Worst Date Ever!!

[Cicero]

Sometimes I quietly muse over the single life I had for 29 years. I keep recalling the worst dates I've ever had. I find this activity keeps me married, very happy with who I finally chose, and feeling empathy for all the single people of the world.

So what was your worst?!?

I would offer one to start out with and break the ice..but I've had so many terrible dates in my ugly single 20's. that it's so hard to choose!

If you feel that this activity will get you in trouble in any way here do not submit a response.....I'm not interested in getting a cellar couple into a knock down drag-out.

[lookout123]

Well, let's see.. there was the one where I reluctantly allowed myself to be set up with someone. She let me know that she doesn't kiss on the first date as a means of breaking the ice. Um, ok. Strange, but fair I suppose. On the drive to the restaurant I realized she was amazingly annoying as she complained about everything from the fact that I drive a foreign vehicle and my choice of livelihood to the general lousy quality of men in the world. OK, lady, I get it, you've been screwed over. Then when we were sitting at dinner she mentioned she was "a little OCD" and promptly started rearranging our table in a very specific manner. Um, whatever. Then she started rearranging the empty table next to us. Um, how long do I have to sit with this chick before I just get up and leave? Is it rude to just give her cabfair home?

***

I can't complain though, the other time that friend set me up was a complete success. The lady and I had been enjoying eachother at dinner for a little while when she quite bluntly asked, "we're going to end up in bed aren't we?" I promptly got the check and we checked into the Hilton across the street. That was a completely delightful weekend.

[smoothmoniker]

the one where a girl in college asked if I wanted to go see a musical with a group. I said yes. I got to the theater, and it wasn't a group, it was just her and me. We got to the ticket window, she ordered two tickets, and then stood to the side, waiting for me to pay.

The musical was "Cats". I paid almost $200 for two orchestra seats to the shittiest broadway musical ever, on a fake date that I was tricked into by a girl I didn't like.

[lumberjim]

tell me you at least got blowed.

[lookout123]

See that is where nice guys like smooth have a lifelong story to tell. The rest would have a story that ended with "I walked across the street and got stupid drunk laughing at that idiot that thought I'd fall for that".

[lookout123]

Wait, this is a fun subject. I just remembered a truly horrible "not date" I had. Unfortunately, I am not embellishing this story.

Me and my friend both lived and worked downtown and we would hit happy hour at the Hilton every single day. We got along well with the bar staff and it was just a cool place to chill. One friday we're there waiting for some guys we'd invited from the office to show up. As usual we're having a fair few beverages and one of the waitresses we know is laughing and joking with us. She asked what we were doing. I explained that once the rest of the guys got there we were heading to a laid back fun bar in Scottsdale. Under the theory that "the more the merrier", I added "when you get off you should come by". Seems like a simple open statement to all the waitresses and bartenders standing there. I've seen many of them out and about. I thought nothing more of it.

About twenty minutes later the guys have arrived, had a drink and we're ready to head out. This waitress, we'll call her Sally, she runs up and says "lookout, hold on, I got someone to cover my shift so I can make it." "Great" I said, "See you there." At that point I should have had alarm bells sounding as I realize that my two regular bartenders are rolling around laughing. Literally. My group is almost to the parking lot when she catches up, and is a little huffy with me and points out it was a little rude not to wait. I apologize, as I think "don't employees have a different parking lot?" 5 awkward minutes later my friends have all piled into a few cars and left. I'm standing there a little annoyed and wondering how exactly I ended up as this chica's ride for the night. I get more annoyed when she points out she needs to go by her apartment to change. I take her to her apartment and decline her offer to come up to the apartment as the alarms are belatedly sounding in my skull.

15 minutes later she comes down in skin tight jeans with strategic tears, a see-through blouse, and a bottle of cheap champaigne. I'm horrified that she is going to be seen with me at a place I like to frequent. But, whatever. 20 minutes later I'm trying to decide if slitting my wrists was worth it to get rid of her. She slurped her bubbly from the bottle and got pissy when I didn't want to join in the fun. We arrived at the bar and as we got out of my truck she says "you didn't even compliment my outfit" and dramatically bends over. Labia. WTF? Labia. I see Labia hanging out of one of the strategically placed holes in her jeans. Then she really takes the cake when she gives me what I can only assume is an attempt at a seductive look and says, "I bet you didn't think I could fit in my daughter's jeans, huh?"

