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Old 05-24-2005, 02:41 AM   #46
cowhead
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damn mrnoodle.. are you sure we're not related? anyway Brianna.. good luck with everything, jail sucks.. but then again in retrospect I would have rather done the 6 months with work release that the 2 years probation.. either way they some how treat you as sub-human for breaking the law.. even when it was a law you didn't know was a problem (not my case.. but.. I know a guy who knows a guy )..

and ditch the fucker! regardless of what you may pr may not think of yourself, you deserve better than that (speaking from the other guy perspective.. been there, done that decided to go the high road.. for the most part)
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Old 05-24-2005, 10:42 AM   #47
Trilby
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I am in COMPLETE AGONY over not talking with this man--he called me on sunday but I wasn't home...he's supposed to call me today. I'm DYING for him to call me. I am a complete ass. Why is this soooo hard? Why do I love him sooooo much? He's too old for me, really (it's strange, but he doesn't seem old, but when we are together it really is noticable) and he is MARRIED. How obvious am I? I HATE THIS AND I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO GET OVER IT.

mrnoodle--HOW did you finally get over the German chick? Were you freaking out about it, etc, etc??????

There are a LOT of things I hate about my life right now.
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Old 05-24-2005, 11:43 AM   #48
wolf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna
There are a LOT of things I hate about my life right now.
Great.

Just so long as you hate them enough to want to change them.

Do you love those aspects enough to let them go?

Hate is a strong attachment. You are going to eventually have to stop hating these things/people. Accept the role they played in your life. Acknowlege that there was good and bad in them. Let them go. Move on.
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Old 05-24-2005, 01:17 PM   #49
BigV
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwennie!
--snip--
Progress, Not Perfection.
How very eloquent.

I think the japanese term for this state of mind is Kaizen.
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Old 05-24-2005, 01:41 PM   #50
mrnoodle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna
I am in COMPLETE AGONY over not talking with this man--he called me on sunday but I wasn't home...he's supposed to call me today. I'm DYING for him to call me. I am a complete ass. Why is this soooo hard? Why do I love him sooooo much? He's too old for me, really (it's strange, but he doesn't seem old, but when we are together it really is noticable) and he is MARRIED. How obvious am I? I HATE THIS AND I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO GET OVER IT.

mrnoodle--HOW did you finally get over the German chick? Were you freaking out about it, etc, etc??????

There are a LOT of things I hate about my life right now.
Oh man. There aren't words for the amount of screwed up I felt. Combine the betrayal and the sudden end of something that you have built your entire existence around, and you just kind of flake out for awhile. Spent the first evening crying like a girl in my dark bedroom. Woke up at 2 a.m. and drove up and down the interstate until 6 a.m. Semi-stalked her by driving to the factory across the street from hers and staring at her car in the parking lot for an hour (I think I thought I was going to see her actually performing oral sex on random men in the back seat). Went home and did normal Christmas things for a day or two. The evening of the company Christmas party, drove up to the mountains to kill myself. Thought about my family awhile, unloaded the gun and went home.

Week 2: deadened, less intense version of week one. Lots of sitting in front of the computer monitor watching solitaire but not actually playing it. Lots of praying for my death, her death, my salvation, her salvation, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Finally rejoined the real world soon after, but carried a chip on my shoulder towards women that lasted for a few years. Deliberately made girls think I liked them so that I could fuck em and never call again. Thought that my hatred would somehow transfer by osmosis across the feminine gender into what's-her-name's head and she would implode from the sheer force of it. Figured I would show the entire female race that they weren't ever going to mess with *me* again. LOL contracted genital warts.

At some point I made the conscious decision to stop acting like a hateful, self-loathing asshat. When I did, things got better. I realized that the whole damn world didn't revolve around me and all the slights I felt I had received from the universe. Wrote a letter of apology to the woman's husband for my role in the destruction of his world, then threw it out so as not to make my therapy his problem.

I can't tell you how important it is to beat back the wholly retarded notion that you *need* to talk to him. Or that you will *die* from the loneliness. Or that the two of you have some kind of fucking "connection" that supercedes all other facets of your life. It's a lie. The pain is real, but stoking the fire by constantly rolling around in your misery like a dog on a dead skunk will only extend its duration. The constantly recurring spasms of "OMG but I looooooove him" (and the accompanying shame and self-hatred) will become less frequent and less severe if you do not submit to them.

