44 PM   #137
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Originally Posted by Aliantha View Post
Why should I not expect things to continue in the same way? Why should I expect my kids to all of a sudden become secretive and deceptive? .
Great, come back in about 8 years and let us all know how it turned out.
Quote:
My mother was my best friend.
Great, glad it worked out for you. That is not the norm. You cannot be your childs best friend and be an effective parent. I stand by that statement.
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Old 04-27-2007, 10:51 PM   #138
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You also can't be a complete dictator and still be an effective parent.
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Old 04-27-2007, 10:53 PM   #139
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You also can't be a complete dictator and still be an effective parent.
Absolutely agree. Who says anyone is being a complete dictator? Not me...
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Old 04-27-2007, 11:34 PM   #140
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Originally Posted by TheMercenary View Post
Great, come back in about 8 years and let us all know how it turned out.
Great, glad it worked out for you. That is not the norm. You cannot be your childs best friend and be an effective parent. I stand by that statement.
If I'm still posting here in 8yrs time I'll be surprised.

I never said it was the norm for parents to be their childrens best friend. I only said mine was. Are you suggesting my mother was not an effective parent?
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Old 04-28-2007, 08:04 AM   #141
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Are you suggesting my mother was not an effective parent?
Not at all.

I am saying that parents who try to be their kids best friends are less effective as parents [b]IMHO[/].
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Old 04-28-2007, 10:18 AM   #142
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I have kids ranging in age from 24 yrs old to 22 months. I've found that they will live up to or down to the level of your expectations of them. Give them trust and expect them to live up to it and they almost always will. Expect them to be rotten, lying monsters and that's pretty much what you'll get.

In my house, we don't call anyone derrogatory names. Fag, nigger, bitch, asshole, jerk, butthead or pig (yeah Alec, even pig) are not heard from my family. I've taught my kids that in order to receive respect, they must also offer it. Might does NOT make right. And insults are usually attempts to prop up a weak or nonexistant arguement.

Stormie
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Old 04-28-2007, 10:36 AM   #143
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In my house, we don't call anyone derrogatory names. Fag, nigger, bitch, asshole, jerk, butthead or pig (yeah Alec, even pig) are not heard from my family. I've taught my kids that in order to receive respect, they must also offer it. Might does NOT make right. Stormie
We do the same. Other than the normal bickering that goes on in all families, and some minor name calling does occur. You do have bickering in your family don't you?
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Old 04-29-2007, 10:55 AM   #144
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Of course.

But without namecalling.

If one of them tries to resort to bad-mouthing the other during the course of the bickering, I will usually shake my head at them and comment...........'weeeeeak!!, try that again using some REAL logic this time'.

Our bickering sounds more like a political debate since I've taught them that personal attacks are NOT ok and do nothing to strengthen your position.

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Old 04-29-2007, 12:36 PM   #145
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I'm new here, and I admit I didn't read through this whole thread, so forgive me if it turns out I'm echoing something that's already been said.

I have two kids. My son is 19 now and my daughter will be 17 next month. I have always been a gentle, loving, respectful parent to them. It has always been my philosophy to trust my kids unless I have some reason to believe that they are untrustworthy. I have never put restrictions on their internet use, and have not looked over their shoulders at what they're doing, checked their history palettes, or whatever. I do occasionally view my daughter's blog, but not for the purpose of checking up on her. Rather I do it to see what she had written in order to give me deeper insight into what's going on in her life and her thoughts.

If you were to ask them, they would tell you that they cannot recall a single time in their entire lives that I have ever yelled at them in anger. Both of them have turned out to be wonderful people, with big hearts and good heads on thier shoulders. They tell me often how much they appreciate the fact that I trust them, and communicate with them without talking down at them or taking an "I'm the adult, you're the child - you'll do what I say" approach.

My ex-wife has always been the opposite. As a result of our contrasting parenting approach, my kids know that they can talk to me about anything at all, and I won't fly off the handle at them. They tell me many things that they would never dream of telling their mother, and they often tell me that when and if they ever have kids, they will pattern their parenting philosophy after mine.

I consider that a success. See, if not a total failure
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Old 04-30-2007, 10:16 AM   #146
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMercenary View Post
Absolutely agree. Who says anyone is being a complete dictator? Not me...
Spying on your children's internet usage is like being a dictator...

I still ponder if you've ever read 1984...
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Old 04-30-2007, 10:28 AM   #147
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I\'m beginning to wonder if my uncle spies on me as paranoid as he is. lol
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Old 05-01-2007, 09:19 AM   #148
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Originally Posted by SadistSecret View Post
Spying on your children's internet usage is like being a dictator...

I still ponder if you've ever read 1984...
Bull shit. It is being a responsible parent.

What person of my age has not read it?
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Old 05-01-2007, 02:55 PM   #149
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I'm not sure, but spying on them and responsibility are two different things. If your logs haven't gotten anything bad, turn them off for a while, until they do something untrustworthy on the internet like looking up porn. Then you have a real reason to actually monitor their internet usage. Until then, you don't need to hide cameras and log their internet activity. (I don't think you'd really hide a camera, but you know what I mean.)

Just a thought from someone who's not had any children myself, but has been raising evenyone else's for the past 8 years. If other people trust me with their children, then my theories on parenting should carry some merit.
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Old 05-01-2007, 10:23 PM   #150
TheMercenary
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Ok, let just throw this out here...


Quote:
Originally Posted by SadistSecret View Post
I'm not sure, but spying on them and responsibility are two different things. If your logs haven't gotten anything bad, turn them off for a while, until they do something untrustworthy on the internet like looking up porn.
1) How do any of you judgemental fuckers know that something has not happened?????? Where in any post did I ever say that something did or did not happen???? Instead all of you fucks ASSumed that all was cool and that I am just a spying parent.... 2) Porn is not an issue. Ask IB, he thinks it is ok to look at porn and his parents not to know... don't ask me about porn, I don't really have an issue with it, but somehow or another I bet IB's parents may have an issue with the porn he is looking at.

Quote:
Then you have a real reason to actually monitor their internet usage. Until then, you don't need to hide cameras and log their internet activity. (I don't think you'd really hide a camera, but you know what I mean.)
See the first part....

Quote:
Just a thought from someone who's not had any children myself, but has been raising evenyone else's for the past 8 years. If other people trust me with their children, then my theories on parenting should carry some merit.
Just for the record, they don't...
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