Oh, dear Lord, take me home, kill me, strike me with lightning, just end this misery now please.

The guys are sitting at an outdoor table laughing as they can see this all happening. I'm humiliated as I finally catch on that this has somehow become a date in her mind. I stumble up to the table and my buddy hands me a beer. As I take my first drink I hear her annoying voice begin to loudly make fun of some of the Scottsdale beauties that are filling the bar. Then she gets pissy because she wants a vodka drink and I haven't offered her anything. Whatever, my tab is open, order what you want, just leave me alone. I changed that policy a short time later as my buddy points out that she has consumed about $70 in liquor in 30 minutes.

The guys are laughing it up. I'm still trying to figure out how she ended up there. Did I at any time make it seem like I liked her? Whatever. She wanders in and out to make sniping comments about how a guy needs to treat her with respect. I roll my eyes and ignore her while talking trash with the guys. At some point I need a refill and because I'd switched to a cash bar I walk up to the bustling bar and stand there for a while trying to get the bartender's attention. An attractive woman starts chatting me up and we decide her friends and mine will move to the next bar over. (I'd explained that I had some weird chick following me, and she laughed) At that point good ol' Sally, swingin' Labia and all stumbles up and gets in the girl's face and slurs some insults about whores moving in on her man as she grabs my ass. That's it, I'm done. I shrug her off, tell the nice young lady that it was nice to have met her and I slink away in humiliation. My buddy is hammered and ready to go, Sally is yelling about being stranded on that side of town, yadayadayada. I tell her her to get her skank ass in the truck if she wants a ride. The night's over, so shut the fuck up.

I'm pissed off and not talking, Sally is sitting on my drunk friends lap and all is quiet for awhile. Then she slurs, "soooo, are you guys open minded?" At that point I realize she's been groping my very drunk, very not choosy, very horny friend. My friend asks what she means. Oh no, not this can of worms. I, not very politely, point out that I wouldn't fuck her with a triple condom wrap and a paperbag over her head. Drunk boy, pipes up with "I'll fuck ya Sally". Now they're both pissing me off. I can't drive fast enough.

She says she doesn't want to go home, I tell her too bad. Apparently my buddy already told her that we were going to one of our regular watering holes though so she talks me into just going there because her friends will also be there. Fine, just don't talk to me.

I tell my boy that if he even talks to her, he is on his own. He reminds me I was supposed to be his designated cockblocker when he was too drunk to avoid the really bad choices. dumbass. We're standing there at our normal pool table sucking back a couple cool ones when she walks up with another chick and asks if we're ready to get really freaky. I loudly respond with, "I'd rather shove a pool cue up my ass than touch you." She gets pissy. My friend starts laughing really hard. Too hard apparently, because we're all surprised and a bit horrified when he throws up right on her shoes. I start laughing hysterically. I shove him out the door and tell him to go to the truck and I'll settle up with the bar. Good ol' labia, er, i mean Sally follows me and says she isn't ready to leave yet. The bartender is laughing, the regulars are laughing, and I'm just dying. I give her $20 and tell her she can either spend it on shots so some poor bastard will take her home or she can call a cab, just don't ever talk to me again. As I walk out she is throwing a tantrum about what a lousy date I am.

As I walk up to my truck, drunk puke boy asks if I got her number. That's when I hit him.

[SteveDallas]

There are advantages to being too introverted to leave the house.

[Ibby]

I dont think i've ever had a bad date

cause i dont think ive ever had a date with someone i wasn't already with
or, for that matter, i dont think i even know how to

[euphoriatheory]

lookout, you blew my damn story out of the water.

All I ever had was this one guy who dug up my profile on Yahoo about 4 years ago... we'd both gone to the same college, so it wasn't as weird as I initially thought. I actually remembered having a few classes with him. I had just broken up with my "oh-my-God-I'm-in-love!!!" boyfriend (who, by the way, is now my husband) and I was feeling a little vengeful, so when Ben asked me out, I complied.