Never ever ever ever ever under any circumstances answer a phone call from this man. He will not answer any of the questions that plague you, and you will not get the peace you think you will. Never open any correspondence from him. The envelope doesn't contain your answer, just a continuation of your misery. Weather the storm, be strong, and absolutely banish the man and his influence from your inner being. There will be breaches in the wall from time to time, but you have the power to shore them up and make them twice as strong in an instant just by willing it.

Don't do anything to hurt yourself. I'm not talking about suicide, but about unhealthy life choices. Stay sober, stay vigilant, and you will come out of this hell better off.

Go to church. Try it with an open mind. If you decide not to, let it be your decision, and not that of the people who will ridicule you for it.
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Old 05-24-2005, 11:20 PM   #51
plthijinx
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Bri, the hardest thing to get over is a heart that's been given to another then crushed. to this day i still remember the day that my (ex)wife told me she was leaving with my newly adopted son. talk about agony. i lived it for at least 2 years before i could even try to convey a new relationship, well a serious one at that, as well as a MOUND full of other life experiences that were thrown my way. in short(sort of): May of 2002: fail test for flight instructor b/c of nerves, dad diagnoses himself with an abdominal anuerism, gets a double bypass first, i get arrested for dwi; reduced to reckless driving(later), then the anuerism is taken care of on dad, wife leaves one month after son's adoption is finalized, face forclosure on my house, almost loose my job b/c of pressures in my private life. 09/03 divorce finalized. still trippin' on my ex wife not being there with my son. jan/04 son gets REALLY sick; had to hospitalize for a time. in that time i became close to my ex and wanted to try and get back together. mind you this was 2 years after separation/divorce. i could go on but my point is, it could be worse. and as far as the ex goes, as hard as it was, i have finally let go and have moved on to dating someone who is just as pretty on the outside as she is on the inside. and guess what. i wasn't looking for her when she came along. keep your chin up and be strong!
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Old 05-24-2005, 11:23 PM   #52
plthijinx
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you can live through anything. just put your mind to it.
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Old 05-25-2005, 02:21 AM   #53
limey
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Bri
The way I dealt with a broken heart was to say to myself "this is the most painful thing that had ever happened to me, but I WILL get over it" over, and over, and over and over, and over again ...
Wishing you the strength which I know you have.
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Old 05-25-2005, 02:22 AM   #54
xoxoxoBruce
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Please remove head from ass.
Quote:
It's just that he was the kindest man I had ever met and I had never experienced that sort of unconditional love and regard from anyone, let alone a man.
Is that how the cello feels about Yo Yo Ma?
Quote:
He is accepting and good and has always thought of me..
Oh yeah, usually with an errection. Hmm...maybe not....sometimes as an adoring fan that feeds his ego.
Quote:
He let me fall in love with him--he encouraged it--and THEN told me he was married! I think his ego likes me. He can't really love me, can he?
Rinse and repeat. Of course he loves you, he loves all his adoring fans. Geeves, pass out some 8x10s.
Quote:
He KNOWS I am in awe of him-I've never met anyone like him. He does painfully care about appearances--his wife is the typical beautiful and neurotic professor's wife, his two kids won scholarships to Wellesley and the eldest just graduated Harvard. He lives in the snobbiest suburb there is and wears herringbone jackets to teach. I know this sounds so cliche but it's all true! He went to Berkeley and Oxford and has had two Fellowships--was a Fulbright, etc. etc. He's living a dream-life.
For some that might be a dream life. Comparing conquests with "the boys" at "the club"?
Quote:
But he does help me. He is helping me go back to the local University, going over my transcripts, giving me pointers on stuff...is this a fair trade? I'm asking because I honestly don't know.
Sure you do...of course he's helping you off in another direction. The last thing he wants is a psycho-bitch boiling his bunny.

All together now...Bruce is a rotten bastard, he's saying what I was thinking.

I'd bet money Bri was thinking it too...way in the back...barely hear it if she sang his praises loud enough.

OK Baby, it's all uphill from here....but at least you're not going lower. And there's not one son-of-a-bitch reading this that hasn't done something just as stupid. Some more than once.
You know, I think maybe this cad (that's society talk for motherfucker), may well be the cause or at least the catyst for many/most of your other problems. How can you form a decent relationship with anyone while you're at dickheads beck 'n call? How big a sigh of relief did he breath on Sunday when you weren't home? If he called at all.

