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Parenting Bringing up the shorties so they aren't completely messed up

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Old 04-25-2007, 01:40 AM   #121
Aliantha
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Originally Posted by TheMercenary View Post
Maybe in your country or in your home. Kids have no right to privacy. Adults have a right to privacy. Kids have no rights other than what I mentioned earlier.

Have a look at a few rule books Merc. You'll find children do have rights in your country and mine.

I'm pretty sure most parents feel their children have rights.
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Old 04-25-2007, 02:08 AM   #122
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Definitely the right from assault.
They have the best right, the right never to talk to a parent's ass if they speak to them like that after 18.
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:13 AM   #123
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By having open, honest and meaningful communication with them, and believe me, I don't mean the bullshit piss in my pants kind of communication that some people might think is meaningful.

The thing is, I am my children's confidant. They come to me first with their problems and challenges. I know them.

That's how I'm going to know if they're trustworthy or not.
I believe you and respect your right to parent as you see fit.

But let me ask one question. Not trying to pry here. How old is this kid that you are a conficant with? The age makes a huge difference. The communicative techniques and the childs desire to share with you, has in my experience and the experience of most people I know, decrease as they become teens and the peer group grows as a more important thing in their life.
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:14 AM   #124
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Definitely the right from assault.
They have the best right, the right never to talk to a parent's ass if they speak to them like that after 18.
Absolutely. That has not happened and will not happen to us. I am sure of it.
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:25 AM   #125
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I can't but be appalled at the turns this discussion has taken.

16 or 45--this behavior is juvenile.
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Old 04-25-2007, 07:46 PM   #126
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I can't but be appalled at the turns this discussion has taken.

16 or 45--this behavior is juvenile.
Agreed. And my answer to the original question is that there is no set age. It's up to their parents/guardians as to whether they should have their own email address and if so, which type to pick (which is best at avoiding adult spam etc). It's up to you to decide whether their parents/guardians are likely to be able to monitor it appropriately before you suggest it.

Probably the younger the better, to be honest -when they are to young to know how to seriously rebel even if they wanted to. Skills learned young are skills for life. Make good behaviour a habit before it occurs to them to rebel and it'll be so much harder for them to hide rebellion from you (although make sure they know why they are doing what they are doing). Teach them how to spot spam and not to open it. Teach them about anonymity -don't open their email account in their name. Use the name of their favorite team or soft toy or book..... And make sure they use a communal computer and know to go to an adult the minute something comes up they don't recognise. Just extend their Safety Town "Stranger Danger" lessons to the internet. rkz is right that it's like real life, but he neglects to compare it to real life outside the home as well as in.
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Old 04-26-2007, 05:11 AM   #127
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I believe you and respect your right to parent as you see fit.

But let me ask one question. Not trying to pry here. How old is this kid that you are a conficant with? The age makes a huge difference. The communicative techniques and the childs desire to share with you, has in my experience and the experience of most people I know, decrease as they become teens and the peer group grows as a more important thing in their life.
My oldest son is 11 and my youngest is 10. I actually mentioned that earlier in this thread.

All that info is freely available in any pop psych book.

If my kids do grow closer to their peer group, it doesn't mean that my relationship with them will become less. It also doesn't mean I can trust them less.