It took about 15 minutes before I realized he had a severe case of self-pity. None of his relationship ever worked, he really hated his job, even though he made a CRAPLOAD of money, his parents hated him, he had no friends, etc., etc., etc. I just grinned and ate my dinner, sat through the movie, and went home.

Two days later he called me demanding to know what made him worthy of even getting one date with me. Holy God. I'm not even kidding. I spent 3 hours on the phone with this kid telling him why he was decent enough to go on living.

Three days after this, he messages me online to see what I'm up to for the weekend. I tell him (truthfully) that I'm going to the beach with my father, my sister and my grandparents on Sunday for a family get-together. I don't see my grandparents that often, so this is important. I won't be able to do anything with him.

So he shows up at my house that morning with 2 dozen donuts and a box-o-joe from Dunkin Donuts. I roll my eyes and briefly reflect that I have never told him where I live, much less given him directions.... My dad is weirded out about being around this random guy, so I climb in Ben's car and we drive the hour out to this beach to meet my grandparents. He spends the entire time telling me how he doesn't even deserve to be in my presence. (I think to myself, "GET SOME COUNSELING!!!!!")

I ignore him the entire day at the beach, which he spends talking to my grandfather. Perhaps he will get the hint. But he doesn't. He drives me home, insists on staying to watch 3 movies, and finally leaves when I insist he has to go because we both have to work the next day. He tries to kiss me. I deflect it.

The very next night, I get an e-mail with a picture of a ring from Cartier. My jaw drops. I actually checked the website--the ring retails for $30,000. My jaw dislocates. I dial the phone, tell Ben that we can no longer see each other if he cannot possibly pause to think that HE might be worth someone's time, or that $30,000 might be better spent on a new car or a house than a ring for a girl he's been on two dates with. I hang up. I eventually stop hearing from him.


Let this be a lesson to anyone single here.... please, for the love of God, do NOT try too hard. It only makes you look INSANE.

[BrianR]

I'd dish but the statute of limitations has not yet run out.

[SteveDallas]

If you mean "bad date" as in a date with a woman where it just flat damn wasn't working out, no, not really. (I haven't dated much.) There was one sort-of relationship that ended weirdly (or so I thought).

If you mean "bad date" as in date activity that wasn't at all enjoyable, I think I have a couple of those.

[Cicero]

My husband and I still go on dates. (with each other ) I count them as dates, as they are pretty damn good dates sometimes. So I guess date here means whatever you think a date is.......good date and bad date........

I happened to have really known when I had a bad date...


Lookout's bad date and non-date stories compare to mine in the over-all raunch-factor. I'm glad I'm not the only person here who got the nasty end of the stick.

[Sundae]

The only bad dates I've had have paled into insignificance compared to those above.

Mine have just been people I have immediately realised I have no interest in and do not find attractive. One man turned up with a "special" bag, from a shop his friend's Dad used to own. He'd made a big thing about being able to recognise him by his bag and it was just a carrier bag. It went downhill from that point!

Another sounded so confident and sensual that I chose my underwear for the date very carefully, confident that things would be taken further. When I met him he was more like Uriah Heep. I actually walked past him on the street because his whole demeanour was so not what I was expecting.

In many cases I just ended up drinking them under the table and then ignoring their calls for as long as it took them to get the message. Pretty awful behaviour I know. My current single status is no doubt karmic revenge.

[monster]

Did you ever do that speed-dating thing, Sundae?

[Sundae]

I did. It was rubbish.
Out of the 15 men signed up, only 8 arrived and one of those left before the event began. It poured down with rain and there are terrible roadworks in Greenwich, which meant they asked people to be there at 20.00 for 20.30, but we kept holding on til 21.00 in case anyone else arrived. I'd been there since 19.45 of course, so I was pretty bored by then.

Anyway, I didn't click with anyone. I just wasn't interested in them as potential dates. I only ticked the two least objectionable as contacts because I hated the idea of wasting £20 - but they didn't tick me, so no dates at all.

Although I did meet a quite sweet down to earth woman - we're going out next week.