The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Relationships

Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-05-2006, 11:46 AM   #151
9th Engineer
Bioengineer and aspiring lawer
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 872
It's interesting that a bunch of people here ended up with nothing more interesting or intelligent to say than "you must not be getting laid", kind of a dissapointing end to what I had hoped would be a thought provoking conversation.
__________________
The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.
9th Engineer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 11:47 AM   #152
Stormieweather
Wearing her bitch boots
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Floriduh
Posts: 1,173
To seriously answer the OP's original question, I think whether a girls sexual history matters depends on the man, just as a man's sexual history matters to some girls.

To someone who believes in waiting until marriage to have sex, it is probably important that their partner has similar beliefs and has acted accordingly.

To someone who is jealous and insecure, a partner with a colorful sexual history may exerbate the issue.

To someone who believes in monogamy, it matters if the other person has shown a history of cheating because chances are good it will be repeated.

To someone who wants to be adventurous and kinky, it may be a good idea to hook up with someone who has an adventurous, kinky history :p .

Someone who wants a one night stand should connect with a partner who wants the same thing.

Of course there are always exceptions, so the playboy may, in fact, have a wonderful, lasting relationship with an inexperienced virgin.

I think the key is to get to know your potential partner and find out what his/her beliefs are about men/women and sexuality as well as a little about their own history before jumping in to bed with them.

I do happen to agree that having multiple relationships (monogamous or not) can affect one's ability to bond with the same innocence as the we did the first time. Before I get run out of the Cellar on a rail for agreeing with Bmwcmaw, let me explain. Breakups and hurts caused by relationships gone bad become baggage that we carry with us. We are much less likely to throw ourselves 110% into subsequent relationships and to trust unquestioningly when we have had failed relationships in our past. We learn to be cautious and safeguard our well being.

I loved my first partner and husband (yes I waited to have sex until marriage)
deeply and passionately. Huge red flags and clues that he was abusive and a cheater were totally ignored in the blindness of first love. I didn't recognize them because I'd never seen them before. Now I know better. No one will ever again get that pure, absolute, and total submission of my heart and soul. Of course, my current partner gets a much wiser, emotionally healthy and independant woman than I was way back then.

One last thing...I don't think its the 'chase' thats important, its the 'anticipation' that is so much fun. Putting some time between meeting and actually sleeping together lets the sexual tension ratchet up which tends to cause the eventual conclusion to be worth the wait.

Stormie
__________________
"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Stormieweather is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 11:48 AM   #153
Stormieweather
Wearing her bitch boots
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Floriduh
Posts: 1,173
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9th Engineer
It's interesting that a bunch of people here ended up with nothing more interesting or intelligent to say than "you must not be getting laid", kind of a dissapointing end to what I had hoped would be a thought provoking conversation.

Hush, I was composing my post
__________________
"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Stormieweather is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 12:00 PM   #154
morethanpretty
Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you.
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas
Posts: 2,955
Quote:
Originally Posted by joelnwil
But more to the point, I think that focusing on the other party's sexual history is foolish, and if either party does that then there is some kind of mental problem involved.
It is their current sexual behavior that should matter. If you are looking for a life-time mate, then you most likely don't want a person who has not been very serious in their sexual relationships, they don't seem to have a very high level of commitment. If you respect sex and hold is a precious intimate act, then there is reason to look for a person who has had no or few sexual partners. They share your ideal. Whether you are the man or the woman, it does not matter, both are equally responsible for their actions, despite what you think their role is. "To choose...wait to be choosen."

Quote:
Of course, when religion is involved, there is no limiting the crazyness.
That, of course depends, on your perspective.
__________________
Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with.
-Jack O'Brien
morethanpretty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 01:27 PM   #155
mrnoodle
bent
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: under the weather
Posts: 2,652
Quote:
Originally Posted by joelnwil
Of course, when religion is involved, there is no limiting the crazyness.
I know, right? I hear there are even some people who limit their sexual activity because of moral concerns! Ludicrous.
__________________
Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh
mrnoodle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 01:30 PM   #156
Trilby
Slattern of the Swail
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9th Engineer
It's interesting that a bunch of people here ended up with nothing more interesting or intelligent to say than "you must not be getting laid", kind of a dissapointing end to what I had hoped would be a thought provoking conversation.
Eleven pages of posts and nothing in them is thought provoking for you? It must be hell.