Me, being the rotten bastard (see above) would write him a letter.... on an attorneys letterhead......rock his world..heh heh heh. Have to be careful about wording though, nothing that could be construed as blackmail.
You'll live...it'll hurt for a long time....but we love ya.
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Old 05-26-2005, 01:58 PM   #55
Trilby
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I was certain that there was a smilie of a guy with his head up his ass--but no.

Well, of course you are right, bruce. Now I'm getting the feeling he wants us to be "friends". We've been emailing and seems very stiff and weirdly polite-at least to ME it seems that way, but I've a real genius for projecting my feelings on to others. If I think I'm overdrawn at the bank and call the bankline to get my balance I imagine the pre-recorded voice on the phone sounds angry at me!! Um...can I get a lobotomy somewhere? And soon?
I have to keep telling myself that my emotions won't kill me. I have heard of people dying from broken hearts, though.
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
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Old 05-27-2005, 02:02 AM   #56
cowhead
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no, I promise you won't die of that.. it's a long story that I don't feel like typing right now, suffice to say I moved across the country for my 'love' only to be dumped upon arrival.. (by love I mean betrothed) well... I stil carry the scars (and the tattoo ) but here's the thing, from everything in my life that has been f*cked up, things do get better, you just need to weather the storm, It'll ride itself out... and yeah, as the others said DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE ANSWER THAT PHONE CALL ( I hope the all caps made it clear ) you'll be fine, just keep swimming.
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Old 05-27-2005, 04:50 AM   #57
Rock Steady
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Wow, reading these broken heart stories has me thinking back 24 years to the time of the break-up with my last ex-girlfriend. My last girlfriend has been my wife for 23 years.

My ex-girlfriend was a smart tough feminazi. I grew up a lot that year, but most of it was painful. It ended when she came home and said she spent the afternoon "sleeping" with another guy. So, I packed my stuff and moved back to my place.

The first couple of weeks after that I was in agony and I was worthless; couldn't work much. Still had pain for months, but it faded over time. Until I met my future wife and all was well again.

Brianna, your time and mileage may vary, but things will get better for you too. There are better guys out there than the lying professor. It's his job to help you with university things. It's immoral to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable position.

My ex-girlfriend was from Philadelphia and was a big Flyers fan. Sorry folks, but to this day, I root against Philadelphia teams; living in Pittsburgh just added to that.
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Old 05-27-2005, 04:50 AM   #58
Gwennie!
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Brianna, Don't beat yourself up about this stuff. Something I heard at AA meetings:

When you stop drinking and using, you feel better.
You feel pain better.
You feel joy better.
You feel resentment better.
You feel life better because you are not numbing it anymore.

If you are going to do IOP, then you'll be working the 12 Steps. It's worth dragging youself thru the first three steps to get to Step 4. This is where you can list your resentments and begin to deal with them. Beyond that, well, One Day at a Time.

If you are not religious, try to find a AA sponsor that's willing to let you define your higher power AS YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR HIGHER POWER. For an agnostic such as me, I used the fellowship or as some put it GOD is the Group Of Drunks. I led a weekly AA meeting called Freethinkers, a format used in several locations around here. It attracted folks that didn't subscribe to the classical christian God; we didn't believe God was an old man standing on a cloud. We eliminated the Lord's Prayer at the meeting's end. The meeting attendence tripled after the change to Freethinkers was made.

You may not have a lot of flexibilty with the IOP structure. But, the recovery thing is easier if you can ignore the differences and focus on the similarities.
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Old 05-27-2005, 09:43 AM   #59
wolf
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Okay. That's a bit freaky. Are you now trying to prove that you are actually two different people, or what?

The advice is good. But same post time on two reasonably long posts?
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Old 05-27-2005, 10:54 AM   #60
Lady Sidhe
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I'll say it for you, babe:

"BASTARD! You useless, lying, using, slimy SONOFABITCH! I hate you and I hope you die a slow, painful harrowing death alone, unmissed, and unmourned!

Later, dood..."

Yeah, it sucks. I hope things start going better for you, sweetie. I know how bad it can hurt, and sometimes it seems it will never stop--you either wish you could hate them or forget you ever knew them. I don't know what to say that will make it better, but my thoughts are with you...

Sidhe
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