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Old 11-04-2016, 12:57 PM   #46
lumberjim
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Sorry clobble
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Old 11-04-2016, 01:19 PM   #47
xoxoxoBruce
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Families are a pain in the ass. They come with obligations and societal expectations because they're blood, even if they suck.
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Old 11-04-2016, 01:39 PM   #48
Clodfobble
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Thanks, everyone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by glatt
So now that you have had this moment of clarity into the future, you need to figure out what you need to do to satisfy yourself that you have helped your brother as much as you can.
I think this is a really keen insight. It's trickier if the "what ifs" are already in the past, though. Like, could I have done something differently when he was in high school? My dad's rationalization for everything is that it's my mom's fault, and to a large degree both she and I agree with him. She gave him a complete and total safety net, lots of encouragement but no forcing, and she's been acknowledging over the last few years that maybe this wasn't the best idea, that he was never going to figure his shit out and find himself and all that crap people say. Then again, suicide-cousin did have a lot of expectations put on him, and his fundamental personality still won in the end, so who knows. The longer I live the more I put the percentage on nature over nurture.
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Old 11-04-2016, 02:02 PM   #49
glatt
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clodfobble View Post
The longer I live the more I put the percentage on nature over nurture.
I know what you mean, and often find myself thinking along those lines as well. But I don't like it. I like to think that we have more control than that.
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Old 11-04-2016, 02:08 PM   #50
xoxoxoBruce
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Having control doesn't mean you're doing the right thing for that person.
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