It's IS interesting to note that you have nothing to say about your friend's quoting a deeply misogynistic character in a movie and stating he agrees with said quote. I guess because he's 'only' dissing on women it's ok. If he had said something similarly prejudicial, something along the lines of "all blacks are..." or "all muslims are..." he'd have a shit storm on his hands; but, because it's just little ol women, blast away.
__________________
In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

Last edited by Trilby; 10-05-2006 at 01:38 PM.
Trilby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 01:51 PM   #157
9th Engineer
Bioengineer and aspiring lawer
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 872
when did I say bmw was my friend??? Far from it, he breaks my cardinal rule of holding men and women both to the same level of accountability. Aside from the fact that quantity has no bearing on quality I was commenting on the fact that some people, in the end, fell back on ad hominem attacks. Whether or not he's 'getting any' has no bearing on what he said, and it's derogatory to other people just the same as if you said "this guy must be Chinese, didn't like the bride your parents picked out for you?".

I hate having to defend someone I disagree with on principle of fair argument...
__________________
The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.
9th Engineer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 01:55 PM   #158
Trilby
Slattern of the Swail
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
you still haven't said a thing about his misogynistic outlook.
__________________
In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
Trilby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 01:57 PM   #159
Flint
_______
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 11,422
Oh the irony of somone doing what they are accusing you of, as the basis for their accusation.
__________________
****************
There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there
it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your
expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever
gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio
Flint is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 02:01 PM   #160
9th Engineer
Bioengineer and aspiring lawer
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 872
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9th_Engineer
he breaks my cardinal rule of holding men and women both to the same level of accountability.
Do I have to use the term misogynist for it to count?? He thinks that women should be held to different standards then men, I said I don't agree with him. Do I need to say I hate him and he should be banned from the boards to boot?
__________________
The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.
9th Engineer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 02:02 PM   #161
9th Engineer
Bioengineer and aspiring lawer
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 872
Just what do you mean by that Flint?
__________________
The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.
9th Engineer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 02:12 PM   #162
Flint
_______
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 11,422
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9th Engineer
Just what do you mean by that Flint?
When people have to imply a mis-characterized version of another person's statements in order to criticize them, it strikes me that this is an extremely ironic way to carry out a crusade against intellectual dishonesty. This is a general observation, apply it where you see fit...
__________________
****************
There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there
it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your
expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever
gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio
Flint is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 02:43 PM   #163
bmwmcaw
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual taboos, and all kinds of physical and mental abuse have been around for thousands of years.

Women’s sexuality has been more controlled over the millenniums for darn good reasons. Women own sex. Women control sex. Sex doesn’t occur without the expressed consent of women.

How many women do you see at clubs, bars, coffee houses, and buying drinks for men to pick them up for sex? How many women do you see offering to fix this or carry that to gain the favor of men? I think you get my point or should and PLEASE spare me the once in a blue moon comparisons.


Pressure for sex is pressure but NO means NO!

Sexual loyalty for is men the most important attribute they look for in women. For any man to deny this turns there back on 10s of thousands of years of social development and again the obvious.

Men do not want to father another mans child brought about through infidelity. The statistic here are astounding. If memory serves me right the Kinsley report puts children fathered by non-spouses/boyfriend at 30%. 3 or of 10 women cheated on there husband or boyfriend and never told them that the pregnancy was not his seed.

There is no double standard and I can’t repeat this enough. Men can go months without sex or opportunity for sex and have to work hard to obtain it. Women need only point there finger. You put a few drinks in a man and he will stick his Johnson in a hole in the wall.

Women who claim to want sex for sex sake are incredulous. Ask any married man what happens to all that sex they used to have before they got married. Women have sex for entirely different reason then men. Sex for women is a tool. They use it to obtain advantages. To obtain relationships that brings to them advantages. Most men have sex for pure pleasure.

Girls don’t claim that you cut back or even stop because it gets boring. There are only so many ways a cake can bake. It’s really because you’ve reach the limits of advantage and now have no reason other than maintenance to engage in sex.

I’ve talk to many women and the vast majority doesn’t even know what an orgasm is. Again I think its was the Kinsley report or even surveys in Cosmo that put females who claim to have and orgasm at only 20%. What they describe is a light headed feeling (Hyperventilating.)