In my view, it's how you communicate with kids that makes the difference.
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Old 04-26-2007, 12:32 PM   #128
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If my kids do grow closer to their peer group, it doesn't mean that my relationship with them will become less. It also doesn't mean I can trust them less.
Well I guess you will see eventually if that will be true or not over time. You hope that your relationship with them does not become "less", but in fact that is a part of them growing older and they will move away from you emotionally whether you want them to or not IMHO. If they do not they will never learn independence required to make it in the world.
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Old 04-26-2007, 12:59 PM   #129
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Well I guess you will see eventually if that will be true or not over time. You hope that your relationship with them does not become "less", but in fact that is a part of them growing older and they will move away from you emotionally whether you want them to or not IMHO. If they do not they will never learn independence required to make it in the world.
That is not guaranteed. I know many kids that were very close to their parents throughout high school. Is it more likely the kids will stray away from their parents? Yes. But not guaranteed.
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Old 04-26-2007, 01:14 PM   #130
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That is not guaranteed. I know many kids that were very close to their parents throughout high school. Is it more likely the kids will stray away from their parents? Yes. But not guaranteed.
It is kind of hard to discuss it in terms of "less" and "stray away". Sort of a personal thing between parents and their kids, usually based on the experiences the parent had with their own parents. I still submit that pulling away is common and expected. And then there is that whole dependency thing that goes along with the relationship. Most of the college kids I have know were dependent on their parents for quite a bit, well at least the parents who could afford to help them help(ed) them alot. Emotional dependency is another thing all together. Do you want to be your kids best friend or do you want to be their parent. I don't believe you can do both.
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Old 04-26-2007, 03:58 PM   #131
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I think it is possible to be their parent and best friend but the chances are one in a million and would need compromise from both the kid and the parent which is more than rare.

I did stray away from my parents in high school but I still respected them and they respected me and I am happy how they raised me. I am a very independent person and even though my parents still support me financially, I am confident I can live on my own if I needed to without ever needing them again. But, I still plan to come to them for advice and because of friendship.
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Old 04-26-2007, 06:00 PM   #132
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I think it is possible to be their parent and best friend but the chances are one in a million and would need compromise from both the kid and the parent which is more than rare.

I did stray away from my parents in high school but I still respected them and they respected me and I am happy how they raised me. I am a very independent person and even though my parents still support me financially, I am confident I can live on my own if I needed to without ever needing them again. But, I still plan to come to them for advice and because of friendship.
Glad to hear it worked out. There are so many possibilities. So many pitfalls. Even the ones who pull away eventually come back around after they become adults.
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Old 04-26-2007, 11:19 PM   #133
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Okee dokee. I'll just slip in my 2 cents here and now.


When a child is born, he/she is dependent upon the parent for it's care and feeding and upbringing.
BUT---ALL children are born through no choice of their own. They didn't ask to be born. It was through an act of (usually) 2 other people. I believe this entitles them to certain freedoms and the presumption of guiltlessness unless proven otherwise just as a matter of courtesy for being forced into this world..
It is the parents OBLIGATION to keep them safe since THEY were the ones who forced this life on the child.
But it is my opinion that the parents do not have the right to control everything the child does.

And as a side note, calling ANYONE a "fag" is wrong and juvenile. Telling an known underaged person to "Wipe the cum off their face" is child sexual abuse. Use your head for something besides holding your hat up.
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Old 04-27-2007, 01:17 AM   #134
Aliantha
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Well for one thing, I don't think my relationship with my children will ever be the same as it is with their peer group. It definitely isn't now, so why would it be at any other age?

Peer groups and parents give people different things. If a child is raised well, there's no reason for one relationship to suffer because of the other. There is room for both to co-exist and in some cases, to nourish each other. At the moment, this is what we have in our household. I plan on doing everything possible to make sure it stays that way.

I expect them to become independant, and I see them letting go of their dependance on me more and more every day. It doesn't make me sad. It makes me proud that I've raised children who're showing that they can be responsible and trustworthy even though they're still young. Why should I not expect things to continue in the same way? Why should I expect my kids to all of a sudden become secretive and deceptive? As a parent, it's my responsibility to make sure they feel safe and accepted enough to know that they can be honest with me and not be judged for it.

My mother was my best friend.
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Old 04-27-2007, 04:19 PM   #135
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My mother and I are now living with my aunty and uncle for a while and my uncle has put some internet restrictions on me. He put something on my computer that slows browsing down. I'm not sure what it does but it's annoying. He also told me to stay off of myspace which I never use anyways. But worst of all he removed my emule and utorrent.
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