Men have out of body experiences at 100%. Men, including myself, describe it as similar to drug use like heroin or cocaine (both I’ve never used). Sexual addiction in men is a real thing. I think every woman suffers from some penis envy. Can you image what the pickup routine at bars would be if women got as much enjoyment from sex as men? We would probably be still living in caves because we wouldn’t be able to get out from under the bears skins.:p

The end of our society will comes when the female Viagra comes out. It will be great for men for sometime until society breakdown because men and women stop going to work.

Last edited by bmwmcaw; 10-05-2006 at 03:52 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 03:02 PM   #164
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmwmcaw
The end of our society will comes when the female Viagra comes out. It will be great for men for sometime until society breakdown because men stop going to work.
I bet if it does insurance won't cover it.
__________________
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
--Bill Cosby
Shawnee123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2006, 03:58 PM   #165
yesman065
Banned - Self Imposed
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,847
Women’s sexuality has been more controlled over the millenniums for darn good reasons. Women own sex. Women control sex. Sex doesn’t occur without the expressed consent of women.
And if my dick isn't hard it ain't happenin either buddy - I'm good, but not that good.
How many women do you see at clubs, bars, coffee houses, and buying drinks for men to pick them up for sex? How many women do you see offering to fix this or carry that to gain the favor of men? I think you get my point or should and PLEASE spare me the once in a blue moon comparisons. Pressure for sex is pressure but NO means NO!
Sexual loyalty for is men the most important attribute they look for in women.
Gee and every woman wants a guy coming home smelling like a hooker??? What planet are you from?

Men do not want to father another mans child brought about through infidelity.
The statistic hers are astounding. If memory serves me right the Kinsley report puts children fathered by non-spouses/boyfriend at 30%. 3 or of 10 women cheated on there husband or boyfriend and never told them that the pregnancy was not his seed.
And How many men fathered children out of wedlock without sharing the glorious news with their spouses???

There is no double standard and I can’t repeat this enough. Men can go months without sex or opportunity for sex and have to work hard to obtain it.
You maybe, not me - even if its Susie thumb and her four sisters

Women need only point there finger. You put a few drinks in a man and he will stick his Johnson in a hole in the wall.
I can honestly say that my Johnson has never been put into a hole in a wall

Women who claim to want sex for sex sake are incredulous. Ask any married man what happens to all that sex they used to have before they got married. Women have sex for entirely different reason then men. Sex for women is a tool. They use it to obtain advantages. To obtain relationships that brings to them advantages. Most men have sex for pure pleasure.
Perhaps some women are not interested in the 30 second sex you are offering them. That is more frustrating to them then not getting any at all, is less than satisfying and creates a lot of pent up frustration. Furthermore,m Perhaps women would be more inclined to indulge in sex if they didn't have to work all day as hard or harder than their male counterparts for the same pay. Then go home and be expected top run the house, do laundry, taxi children, cook meals, and so on while you sit on your lazy ass drinkin a beer. Hmmm.

Girls don’t claim that you cut back or even stop because it gets boring. There are only so many ways a cake can bake. It’s really because you’ve reach the limits of advantage and now have no reason other than maintenance to engage in sex.
You need a new cookbook dude.

I’ve talk to many women and the vast majority doesn’t even know what an orgasm is. Again I think its was the Kinsley report or even surveys in Cosmo that put females who claim to have and orgasm at only 20%. What they describe is a light headed feeling (Hyperventilating.)
Puhlease - my girl gets one every time and I'll pass out trying to get her there if need be. Otherwise toys fingers, tongue ect. will suffice.

Men have out of body experiences at 100%. Men, including myself, describe it as similar to drug use like heroin or cocaine (both I’ve never used). Sexual addiction in men is a real thing. I think every woman suffers from some penis envy. Can you image what the pick routine at bars would be in women got as much enjoyment from sex as men?
Wrong again - I have had both mind-blowing orgasms and relatively mild ones. In fact I have satisfied my girl without getting or needing to get one.

I just cannot understand your antiquated logic and feel that you are doing way too much reading and not enough acting on the subject. Have you really had a committed sexual relationship?? Cuz from what you say it sure doesn't sound it and you seem to be rather bitter about the whole subject - perhaps you are sexually frustrated??

Last edited by yesman065; 10-05-2006 at 04:29 PM.
yesman065 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:41 AM.

Help fill the mug... click to donate
"We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand."
- James Watt

Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.